Manolo for the Big Girl

Look, I’m not advocating the wearing of Crocs. They are more or less an abomination unto to the Lord (and Taylor) and I have yet to be able to look at a pair of those horrendous plastic clogs without thinking the words “foot soup.” However, sometimes a girl just needs…and it pains me to say it…inexpensive, casual, comfortable shoes.

Case in point. One of my gentleman callers is an Englishman and like all Englishmen, he has a thing for “walking.” It’s the national sickness. I have had the good fortune to know every manner of Englishman from the proverbial Shropshire lad to the Dean of Canterbury Cathedral and I’ve yet to meet a native of that green and pleasant land whose soul doesn’t simply yearn to be ankle deep in grass and mud, tromping through a stranger’s sheep pasture in the rain.

Anyhoodle, the current Englishman invited me on a walking expedition wherein we would start at the bottom of a large rock and proceed to walk UP to the top of the damn thing and then after “admiring the view” (because apparently he doesn’t HAVE Google Image Search on his computer) walk right back down again. I explained to him that I wasn’t sure I had the right shoes for the deal and he just advised me to wear something with a rubber sole.

I opened my oven (I’m out of closet space, don’t judge me) and after a long pause asked “….so the Diors then?”

We did not go for that walk.

Here are the moderately inoffensive, lesser of many many evils Celeste Canvas Crocs, pointed out to me by my friend Harridan P.

I suppose these are the ones to wear if you MUST (see headline) wear Crocs. They are inexpensive and as a note of practicality, might be a good shoe to have in your emergency car kit in case you break down in the middle of the night wearing your Miu Miu teacups (for which I would murder you, your relations and your third grade math teacher) and have to hoof it to the nearest gas station.

and now for a little palate cleansing:

The aforementioned whimsical (though slightly less practical) Miu Miu Teacups, available for pre-order at Saks.

mmm, glamurderous.

Do you remember those wonderful “Fat Rant” videos by actress extraordinaire Joy Nash?

Well, if you are not reading her blog, you are missing out on something wonderful! Our friend Joy has partnered (so to speak) with the Michael Mullen to create a superfantastic series of sketch shows called “Fruit and Fly.” Guess who is the Fruit and who is the Fly?

Here is Francesca’s favorite episode. Put away the coffee before watching.
Happy watching!
xoxo

Francesca loves the shrug which comes with this dress. Sizes 12-32.

It is available in many colors, including this emerald green, deep purple, cherry red, and ivory.

Francesca has returned to her New York apartment from London, and what a wonderful time she had!

The meet-and-greet was a success! Two other Big Girls came, and a wonderful Skinny Girl; it turns out that all four of us were tourists. Shout out to Evelyn, Sarah, and Katrine! You are superfantastic!

And now, in honor of my London trip, I would like to recommend these beautiful Burberry umbrellas, or “brollies” as they are known in a place like London, where one has such a close relationship with one’s umbrella that one gives it a nickname:

Classic Burberry! 

Modern Burberry!

Another little gem from Coldwater Creek, this dress is cute for the teenage girl, without having a color that is cloying like some of the other girly-girly dresses do. Available in sizes 6-16 and Petite 6-16.

Yes, it’s time once again to play Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness! You all know the drill. I post a picture, you send in your best captions, and next saturday I declare a winner. So here’s the picture:

Ready…set…get silly!

Very nice for the Apple girl, a gown in a not-too-girly-girly shade of pink, with a black overlay. Francesca likes!

While Plumcake and I have disagreed one more than one ocassion, when it comes to flip flops we are of one mind. Just, no. Practical, aesthetc, and auditory reasons abound for our mutual aversion. I know that some of our readers will not change their flip flop loving ways, and hey! it’s a free country. Chances are it’s a free country where you are, too. We’re not your mommies or the Fashion Police. We will not come and try to take your flip flops from your feet, cold and dead or otherwise.

What I would like to do today, though, is offer up some more superfantastic alternatives. After all, warmer weather demands more open footwear. Nobody expects you to wear snowboots in August (unless you’re in a part of the world where it would be the most practical thing to do; say a nice long stay in Antarctica), but there are plenty of pretty sandals that aren’t flip flops. Let’s take a look at some of them, shall we?

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This “Magical Dress in Sky Blue” comes with a tulle shawl. So pretty, indeed like the sky!

Available on deep discount in Size 14/16 at Igigi, for just 80 American dollars.

Why do I even bother to come back from the dead when the moment I return to life I face mortification at every turn? Sigh.

So here’s the deal, I spend Thursday evenings in the bar of Austin’s grandest hotel drinking Hendrick’s martinis, being sociable and casually hoping to meet the first of what I hope will be a veritable slew of wealthy foreign husbands with chiseled jaws and Norman castles who don’t understand big complicated phrases like “entrapment” and “community property laws.”

One might think that the bar of the poshest hotel in town would be excellent people watching, in fact *I* thought the poshest hotel in town would be excellent people watching but sadly, no. It has done nothing but reinforce the idea that money cannot buy taste and that there is no such thing as a formal flip flop.

I don’t think I realized quite how much I hated flip flops until I saw pair after pair of bejeweled, bedazzled, bewildering flip flops slapslapslapping their way through the ankle-deep carpet. Frankly, if you are not at a beach, in a communal shower or getting your toes did, there is no reason to wear flip flops outside the house. None? NONE.

Let me ask you flip flop wearers something…other than comfort, which I’ll take your word for, what’s the allure? They’re not attractive. The cheap ones are cheap and the expensive ones just LOOK cheap and there is not an outfit that cannot be wrecked by the judicious (or injudicious) application of those slippy slappy monsters.

Oh and please don’t get me started with BRIDAL flip flops. I’m feeling faint. Quick, someone better refill my Hendrick’s.*

*Hendrick’s is the Unofficial Gin of Manolo for The Big Girl. Not only is it the finest gin I’ve ever consumed –which is fair praise indeed considering that I’m Church of England and thus haven’t been sober since first communion– but their annual Olympiad judges competitors on “style, wit, intellect and cut of trouser” and that’s the sort of sport I can get behind.