The Big Question: RAAAAAGE edition
Friends, I love the Francesca but I hate hate hate with a blinding, eye-twitching, forehead-vein-throbbing, ear-ringing fury the stupid convertible dress. In my mind there is only one acceptable type of convertible: the classic Cadillac variety. Since I already have one of those, I am set for life. Granted, it’s almost $100 to fill up, but life is too short to drive a Kia. That being said:
Francesca and Plumcake want to know:
What style trend, dress, look, whatever, fills you with inexplicable (or totally explicable) rage?
navy nails, peasant blouses. skinny jeans. brown and pink color schemes. low-cut summer tops as a matter of course (not at all universally flattering!)Teen-style clothes offered to women. flip flops, jellies, uggs, crocs, gladiator sandals. shoes with extreme toe-exposure meant for the office. cleavage-baring tops meant for work wear.the idea that bare legs—even when blue-white and shivering–are preferable to tights/hose. pink as a univerally flattering color. bras with no coverage or thickness. thongs. pleated slacks and skirts on those over 15. trashy t-shirts on prepubescent girls. periodic resurgence of blue and green eyeshadow. breaking bad on fake baking—its safe and attractive after spring break. hair jewelry. not everyone can wear bangs/straight hair/parted on the side styles. some women look like washerwomen in ponytails. blonde is expensive and frequently futile. red lips don’t work for a lot of people. pink lips can yellow your teeth. thigh-highs are always a bad choice, despite the designer and price tag. no stripper/hooker/ porn star wear please.
ah yes! the poor taste in wearing bare-shouldered, backless, plunging-necklined wedding dresses in religious ceremonies. vera wang what have you wrought. also brides with crowns or tiaras. brides rejecting the veil, but keeping everything else. its all symbolisim; borat will not put you in a sack iand carry you away if you wear a veil. its traditional. dyed to match shoes, however, are not. and no flip flops at weddings, even in the jungle!
Not only are Crocs seriously fugly, now those dippy bastards are making HIGH-HEELED Crocs in multiple styles! I shit you not! They look like Disney cartoon shoes.
Fuzzy, brightly-colored boots that look like they were made from the pelt of a Muppet.
Uggs, especially when worn with bare legs and a mini skirt. If it is cold enough for Uggs it is too cold for a mini, and if it is warm enough for a mini it is too warm for furry boots.
Mini skirts and tiny dresses worn by college girls who are riding bicycles around campus. Do they not realize they are showing the world virtually everything?
Low-rise super-skinny jeans. Bad on girls, even worse on boys.
Oh, I forgot. Deep, abiding, passionate hate for flip-flops with business attire. I keep wanting to take the women aside and ask them if they know what they’re doing to their feet by wearing those monstrosities. And the layered top in summer look just makes me confused and cross. Summer is for light attire, not bundling, I don’t care if the shirts are all paper-thin.
I have seen one set of pants with letters across the butt where it made sense. It said “Cranky.” A warning label for PMS-y days, in other words, but I wouldn’t wear them myself. A butt like mine does not need to be a billboard.
And I’m an offender on the “cartoon characters on adult-sized clothing” front. I’m also a comic book geek, so my cartoon characters tend to be created by Neil Gaiman or are otherwise on the darker side of the art form. I dare an eight-year-old to look appropriate while wearing a T-shirt that features Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn in a cuddly position that would be appropriate on the cover of Playboy. No, I take that back. The young are getting too much sexually suggestive attire as it is.
Oh, now THERE is a stone cold hate that will not die… but this isn’t a blog about children’s wear.
Writing on anything – if I want to convey a message, I can talk. Or write an e-mail. I don’t need to advertise anything on my person. Bubble skirts. Panties and butt cleavage showing. Jeans so tight that even an anorexic person gets muffin tops. Bare bellies in winter. But mostly inaproppriate tourist attire: that one makes me scream and foam at the mouth. For some reason, stuff you’d only wear in your back yard when all the neighbors are on vacation is alright in foreign cities and their churches and museums. hey, you can even go travelling in nothing but beer-gut, shorts, sunburn and no underwear! It’s only stupid furreners, guys, no need to look decent for those……
Before I move into my rant I would like to state – for the record- that I hadn’t known until recently how much people seem to abhor flip flops. Growing up in Southern California, having a pool, being a competitive swimmer, a lifeguard, and a beach bum in general, flip flops have always been a comfortable, often ideal shoe. I must know… is it all flip flops that people find evil, or just cheep plastic ones ( I wear lovely leather ones that don’t make too much noise).
