Manolo for the Big Girl

With all this talk of prom dresses I thought we’d ask a little topical Big Question. Yes it’s late but –much like prom dates and the traditional subsequent panicked wait for Our Monthly Friend– better late than never.

Francesca and Plumcake want to know: All about your prom. Give us the dirt!

The night of my senior prom my boyfriend and I, the most popular couple in school (natch) had broken up after three years. We still had to put in an appearance. It was awkward to be sure. The awkwardness was compounded by a half-page photo in the local newspaper labeling us as “The Happy Couple: Prom King and Queen!”

Believe it or not, this pretty little number is from Colwater Creek! It is available in sizes 6-16 and Petite 6-16, for under $120.

For the graduating girl who wants to show off her calves, and be pretty in pink, a dress here for under 90 of the American dollars! Available in sizes 12-20:

Okay, so technically I’m supposed to be dead, but if we’ve learned anything from “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade” it’s that the Holy Grail can do miraculous things. Well friends, HERE is the Holy Grail.

It’s the instantly iconic Prada Sfumata Mary Jane over which everyone (including The Manolo and your humble pal Plumcake)  fawned.  Style Spy declared them the shoe of the season and they were both very difficult and very expensive to acquire.  In fact when I saw that the size 41’s (although I’d say anyone from an American 10 to a small 12 could probably wear them) were on sale for FIFTY PERCENT OFF I started pulling out my hair with one hand and frantically emailing Style Spy –who already owns them–  with the other.  Do I buy them for myself or do I let my readers in on the secret?

See, technically I already have these. Yes, they’re the pumps, but when it comes right down to it, even I do not need two pairs of Prada nero/grigio sfumata shoes. So go, shop. They’re still not cheap, but they ARE a bargain.

You won’t regret it.

 Francesca feels safe, this time, in assuming that the subject of this painting, “Woman with a Parasol” by Pierre Auguste Renoir is, in fact, a woman. And what a beautiful one at that!

(A poster print of this painting is available here.)

Francesca asks:

What is this woman thinking about?

And, while the woman is thinking whatever she is thinking, how long will it be before she realizes that the little child is about to run off to Cincinnati?

Friends, I am posting to you from under fire. There is a BAT in my office. I do not care for bats. You cannot eat them and the do not make pretty shoes. They do eat bugs and that is nice for my personal comfort, but I ate a bug once (well twice if you count the time in second grade when Steven Quick bet me a dollar that I wouldn’t eat a cicada in two bites) and I can’t really see as anyone with much sense would do it on purpose.
Anyway, as I’m positive that Terrence (I have named the bat Terrence) is either rabid, murderous or both I have decided to pen my last words and drip a few drops from ye olde font of knowledge ere I shuffle loose this mortal coil before I even get to wear my new Tory Burch wedges. So that being said, here are my final pearls of womanly wisdom:

Always wear a slip because you just never know.

There will always be wind. It’s like death and taxes both in inevitablity and in the fact that it blows. Unless you never wear dresses or have a popemobile (Incidentally, I have a JPII doll and he’s wearing bloomers under his chausble) you will, at some point, be walking somewhere where there is wind and your skirt WILL, in the immortal words of Keats take flight “on the viewless wings of Poesy” and you’ll ALWAYS be the most questionable pair of britches you own. It’s a rule of the universe. Trust me on this one.

I have seen way too many nubile young thighs for someone who doesn’t make a point to carry around a lot of singles. Don’t let it happen to you. The wind will still blow and your friends and neighbors will reveal their Tuesday underpants on a Thursday morning, but if your dress flips up, no one will be scandalizes by your scanties.

With this note (oh, and always carry a razor in your purse) I commend myself to Heaven. Come and get me Terrence. The comedy is over.

How often does a girl have a chance to wear an off-the-shoulder dress?

This one is available in sizes 14-24 in both yellow and black.

Francesca thinks the yellow is an unusual color to wear to the prom, perhaps because not that many girls can “get away with” yellow. So if you can, stand out! (and the black version is nice, too)

Look, a formal dress with SLEEVES! It is the Chloe in Rose, available in size 14/16 on deep discount at Igigi, for just 80 American dollars!

Here, for your amusement, is Francesca’s absolute favorite excerpt from Wake Up, I’m Fat!:

Protesting injustice is a way of life in my family. One summer in Santa Cruz I was arrested and thrown in jail for participating in a pro-choice rally. So I called my parents to get me out.

CAM: Mom, Mom, I’m in jail.

MOM: You’re what?

CAM: I’m in jail, Mom.

MOM: Oh my God, what for?

CAM: Mom, I was arrested for participating in a pro-choice rally.

MOM: Oh, honey, that’s wonderful. Mazeltov! Jerry, Camryn got arrested for civil disobedience.

DAD: That’s great, honey, Go Go Go! Fight fight fight.

MOM: Stop it, Jerry. It’s long distance prime time, for God’s sake.

CAM: (screaming) Mom? Get me out of jail!

MOM: No, honey, you stay in there and make your point.

Click. 

 

Here,  a lovely and cost-conscious dress from Torrid, in sizes 12-26: