Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

January 8, 2008

A Moment of Silence, Please

Filed under: Shoes — Miss Plumcake @ 3:17 pm

Y’all, let’s have a moment of silence for my favorite Brian Atwood pumps. They fought the good fight, having been brutally attacked by a vicious creature early in their lives (and by “vicious creature” I mean my slobbery shar-pei, Dozer Le Grunt who does nothing but sleep and now, apparently, chew $600 shoes that were put away, but not far enough away, from his drooling, droopy maw) and then, when every other cobbler said “no can do” as I brought them my sad, mangled little shoe my Fairy Godcobbler David was able to fix them! “Hallo hooray!” I chortled in my joy.

Today I wore them for the first time since the repair, and met a friend at my very favorite coffeeshop/cocktail lounge. Then, as I was leaving those hallowed, booze-filled grounds…SNAP!

My heel snapped off. Not my actual bodily heels –oh no, that would have been too simple. Wounds heal and I’ve got great insurance– no, the broken heel in question was the left heel of my beloved Atwoods!

Why?! Why me? I’m a good girl (after a fashion) I pay my taxes. I recycle plastics. What did I do to deserve such wretchedness? O YE CURSED FATES!!!
Now I’ve got some soul searching to do, because I cannot allow this to happen again.

Do I give up on the shoes, the dog, or the lunchtime bloody mary’s*?

Give me a minute. I’m thinking.

*Don’t look at me like that. They’ve got two olives, a green bean, pickled okra and peppers. It’s practically a salad.


  1. my vote is for the dog. I am a cat person myself and while they leave fur everywhere, they have yet to harm any show in my house, whereas I hear about digs destroying shoe collections all the time.

    Comment by Leti — January 8, 2008 @ 3:40 pm

  2. You know how at Lent you can give something “bad” up OR you can take on a good discipline? What about a wee shar-pei barrier to separate Monsieur Le Grunt (such a good name) from the sanctuary of shoes?

    One should never have to give up fashion, the beloved animal companionship, or what sounds like the world’s best bloody. Pray tell, where is that from? Halcyon? Mmmmm pickled okra…

    Comment by Sara — January 8, 2008 @ 3:46 pm

  3. Never the dog. I have given over my love of plants in favour of my herbivorous house tiger, Egon. Instead, I have found other decorating motifs at home & slowly fill my cat-free office with plants.

    This sounds like an amazing excuse for an Organizational Tool Shopping Spree, wherein you buy e.g. matching clear plastic (or tweed, or leather) shoe storage boxes & set up your shoe-babies in an appropriately respectful archival environment.

    Voila, a shoe museum that protects your treasures from puppy depredations.

    Nothing can protect them from your alcoholic intake (witness my chocolate martini soiled vintage satin clutch), so don’t bother.

    Comment by QuiteLight — January 8, 2008 @ 4:00 pm

  4. One never gives up on the dog. Dogs are one of the greatest gifts this planet has to offer. One simply becomes more creative in finding foolproof methods of keeping one’s expensive footwear (and other items of value) out of range of the dog’s mouth.

    Comment by Cat — January 8, 2008 @ 5:20 pm

  5. I think it comes down to having a dog or having nice things. Same goes for children.

    Comment by caitlin — January 8, 2008 @ 5:30 pm

  6. OK, here’s what you do……..

    1. Crate either the shoes or the dog. Either way they will be safe from each other.

    2. Double up on your usual Bloody Mary intake (they sound divine).

    Problem solved and I shall waive my usual fee ’cause you crack me up :-)

    Comment by gemdiva — January 8, 2008 @ 5:56 pm

  7. What I want to know is why, oh why, can one buy car insurance, house insurance, and even pet insurance but not shoe insurance??? What is wrong in this country that beautiful and expensive footware has to exist without the barest protection all other property has! That’s my political platform and I’m sticking to it!
    Drop nothing Plumcake! It is your duty as a fashionista to carry on thru trials and tribulations and still look super fantastic. In the mean time, a moment of silence for the dearly departed….