Anyway…
The thing I hate most, so much that it makes want to smack, punch and berate the people I see participating in this ‘trend’, is bare footedness. I’m sorry but it is disgusting, looks ridiculous, and idiotic. I’d rather see white sneakers, uggs, even Crocs. Cover your feet people! Whatever happened to the whole ‘No shirt, No shoes, No service’ thing?
CROCS!!! Will they ever go away?
Also, flip flops, leggings (especially when worn as pants), and tent-dresses. If I wanted to look pregnant, I’d shove a basketball up my shirt – not put on a voluminous dress that oddly resembles a potato sack.
Slutty attire on young girls (not even teenagers) bothers me a lot. When my aunt was buying clothes for my 8yr old cousin, she had to go to a ridiculous number of stores to find a wardrobe actually suitable to an 8yr old and not a prostitute in training.
My really big rage though is heels worn with leggings/capris/shorts/gauchos. I think it looks super tacky. If it’s casual enough that you do not need pants, it is casual enough that you do not need heels, especially stilettos. If it’s too warm for pants, why not just wear a skirt?
Sam: Speaking for myself, I would hate flip-flops less if people wore them to the appropriate place and nowhere else. They are appropriate for the beach, the pool, the shower (if you live in a dorm or another communal living space). The second you cross the threshold of your house to go anywhere apart from the beach, they magically become inappropriate. If you’re going somewhere that water won’t destroy your shoes, get a pair of sandals that attach to the entire foot and have a supportive sole instead of a giant piece of rubber.
So glad chachaheels mentioned white shoes. They’re hideous at any time of the year and should never be worn unless you’re a nurse or playing tennis.
Leggings. Gag. Skinny, tapered jeans. There are maybe 5 people in the world over the age of 14 who look good in these. “Ironic” hipster facial hair. I want to hurt someone when I see that on some Williamsburg doofus who is most likely wearing a trucker hat too.
I understand the Uggs hate. They’re ridiculous when worn with miniskirts and they do tend to make your feet look like potatoes. But I’ll always have a pair because they’re perfect for throwing on quickly for late night dog walking and nothing’s better for schlepping around the neighborhood doing errands when it’s 30 degrees with 10 mph winds.
Sam,
Chelsea is right. The key to your confusion is that you have worn flip flops in the situations for which they were invented: a quick way of keeping the feet from being burnt, torn up, or exposed to fungus in the sand, by the pool, or in the gym shower. Nothing wrong there. But totally unsupportive shoes are not good for walking. They are not good for cold weather. They do not constitute formal or professional wear. Most flip-flop wearers seem to have missed these key bits of information.
The pants with writing on the butt are the ultimate horror. But pleated pants are pretty bad.
Really? I have to confess to being surprised at this. I guess for me, a “rejection” of the veil was more practical than symbolic. We went away to get married, and a veil would have been one extra thing to buy on a limited budget and pack in a limited suitcase. (Besides, my hair is my only beauty, so why hide it?)
High-waisted sailor pants. They never looked good on anyone, no matter how tall, how thin, how nautical.
Uggs with short skirts or shorts. Actually, all chunky boots for that matter. If it’s warm enough for bare legs, it’s too warm for the boots.
Fur.
I hate those super skinny jeans that teenage boys wear around their butts and they have to waddle to walk. The horrid, faded, baggy boxers they wear sticking out doesn’t help their cause any either.
I’m SOOO on board with the big hobo bags with fugly danglies. Especially when carried by tiny little fashionistas that look like the could *fit* in the bag.
I’m surprised no one has mentioned the clothes for big ladies that are made to “hide” oneself. Ankle-length box-cut coats with ankle-length skirts and a straight-cut top, all in a dark solid. Anything that screams “please don’t pay attention to my body!!” There is so much wonderful talk on this blog about buying the right cut for you, and that’s what I love about it.
Also, the “lazy” office-casual woman. Navy stretch-pants, a fleece “sweater”, and those brown shoes do fall within dress code, but where’s your superfantasticness?!? I want to point them (big or not) to this blog and show them that everyone can be lovely and superfantastic!
