Francesca’s epiphany!
By FrancescaWhen Francesca was a young girl of 17 or 18, and wore a size 14-16, she pitied herself because most stores with fashions for the young girls stopped at size 12. Oh to be thin, Francesca often wished, so that I could shop at regular stores!
My, my how times have changed!
Recently, Francesca attended a workshop on how to use guided imagery to lose weight. Hold on! Before you berate Francesca for fraternizing with the enemy, allow her to say two things: 1) Just as Francesca is interested in fashion, she is also interested in the world of health and diet and thinness and fatness, and the world of what people are saying about thinness and fatness, and she was curious to see what would happen at such a workshop, who would show up, what would be said, and what messages would be imparted. She was there not as a person desiring to wear a size 2, but rather more as a spy. 2) Although Francesca does not feel a need to be thin, she does want to be healthier, which is not compatible with her current penchant for eating a box of cookies every single day. Especially since Francesca is in a high-risk categories for diabetes. Francesca can stay at size 24 for the rest of her life for all she cares, but if guided imagery can help her eat more fish and fruit and fewer Entenmann’s cupcakes, it might prevent her from having to give herself insulin shots down the road. Francesca has a great fear of the insulin shots. It is her conscious choice to try to avoid them.
Anyhow, there were many, many superfantastic Big Girls at this workshop, extremely accomplished and attractive women! Francesca was somewhat appalled by some of the things said by the presenters, who equated gaining weight with “being in big trouble” and did not allow for the idea that choosing to eat more and choosing not to lose weight at a particular time is a legitimate option for an intelligent woman who understands the implications of her decisions. Ayyyy! Enough with the thin-centric assumptions!
However, Francesca did indeed learn much about herself from the guided imagery.
In one exercise, we were instructed to imagine ourselves looking into a mirror, seeing ourselves as we are. Our fat, our clothes, our hair, everything we like and everything we dislike about our bodies. (Francesca could write a whole book about that last line alone, but she will move on for now.)
Then, we were told to imagine ourselves looking into another mirror, and imagining ourselves as we’d like to be.
Francesca imagined herself only slightly more lean and fit for doing more exercise and laying off the cookies - and with happy, happy insulin!
But the epiphany was: In both mirrors, Francesca was wearing exactly the same outfit!
With a wardrobe full of beautiful clothes from Igigi and Talbots and Saks and Nordstrom and Avenue, who needs to fantasize everything different?
Francesca’s dream body was wearing exactly the outfit she was wearing at the workshop.
Happy, happy day. One less reason to “need” to be a “normal” size!
January 17th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
[…] Here’s another interesting post I read today by Francesca […]
January 17th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I am so happy to hear that, Francesca! What a great mental state to have!
Recently, I came across a picture of the younger Dowdydiva from eight years ago. I was 40 pounds lighter, but I looked 10 years older than I do now. My skin was not well taken care off, my hair was frizzy and unloved , and on my face was a pained, self-pitying expression. Since I’ve gained weight, strangely enough, I’ve become more comfortable with my own body (and attractiveness) and taken much better care of it.
No, losing weight is not the answer to everything.
January 17th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
That outfit? Is gorgeous! No wonder you imagined yourself in it at any size…if I owned it I wouldn’t want to gain or lose an ounce, lest I not fit into it next time. In fact, I don’t own it and I still don’t want to gain or lose an ounce. I’m pretty happy with the curvy me (this is in part thanks to a few months of reading at kateharding.net - a site I think I found out about on this very blog!)
January 17th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Fantastic post. Thanks for sharing your epiphany. Your motives for taking the class and wanting to be healthier are admirable. And good for you for taking what you like and leaving the rest!
I have known the longing to shop in “normal” size stores; however, I have also known the thrill of having someone say, “Wow, I love that! Where did you get it?” and replying, “Lane Bryant. And it doesn’t come in your size! Ha ha!”
January 17th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Me, too, Patia! Me too! LOLOLOL!
January 17th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Francesca - having a happy pancreas is a very very worthy goal and one I am working on as well.