Friends, I am concerned. There has been a rash –and I’m not sure I don’t mean that literally– of inappropriate legging abuse. I believe in the early days of this blog I went on record as being a bit of a legging apologist, with the caveat that leggings are sui generis and not to be confused with tights or, even worse, pants.
So it is with heavy heart I report to you that I have seen no fewer than four big girls wearing butt-grazing “big shirts” and leggings in professional situations. There is a time and a place for a big sequins shirt and leggings sans pants. That time is 1972 and that place is the soundstage of Liza Minnelli’s groundbreaking musical spectacular “Liza With a Z” choreographed by one Mister Bob Fosse.
See, the thing about leggings as a stand-alone garment is that they reveal a bit more feminine mystery than I (and therefore all sensible people everywhere) think strictly appropriate. There are certain nooks and crannies that –unless you happen to be a Thomas’ English muffin or that weird butt-implant chick married to Ice T– should be, in the name of decency if not medical science, be shrouded in mystery.
Plus there’s the cellulite issue. I’ve got it. Most big girls do. Now, I don’t stare into the mirror above my bed and wail into the lonesome darkness about it, but I’m not especially keen to show the general public exactly how closely the back of my thighs resemble the latest topographical relief map of northern Scotland.
To review: Don’t take fashion advice from a woman whose lasting contribution to society was the spider lash and remember that no matter how ultrafab you truly truly are, none of us want to see your English muffin at the grocery store.