I find it hard to rage at young people following stupid trends. If I didn’t follow trends when I was young it’s because I was too poor or my mother wouldn’t let me, not because I didn’t want to. Yes, their dumb. Young people, by definition, are dumb. They need to make the mistakes before they can learn. Even if it means getting frostbite on their tootsies ’cause they were dumb enough to wear flip-flops while there’s still snow on the ground.
Oh, but high-heeled sneakers will never fly. Hear me, Posh?? NEVER.
Overpriced, overlogo’d designer bags.
La Petite Acadienne, I bet your hair is pretty, but I also bet it’s not your only beauty.
The University where I teach…its bookstore has a whole big display of flipflops. It’s a solid wall of flip flops, hanging there, waiting to get upon the feets of the people in my class. You should hear them; I have better things to do than police people, so I tend not to get snarky with students who come into class late. But then when they do and they are wearing flipflops you hear thlusp-thlusp-thlusp-thlusp the whole time they are trying to get to a seat. I suppose my high-heeled mules are just as bad going down the hall, though.
This brings up a question. My mother always said backless shoes are not ok at work. But I work at a university in southern California, and we’re pretty casual. I wear dresses on days I don’t teach and suits on days I do teach. On dress days, I think mules are ok…but I am not sure.
I second the words on the butt of the pants thing…or am I thirding that? I’ve seen young girls — and I’m talking 11, 12, 13ish here — walking about with “Sassy” and “Sexy” and so forth written on their derrières. What sort of parents buys something like that for their children, anyway?
HONEY, YOU ARE BARELY ENTERING PUBERTY — YOUR ASS IS NOT “SASSY.”
Good God. I hate low rise pants with enough fury to burn 10,000 suns. I’ve had a child. I have the body of someone who has had a child. Low rise pants are the work of El Diablo.
Kate- the “sorority…” pants you are talking about? We called them “f&%k me pants” when I was an undergrad.
About uggs- I hate them, too. But more than hating them in the winter when worn with the miniskirt, I hate it when I see women in them in July in shorts and minis.
I hate and have boycotted purses with short straps/handles, and cannot wait for this trend to pass, already. If you wear one on your forearm, you look like either Queen Elizabeth II or Tyrannosaurus Rex. (Hold up both your arms in handbag-over-forearm position, and you’ll see what I mean.) If you put one over your shoulder you are, essentially, shoving your handbag into your armpit. Eww.
I hate, hate: Pajamas and slippers in public.
PUT ON SOME CLOTHES, PEOPLE! Just wear clothes. Your slippers look like rats on your feet, and your pajamas are NOT CUTE.
Gah.
I guess I’ve gotten used to the flipflops everywhere, because I’ve downgraded from Rage to simply Disgust. Like, flipflops on the streets of New York City? That’s effin disgusting, people. Have you SEEN the sidewalk? Augh.
In addition to things described above, i.e., gauchos, cropped pants, armpit grabbing purse straps, uggs, crocs, ass-writing, low-rise pants, and leggings – let me add PUFFY SLEEVES as my current HATE HATE HATE item.
I have fat arms. I do not like sleeves with elastic right at the fattest part, kthxbai. Plus, that shit should be over when you’re out of elementary school.
Sam–I think a lot of the vitriol re. flip flops is directed at the cheap, plastic variety. A nice pair of leather flip flops is totally fine in a casual setting (but only when it’s warm, of course!)
I had a pair of black cropped leggings with lace around the bottom that I absolutely loved. I wore them with a leopard print tunic. Then again, I was 8 and it was the 80s.
I hate cute shoes with huge clunky soles that make it look like you strapped snow shoes to the bottom.
I hate those “fake worn” jeans as well, especially the ones where they take it a step further from bleaching and add fake dirt. I can dirty up my own jeans, thanks.
I hate fake fur. I understand if you don’t want to wear the real stuff, but fur accents are not mandatory, and the fake stuff always looks like a skinned teddy bear. And after it goes through the wash a couple of times and gets all matted, it’s just gross.
But my #1 fashion hate right now: FRIGGING COLORFUL RUBBER BOOTS. These are not dressy enough to wear with dresses (as I see being done every day), they’re not winter boots (they’re both cold and slippery on ice and snow), and they look horribly childish. I have had several pairs of rubber boots; their use was limited to walking through muddy horse pastures and mucking out stalls. They’re NOT a “darling fashion statement.”
Low slung waistbands. I pity so much all the poor little middle and high school girls who have grown up thinking that this is the only kind of waistband, with their squishy little muffin tops and poochy bellies blorping about all over the place. In the 80s, we battened those things down under our pants with proper humility. And aesthetic common sense.
