I get it. I’m the bad cop. Francesca is the nice, clean-cut Officer of The Peace, while I am the one who uses vermouth as aftershave and will violate your Miranda rights the second the Chief turns his back. I’m comfortable with that now, so in that bad-cop vein I am going to ask –nay, beg– a favor.
Please do not be a skank for Halloween.
I know, I know, if we have learned anything from the movie Mean Girls it’s that “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” but please, before you pour yourself into a costume whose theme is “naughty” followed by any typically female profession and/or Harry Potter character (and school girl, do I even need to say anything the school girl? What’s creepier: wanting to look like a ho-some version of a 15-year old or wanting people to want to bang that ho-some version of a 15-year old?) think about what you’re doing and why.
Let’s face it, it’s hard to dispel the “all big girls are desperate” myth when confronted with seventy three plus-size stewardesses inviting you to “fly the friendly thighs” in the span of a night
How does your self esteem figure into all this? How much of this is about wanting to feel sexy? If it’s about feeling sexy and you want to take The Gals out for the evening, why not do it on a random Tuesday night? If you want to look like a tramp, don’t wait for the one day of the year it’s “OK” to reveal what the Good Lord and four pieces of duct tape hath wrought (you do know how to make a duct tape push-up bra, right?) OWN your trampitude, and good on you for doing it.
Just please, don’t save it for Halloween and those cheap, tacky costumes. Truly, single-ply PVC is not a good look for anyone and sad to say, no matter how incredible the rack or bangin’ the butt, if you are a plus-size girl odds are you are just going to end up looking like a hot, sweaty sadomasochistic haggis and no one wants to see that.
Except maybe this guy:
Costume ideas for the fabulous plussie are forthcoming. As for me, I won’t just settle for Superfantastic, I’m going for all out Divine!