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Manolo for the Big Girl | Archive | April, 2008
Archive - April, 2008

The Big Question: Cinch It! Edition

Friends, forgive me for posting today’s Big Question so late. Since I’ve been on vacation I’ve kept busy with important endeavors like trying to figure out a flattering way to wear a dress I picked up on eBay that turned out to be a little low-brow pirate-wenchy on me (answer, worn back-to-the-front with an Hermes scarf around the waist. If you’re going to do low-brow, you might as well do low-brow in Hermes, since Hermes improves everything)

So without further ado Francesca and Plumcake want to know:

How do you “save” an otherwise less-than-superfantastic outfit?

Oo la la

Monif C. has introduced a line of swimsuits, and they are very, very pricey and very, very sexy. Francesca likes!

This swimsuit makes Francesca want to become an Angel of the Charlie. Apparently, there are ties at the legs which allow you to adjust it so you can show more thigh, or less. Francesca does not understand how that works, exactly, but is intrigued by the idea.

Wow!

Happy shopping!

xoxo, Francesca

The Big Question: Little Richard, Frida Kahlo and John Waters Edition

A few nights ago my photog friend Nathan Black, proprietor of knuckletattoos.com and all around good guy and I met at a local haunt where a bunch of girls were having what can only be described as a Mustache Party. Cute girls, all adorned with an astounding variety of penciled or pasted mustachios.  Nathan, apparently, has a thing for hot girls with mustaches and, upon receiving a text from the bartender reading “dude, hots girls w mustaches” hightailed himself over to the ‘Stache Party with a quickness.

Personally, I am not a mustache enthusiast.

Seeing as I seem to spend quite a bit of time and money trying to rid myself of the damn things (I suspect I’ve sent at least one small Vietnamese village to college, seven dollars at a time) I do not see the allure of drawing or gluing them back on.

However, it does bring up an interesting question about unusual beauty. Were I not fundamentally lazy and against learning in any form, I would say something about all beautiful (not to be confused with cute or just pretty) people are beautiful in different ways and go all Anna “The Train” Karenina on your collective backsides. But I am, so I won’t and you’re just going to have to lump it.

That being said, I do believe that everyone has a weird little something that adds to their beauty. For me, it’s my slightly odd upper lip so for the second Big Question of the week

Francesca and Plumcake want to know:

What unusual characteristic makes you beautiful? Did you always love it or have you come to embracing it gradually?

Big Question Week! Startiiiiiiiing…..NOW!

Well gang, I’m on vacation from the dead tree biz for the next two weeks and to celebrate I thought we’d have two theme weeks. This week will be all about audience participation with a full five days of Big Questions. While next week will feature Plumcake’s All Time Top Five Fashion Movies.

Incidentally, if you have an idea for a Big Question, shoot me an email. The only thing I like more than getting paid for writing is David Tennant naked in a wading pool of Ossetra caviar getting paid for other people’s writing so if you’d like to get some Big Girl feedback –plus the glorious fame and undeniable thrill of a lifetime that is being featured on the same page as yours truly, click on my name and ask away. If I am piqued by your question you might just see it in print.

Today Francesca and Plumcake want to know:

What is your deepest, darkest style secret?

I’ll tell you one of mine. I have a perfect pinched-cheek pink lip stain and whenever I wear it people ask me what it is. I always demur and say I can’t remember but in truth it’s a “Pink Ribbon” Sharpie marker. Yes, I’ll probably die of Sharpie poisoning, I don’t care. It looks amazing.

And as a bonus, I’ll be providing you with a little bit of Daily Hotness. First up, the previously mention superhot but sadly clothed David Tennant in a hilarious sketch for the BBC Red Nose Day.

The Value of a Weighty Person

The other day, msn Finance published an article about the potential savings to the US economy if nobody were fat. Never mind that the author’s math doesn’t add up on any level. After all, she assumes that a) every fat person eats lots of Big Macs and b) no thin person does. She also assumes that McDonalds would survive – nay, would continue to be profitable – if instead of selling Big Macs they sold ‘little steamed chicken snacks.’

In this Thintopia suggested by the author, diabetes and heart disease would nearly disappear. What’s more, apparently nothing else would kill us! Insurance rates would plummet and more money would go into preventative care…or:

That sounds good, but Roland Sturm, a senior economist for Rand in Santa Monica, Calif., doubts anyone would pay for preventive care. More likely, he says, some doctors would be on the street. “They could drive cabs,” he suggests.

Of course, no thin person has diabetes or heart disease or suffers a stroke, right? And nothing else would come along to kill us because if we would just stop being fat, clearly we would live forever. And people are only willing to pay for catastrophic health care over preventative or maintenance care because…well, we’re not entirely sure why, but since an economist said it, it must be true.

And of course, in this new nirvana, nobody would ever take a sick day because we all know that every time someone calls in sick at work it’s because of fat…not colds, flu, sprained ankles, or a host of other ills that befall everyone, fat or thin. Our dependance on foriegn oil would evaporate as our trim little bums would lessen the strain on our SUVs and airplanes could fly with less fuel making up for the difficulty of getting a bunch of lardly butts into the skies. Farmers could stop growing so many sugar beets which we bad fat people have been demanding and start growing lots of vegetables which fat people never, ever eat, of course. Because clothing manufacturers wouldn’t have to cover such a wide range of body sizes, they could – and of course would! – concentrate on covering a much wider range of body types. Yes, it is because I need a size larger than the average store carries on a regular basis that some deserving thin person is unable to find pants that fit both her hips and her waist properly. I stand utterly chagrined in the face of such logic.

Really, if we would all just stop being fat, everyone would ride unicorns and find true love, tra la.
The thing that worries me most, however, is not the way the math doesn’t add up, but the fact that our very individual human lives, whether fat or thin, are treated as a matter of pure economics. Our value as people does not diminish because we need health care or transportation or food. Our value depends so much more on what we bring to the people around us. So what have some fat people in history brought to our world that’s worth having? What could a fat person possible have accomplished? Well, here are a couple examples I think are worth considering.

(more…)

Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness: The Result

Oh how I love playing this game. Last week I hit you guys with this image:

Giant Helmet and you responded with more than a bakers’ dozen great captions. In the end, though, there can only be one winner, and this time it’s littlem for the one that nearly cost me a new iMac what with the coffee and the spit take and the…well, it wasn’t pretty and my cat has yet to forgive me entirely. Still. Here’s the winning caption:

“Muahahaha!! Well, the planet WOULD bow before me … if I didn’t have this modified garbage can on my head …”

Congratulations, littlem! And thanks to everyone who played.

(oh, and Jenna? I’m now floating in a most peculiar way. Hee!)

Yummy Pajamas

One of the trials of being a Big Girl is in the search for nightgowns, pajamas, and robes.

You want a Size 24 ball gown? Check. Size 32 flounce skirt? Check. Size 56F bra? Check.

You want Size 5x pajamas? Um, not so much.

But here! PajamaGram has an extensive line of yummy, comfy pajamas and robes, up to size 3x!

Thank you to internet friend Ripley for telling us about this site! Francesca likes!

Sleep tight . . . .

xoxo

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