I want pants that go to my actual waist, damnit!
The new heel-less platforms designers are showing. WTF??? Half a shoe for all the cost? Low, low jeans, Crocs and any tall, tall shoe (7 inch platfoems, really folks) that looks painful and maiming to wear.
3/4 length sleeves and cropped pants. No, they do not look casual and chic, they look like your clothes shrunk in the wash.
I have uggs HOWEVER they are not the ones everyone else has. Does that qualify me for the hate? If it helps I do only wear them in winter and I live in Michigan where there is currently about a foot and half of snow on the ground.
Hate puffy sleeves on anyone over 8 years old. As for footwear…..can’t stomach seeing/hearing women shuffling in flip flops, or “gallumpfing”( to use a made up word), along like a clydsdale in heels they never learned to walk in. YUK!
Trouser jeans. Loathesome and unattractive trend. Like something my mom tried to make me wear in the 1970s. I had too much taste for it then, and I do now.
* adults wearing those brightly printed hoodies meant for 7th-10th graders
* “ironic” moustaches on men (don’t really like the unironic ones either)
* children dressed as apprentice prostitutes
* “sport”sandals and socks
* just because you got it at a thrift store doesn’t make it vintage
* I’ll add my voice to the ugly comfortable shoe, just because it’s comfy doesn’t make it right!
Yikes — almost 100 comments. We are one angry bunch, aren’t we?
Marie said:
Tyrannosaurus Rex. (Hold up both your arms in handbag-over-forearm position, and you’ll see what I mean.)
This comment made my day. It is ridiculous, mainly because it’s so true!
Also, I have to add one more thing to my previous comment: Those shirts that have a seem right across the bustline. You knowt he ones I’m talking about – they usually have a bit of puckering around the seam, which runs from armpit to armpit. Perhaps (perhaps) this works with women with smaller chests, but for anyone B-cup or above it looks utterly ridiculous. And belted? Even worse!
Flip flops. And? Shorts on adults. Go ahead, flame me.
I hate shorts. What? You are doing chores around the house on a hot day? Running to the mail box? Watching the game on the couch? Hiking in the jungle? Working out? Ok, fine, I GET IT. As a fashion choice? Oh, grow up!
I hate tights or nylons with opened toe shoes. I’ve always thought that looks tacky, especially when the toe seam is showing.
Down in my hard little heart, I keep a very special fire of hatred burning for the following things (besides what y’all said):
-Juicy Coture (all of it)
-Anything cutesy for adults. If there are cartoon characters on it, I want to kick your teeth in. I won’t because I was Raised Right, but bless your heart you look like a total idiot with your Tigger jacket.
-Matched sets for the middle-aged woman (bonus points if they have anything appliqued on them). You’re 50! Why the hell are you wearing matchy-matchy capri pants embroidered with little tropical drinks that coordinate with your bedazzled shirt?
-Those really cheap patchwork leather bags. I loathe fugly purses, but these are my least favorite.
-OH MY GOD FAKE ACRYLIC TOENAILS. WTF?
I agree with the girls who stated “pants with words across the butt” as a most-hated. A woman I work with refuses to let her daughters wear them, citing that nobody needs to look at her childrens’ butts. Yay for sensibility!
As for me, it’s Uggs with short skirts. It’s a paradox – Uggs are meant to keep you warm, short skirts are meant to keep you cool. Pick one!
Also, someone mentioned children dressing like prostitutes – I work in an elementary school, and unfortunately see this all the time. Fifth graders wearing blue eyeshadow and red lipstick – I just want to pull them aside and tell them that they don’t need to be wearing makeup at their age, but if they really want to, pick more neutral, appropriate colors. I say, death to Libby Lu stores and her slutty friends!
First time commenter…couldn’t resist!
Nautical anything, particularly if it features navy and white horizontal stripes or gold buttons. Bleargh!
Trapeze/empire waist tops and dresses. Not pregnant and not planning to shoplift a watermelon, thankyouverymuch.
Old lady clothes – why? There are whole departments of the matched-applique crap described above. Is there some age at which a switch goes on and people say, “Yeah! I totally want to wear stretch pants and a tunic with fruits and vegetables on them?” I guess they’re comfortable and don’t have as many buttons and stuff…but can’t they make stuff that’s easier for older women to put on but not crappy?