    Comment by Jennie — January 8, 2008 @ 9:24 pm

  8. I was already reaching into the closet for my funereal navy blue ( sorry, black makes me look ill and I refuse to look ill at funerals) outfit with the matching hat and pumps and then realized I’d be mourning for the loss of a heel. Now, having lost a heel on a pump (though certainly not one as beloved as your Atwoods), and in the action of which I also sprained my ankle, I am in hopes that your appendages are in good working order (though that does nothing for your Atwoods, I am afraid). I also vote along with the rest of the “protect your shoes” crowd here – dogs will be dogs. There is nothing you can do about their tendency to chew (and their taste in shoes to chew upon) but you can kill two birds with one stone and not only have a well-organized shoe collection, but a safe one as well.

    Comment by Toby Wollin — January 8, 2008 @ 10:20 pm

  9. Indeed, caitlin. I have a dog and a whole passel of cats, and I long ago gave up on trying to keep nice things on display in my home. However, I am fortunate enough to have a spacious guest room which doubles as a gigantic closet, wherein I keep all of my good shoes and clothes and other items that I don’t want the pets to get their grubby little paws on. The door is kept closed and no pets are allowed in, period.

    Comment by Cat — January 8, 2008 @ 11:42 pm

  10. May I suggest one of the ingenious little baby gates for your closet? They even make some nice looking wood gates with convenient and dog-proof closures. Having three dogs, one two-year-old and an intact shoe collection, I know that it can be done! Only one of my dogs has ever had a slip-up and he was a puppy at the time and the shoe was left out, so it was really my fault.

    BTW, if you give up that amazing sounding bloody mary, you don’t deserve to drink one ever again! Ever! Do publicize where it comes from. Please?

    Comment by Eilish — January 9, 2008 @ 1:45 am

  11. Oh, sweetie!!! My heart clutches up and a tiny, salty tear trickles down my wee face. Are you sure they are beyond repair? Even by our Fairy Godcobbler? He does love a challenge…

    Comment by Style Spy — January 9, 2008 @ 12:09 pm

  12. I would never suggest that anyone give up a: their pet, b: their glorious shoes, or c: their favorite drink (particularly when it is so healthy that it includes well pickeled okra!). I believe, as several others have suggested, that it’s a matter of organization rather than removal.

    Always put your good shoes away where the dog cannot get at them. Make sure the dog has plenty of appropriate chew toys (I realize this will not remove the allure of fine leather products, but it might take him longer to notice the shoes, thus giving you time to closet them safely), and – if necessary – get one of the highly touted dog/baby gates.

    When going drinking your favorite salad…er…Bloody Mary, be sure to take a pair of spare flats in your purse in case of overindulgence. Too many salads can have a strange effect on some women.

    In conclusion, I must urge you to heed the words of Style Spy and beg the Fairy Godcobbler for assistance. Let us not call the time of death on your pumps until he has examined the problem from every angle.

    (dabs eye delicately with lace hanky and hopes for the best)

    Comment by Twistie — January 9, 2008 @ 12:54 pm

  13. Jennie, you might be on to something – I had a friend claim on her house & content insurance over a ruined jacket, and I once put in a claim for eye glasses. Perhaps ‘Act of God’ might cover ‘Act of Dog’?

    Comment by Margo — January 9, 2008 @ 6:50 pm

  14. I once had a pair of perfect shoes, saved for and treasured and carefully hidden each night from the leather loving Golden Retriever Zach. Zach got old and could not jump on the bed and Christine got lazy and left the rare, expensive and irreplacable shoes on the middle of the bed in a box in a bag. The rare and unique speckled Topaz, who shunned shoe leather, despite the offers of Zach to her of many tender pairs, on this day indeed did jump up and eat the shoes in their entirety.

    Many years later the shoes are still mourned but more is the rare and unique speckled Topaz dog with the brilliant topaz eyes.

    Comment by Christine — January 9, 2008 @ 9:23 pm

  15. Oh, boy, somebody’s been a bad little doggie. I have been fortunate in that my dogs don’t generally share my shoe fetish. The one who is kind of interested in shoes will pick one up and run around with it; he got a watchband and chewed on it, but that’s about it. Both dogs are rescues, and one who does have a bit of a shoe fetish has trouble chewing his food, let alone leather–I think somebody may have kicked him at one point because he doesn’t have any teeth on the one side of his head; thus chewing is a lot of work for him and he’s not into it with toys or anything else. I also don’t think the breed (Pekingese) is known for chewing the way Goldens or bigger dogs do.

