Here is another amusing exerpt, chosen randomly from our Bible, the superfantastic Wake Up, I’m Fat!:
The Road to Wellville was a film about bodies. All kinds of them. Fat, thin, short, funny looking, and Alan was looking for people with all kinds of body shapes. He asked me if I could ride a horse, and once again, like all well-trained actors I told him, “Absolutely.” If he had pursued it, I was prepared to tell him that I spent every summer at my family’s ranch in, uh, Montana, just a two-day trot from Peoria. Never mind that I hadn’t been on a horse in over twenty years. Then he asked me how I would feel about getting naked. I said, “I feel fine about it, how would you feel?” He laughed, which I sensed was a big accomplishment. Finally I just said, “Listen, I’ll ride a horse naked if you want me to.” I got the part. That was the good news. The bad news: He really expected me to follow through on that whole get-naked thing. You’d think I would have learned by now, but knee-jerk I-can-do-it actor’s instincts still get me in trouble. Like, when the publishers of this book asked, “Do you really think you can write a book?” “Sure,” I said. “I spend every summer at my family’s book-writing camp in Montana. The problem was that they actually wanted me to write a book, which is a damed sight harder than getting naked.
Francesca wants to know: What would be easier for you, writing a memoir or getting naked in a feature film?
Francesca says, for herself: Getting naked in a feature film is much less time-consuming, but would require many, many shots of Frog Water Cocktail to happen.
I dare not write a memoir — my past is just too scandalous. (I mean, what is a girl supposed to do when the Swedish navy is in town?)
I’d get naked in the film, but would beg and plead for a kind and talented lighting director, and would reserve the right to nix certain bodily positions.
Comment by La Petite Acadienne — March 18, 2008 @ 10:47 am
I don’t know that anyone but me would be interested in either.
Comment by Leah — March 18, 2008 @ 11:09 am
Oh, I’d get naked on film, for sure. It would give me something to write about in my book.
Comment by Bridey — March 18, 2008 @ 11:13 am
I’d much rather write the book!
Comment by VerseFameBeauty — March 18, 2008 @ 11:17 am
Well seeing as I write a bit everyday I would go with the book. While I have nothing against being naked on film if one wanted, this particular Amazon is not the one for exposing her Goddess-y bits on unforgiving celluloid.
Comment by AmazonAngelle — March 18, 2008 @ 12:47 pm
Well, it depends. I could write a memoir, if you wanted; I could write a bushel basket of them. I could probably, if pushed, even write one that was true. If necessary.
How’s the lighting in the film?
Comment by La BellaDonna — March 18, 2008 @ 1:21 pm
*And a moment of honesty, here. Seriously? I don’t get naked for myself. There’d have to be an awfully good reason – and some really good lighting – for me to get naked in a film.
Comment by La BellaDonna — March 18, 2008 @ 1:22 pm
Hey Francesca!
My name is Carri and I am a plus-sized actress here in Southern California. And I actually HAVE GOTTEN naked in a feature film!
I played Jamie Kennedy’s lady in the film Heckler. If you want to check it out…..www.hecklermovie.com
Because of my size (400lbs) and my look (tattoos) I work a lot. And most of these roles are in my bra and panties. I say why not! I’m getting paid. Everyone is professional and very nice.
I remember the first time I was in my underwear on camera was for the Papa Roach video, “She Loves Me Not”.
It was great fun!
If you want to see any of my videos….go to
http://www.youtube.com/audwey23
Comment by Carrie — March 18, 2008 @ 2:01 pm
I would absolutely get naked on film. As a former theater person, numerous people have seen me in various states of undress, and no one complained about it to me. I’m really pretty comfortable naked.
Writing a book would be really hard for me because I’m not a very good writer. I would be so much more worried about someone not liking a book I worked really, really hard on and wasn’t very sure about than someone not liking my body which I don’t work much on and am very sure about.
Comment by JRho — March 18, 2008 @ 2:09 pm
I would go naked. Thats not to say that I wouldn’t be incredible neurotic in preparing for my buff debut. Id take all the herbs that promise to lift and smooth and all the potions that vow to create miracles. Oh…and id get facials and body buffers and scrubs. It might even push me to start that exercise program. Hell…Id just write the book.
Oh…and in my dream life I would be best friends with La Petite Acadienne. What fun!
Comment by Peaches — March 18, 2008 @ 2:54 pm
Awww…Peaches. You’re making me blush.
Perhaps I’ll write my memoirs when I’m a sweet, respectable, innocent-looking old lady. If nothing else, the grandchildren will be amused to find out about all of the shenanigans I got up to in my wild and single days. Amused…or traumatized. Either way, it’ll be vastly entertaining for me.
Comment by La Petite Acadienne — March 18, 2008 @ 3:23 pm
I’ve done this, and let me tell you, getting naked in a film is nothing.
However, SEEING your naked body on a 20 foot screen in a room full of stangers is a horrifying experience that I would gladly write a memoir to avoid having to repeat.
Comment by holls — March 18, 2008 @ 4:27 pm
The Annalucia has had five children and let her tell you, after repeated childbirth she has no modesty left whatsoever, and she would get naked in the blink of an eye. However the spectators would probably require eye-bleach afterwards, in order to purge themselves of the sight of the middle-aged Apple-shaped female.
On the other hand she will never write a memoir. Her childhood was a misery of abuse and cruelty thanks to the mamma who ought really to have been in the asylum for the mentally deranged. And while the Annalucia and the Tedesco have long been happily married (it will be thirty years in June) she really does not feel like writing it all down.
Comment by Annalucia — March 18, 2008 @ 7:38 pm
naked.
much easier than writing a memoir.
although, like Leah said, it would be a small interested audience for either.
Comment by CanadianChick — March 18, 2008 @ 7:58 pm
Getting naked would be easier. Writing, more enjoyable. I think I’d have to choose naked at this point in my life. I don’t have time to write out a memoir. :)
Comment by Angel — March 18, 2008 @ 7:59 pm
Hell, I’ll do both. Right now. I don’t think a memoir would be that interesting… but I have a lovely fiction that I’m working on. Also, I’m quite sure that lots of people would want to see me naked. I think there’s a fascination with 38G/ 38F/ 38DDDD breasts. Stupid bra sizing. Someone should slap all the bra makers around till they all agree on what sizes are above a D.
Comment by Zenevieva — March 18, 2008 @ 11:26 pm
One would require discpline and the other lots of Frog Water Cocktails… Hhhummmm? Which would be which???
Comment by Jennie — March 19, 2008 @ 12:34 am
I’m with you, Zenevieva! I know there are plenty of people who find me attractive, so that’s not really an issue. I’ve had more than a few experiences of co-ed naked hot-tubbing with strangers, so that would be nothing new or challenging. The memoir would take a lot more work, and really wouldn’t be that interesting, I don’t think. My parents would be scandalized if I were truthful, though. *wink*
Comment by MsChilePepper — March 19, 2008 @ 12:51 am
I use to pose nude for art classes when I was younger (and quite a bit thinner), but I was never thin, so I was always Ruebenesque. :)
Comment by Chaser — March 19, 2008 @ 11:34 am
Definitely the memoir. I still have bad feelings from a time when my hubby and I decided to film ourselves in an intimate moment. I was many pounds thinner then. I don’t need to recreate that.
Comment by Ripley — March 19, 2008 @ 4:31 pm
I wouldn’t mind be naked in front of strangers. Indeed, I have done so at nude beaches. But being naked in front of people I know who wouldn’t otherwise see me that way? No way.
Comment by class-factotum — March 20, 2008 @ 1:11 pm