Other ideas are service vouchers for home manicure & pedicure, foot massage or facial services. Your friend makes the appointment when it suits her. I find that looking good and feeling good about myself when I’m not well help me recover faster - well at least I don’t whine as much as I might otherwise.

Or you can send your friend a craft kit - I picked up glass painting from a kit my friend gave me to see me through the last month of pregnancy when I could hardly walk for the water retention and bloating.

So, yes, by all means give her mom a break and offer to do errands (as has been said, making specific offers is critical to actually being useful). But really, just having a couple of people to talk to makes an enormous difference as far as feeling normal and connected with the world.

And you don’t have to be all chipper and upbeat about it, either — unless that’s what your friend seems to want or need from you, of course. But if she’s up for talking movies or shoes or politics or just silly stuff, go right ahead! Thinking about how sick you are is naturally part of being sick (duh!), but a little break and a bit of normal conversation can be a great relief.

Which is not to put down the idea of a thoughtful care package at all, instead or or in addition to a gift of time. Using something given by a caring friend or family member makes you feel connected and loved — and, sick or not, nobody can get enough of that!

(But be careful with those candles. Bed rest + candles=not always the best idea.)

A box of really good chocolates is nearly always a hit. Of course, if you bake, some homemade treats would probably be even better. I also say it’s hard to go wrong with a pretty journal and a really good pen for someone who’s going to have a lot of alone time in her own head. As you say, Francesca, recovery time from surgery can be a great time to take stock of things, and you don’t want to take the chance of losing those philosophical insights for lack of someplace to write them down.

One note about candles and scents. I assume that anyone you know well enough to be offering up this sort of post-surgical gift to is someone you know pretty darn well. Still, if you’re unsure how she is about open flames or whether there are perfumes she’s allergic/sensitive to, it might not be a bad idea to ask. After all, I thought everyone coming to my wedding shower would already know I’m hideously phobic about fire and can’t handle being in the same room with a lot of perfumed products…but most of them brought me scented candles. If there’s any doubt at all, double and triple check.