    My husband’s cat, OTOH, has been exponentially more destructive than the dogs–wrecks the curtains, wrecks the chair, rips on me (interloper that I am), rips on the carpet, etc. He positively *ruined* a beautiful white silk shirt I had. He’d raced out of the apartment to get outside on me–where he wasn’t allowed–and I chased him half a block (look! The fat lady, she can move when she’s motivated!) finally grabbed him, and he threw a full-fledged hissy fit, claws everywhere. And he’s a Siamese, so his claws are like scimitars. He ripped my pretty poet sleeves to shreds and me along with them, so by the time we got back home my white shirt was in tatters and covered in blood (mine). What are you going to do? My husband adores that little cat, and the cat was exclusively an indoor baby (though my scars suggest he might have held his own pretty well outside, though it was dangerous and trafficky); I had to do it. Threw away the shirt, sadly, but…the cat lives on, at age 19, and isn’t an unpleasant old fellow, really, even though he’s still not fond of me.

    Comment by Chaser — January 10, 2008 @ 2:39 am

  16. Not being a dog person, this is easy for me. The dog goes. I have friends whose window frames and plinths have been chewed away, whose dogs shed so much that they have bought that robot vacuum cleaner, and whose houses reek of dog smell. (Some cat owners are just as bad with the cat box.)

    Children, at least, can be trained and will someday grown out of their unwilling destructive behavior. Dogs, on the other hand, do not change.

    Comment by class-factotum — January 10, 2008 @ 4:45 pm

  17. I’m a little startled at the apparently-serious replies that the dog should go. Surely people could tell that Plumcake was joking?

    Comment by Laura — January 12, 2008 @ 8:34 pm

  18. Never the dog! Insane.

    I too am lucky, I’ve never had a pet eat a shoe or ruin an item of clothing. But all my shoes stay in shoe boxes, as they should.

    I’ve ruined more shoes than all 6 of my pets combined. And broken more plates/crystal too.

    Save me from myself!

    PS I’d visit with your cobbler before doing anything drastic.

    Comment by Poochie — January 12, 2008 @ 9:47 pm

  19. I totally bought the robot vacuum cleaner, and it had nothing to do with the dogs. It had to do with the fact that I fracking hate to vacuum and I desired a robot. Trust me, that one is no hardship! This is but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of things I bought for me me me!

    Comment by Chaser — January 13, 2008 @ 3:35 am

  20. My very large (100+ lbs) dog has yet to chew up anything at all in the house. He views chewing on non-chew-toy-things as beneath his massive dignity.

    My boyfriend’s 12-lb miniature Dachshund, on the other hand, has destroyed six pairs of shoes, one pair of jeans, a leather vest (thank you! Good puppy!), two pairs of work boots, and several sets of boxer shorts.

    This, however, is not all bad. I call the Doxie the Fashion Police Pup, since everything he’s eaten (with the exception of a pair of black Doc Martens) has been hideously ugly.

    Comment by Jo — January 13, 2008 @ 5:42 am

  21. Class factotum wrote “Children, at least, can be trained and will someday grown out of their unwilling destructive behavior. Dogs, on the other hand, do not change.”
    Actually dogs and cats can be easily trained out of bad behavior (usually by training the owner) and bad smells and excessive hair are again the owner’s fault (clean up the house, wash the dog, change the kitty tray, and brush the animals!) On the otherhand by the time you have the children trained out of their “unwilling destructive behavior”, they become teenagers and indulge in willing destructive behavior. This includes “borrowing” those beautiful designer shoes, clothes, and handbags, putting stains, rips, tears, cigarette burns (“my friend did it”) and mystery smells into what was a cherished item…

    Comment by Jennie — January 13, 2008 @ 1:13 pm

  22. Depending on what credit card you used you might be able to get a credit for those shoes…

    Comment by Sue F, — January 13, 2008 @ 7:44 pm

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