Amen, Twistie!! I am with you all the way with logo things. I am bewildered that people want us to pay hundreds of dollars for a tapestry handbag riddled with a logo. I happily pay more money for a leather handbag that will last forever and not make me feel like a chump for paying for the chance to advertise.
Nothing really enrages me re: clothing. They are just clothes – and if they are on someone else that you can’t take as a tax deduction or never took you as a tax deduction – MYOB.
The following are particularly unflattering on me, but if you like, you can wear:
Puffy sleeves – long or short – I don’t need more puff there.
High waisted pants or mom jeans. If you are not going to support my bust, you don’t need to be up there.
WIDE leg pants – gauchos, palazzos, the really wide ones.
Damn, it is comfortable, but only bathing suits should be made of the really clingy stretchy spandex (and maybe some athletic training clothing).
Sara (6:05 p.m.), you are not alone — I also think that shorts on adults look stupid. I wouldn’t say they enrage me — the only fashion choice that really makes me angry is fur — but I think shorts are unflattering and silly-looking on adults.
First of all, y’all live among much more “exciting” fashions than I do. I live in conservative-ville, don’t live near the university–don’t see anything memorable.
Except.
Herds of slack-jawed, shuffling nincompoops in gigantic flannel pajama bottoms. And apparently they are so very tired, in their Cheeto-induced haze, that they cannot pick up their filthy-slippered feet when they walk. I reserve my white-hot Death Glare for the occasional 40 or 50 year old housewife I see in this get-up.
Fur makes me ill. Tapered pants including tapered crops–scary!
I second Sara.
There is a special section of my tiny heart devoted to a cold, passionless hatred of Juicy Couture.
While I am not ‘enraged’, I am sick to death and disgusted by what has been mentioned and must add the following to the list: the little bit of facial hair on men between their lower lip and chin–the ‘soul patch’. Blech. If you want a beard–grow a complete one (there are many variations on beards that can look quite stylish and handsome on a man’s face) or else SHAVE your face! I also despise tongue studs–I have yet to encounter ANYONE who can enunciate properly with one–and I do not want to hear it clacking against your teeth (and don’t get me started on how too many young people slur their words when speaking)! But the one ‘trend’ I can not, not, NOT stand is the combination low-rise jeans with brightly colored thong rising far above it to showcase the quite visible tattoo on the very lower part of the back just above the butt crack. I so do NOT want to see your underwear or butt crack or parts thereof. My young adult sons (ages 20 and 22) also hate this look, and men their age have a name for this look: “tramp stamp”. Yup, because that is what they think of women of ANY age who appear this way in public.
As previously mentioned by others, I abhor the ultra-baggy pants/jeans/shorts on men that they wear belted waaaayy below their waist (as low as their knees at times) with the also baggy boxer shorts puffed out above. WHY? Or the same thing with swimming trunks. Double why? I have actually seen them so low (at the knees) that these wannabe hipster doofuses can barely walk.
Oh, and baseball style caps as a ‘fashion’ statement or accessory. Especially when left on while INDOORS. If you are at an outdoor sporting event, camping, fishing, hiking, on safari, playing or participating in an outdoor sport (or even lounging at the pool or on the beach)–hooray! That is their purpose. But comb, brush, wash, style your hair–don’t throw that thing on and go out in public! Why do people wear any such OUTDOOR hats INDOORS? Take it off in: a restaurant, CHURCH (for goodness sake!), the movie theatre, etc. I totally agree with what was said about wearing it backwards (or sideways or tilted askew). If you cannot master wearing such a simple item of clothing as it was designed, then I worry about the other simple tasks that you may not be able to master (we have all seen toddlers struggle to dress themselves, but they eventually learn and get it right–so why are we regressing here, boys?) Are you lacking in such basic decision-making skills, or are you such a sheep that because some celebrity does this, you blindly follow and emulate their foolish lack of fashion and common sense choices? Hmmm, that may be a rhetorical question.
OK, I better stop now.
I have to go with the muffin top – really, wear whatever atrocity you want – but for God’s sake, buy it in a size that does not cause an explosion of excess skin above the hem.
A flattering fit will let you pull off all kinds of ironic fashion vagaries.
The ass hanging out of the back of the jean clad in boxers with the crotch between the knees and the lads clutching their package pretending to be cool but really holding their pants up. What is it that boys clothes are way too loose and girls clothes are way too tight? Oh girls, whale tail is uber slutty…