Friends, I am posting to you from under fire. There is a BAT in my office. I do not care for bats. You cannot eat them and the do not make pretty shoes. They do eat bugs and that is nice for my personal comfort, but I ate a bug once (well twice if you count the time in second grade when Steven Quick bet me a dollar that I wouldn’t eat a cicada in two bites) and I can’t really see as anyone with much sense would do it on purpose.
Anyway, as I’m positive that Terrence (I have named the bat Terrence) is either rabid, murderous or both I have decided to pen my last words and drip a few drops from ye olde font of knowledge ere I shuffle loose this mortal coil before I even get to wear my new Tory Burch wedges. So that being said, here are my final pearls of womanly wisdom:
Always wear a slip because you just never know.
There will always be wind. It’s like death and taxes both in inevitablity and in the fact that it blows. Unless you never wear dresses or have a popemobile (Incidentally, I have a JPII doll and he’s wearing bloomers under his chausble) you will, at some point, be walking somewhere where there is wind and your skirt WILL, in the immortal words of Keats take flight “on the viewless wings of Poesy” and you’ll ALWAYS be the most questionable pair of britches you own. It’s a rule of the universe. Trust me on this one.
I have seen way too many nubile young thighs for someone who doesn’t make a point to carry around a lot of singles. Don’t let it happen to you. The wind will still blow and your friends and neighbors will reveal their Tuesday underpants on a Thursday morning, but if your dress flips up, no one will be scandalizes by your scanties.
With this note (oh, and always carry a razor in your purse) I commend myself to Heaven. Come and get me Terrence. The comedy is over.