But bras are my thing, and everyone knows that, at this point, and we were already topless, and I figure once you’re at that point, you can make bra comments. Particularly since I couched it sort of as “I just think you’ll be hotter and more comfortable” not as “you look droopy and bad.”

But I would never say it to people I didn’t know. Or didn’t know really well.

More personal comments are very delicate, and like most people here, I tend to limit them to extravagantly complimenting the things someone does right. I did recently, and with great trepidation, perform a hair intervention for a very dear friend who will be getting married soon. It wasn’t pleasant to tell her that her style was outdated and unflattering, but she took it as well as could be expected. She did change her style after giving it some consideration, and she had an “ohhhhhhhhh” moment of realization after being flooded with compliments on her new look. She’s forgiven me now!

As for things like bras, perfume, make up and hair… That is what college is for. Girls do a lot of communal “What should I wear on my date?” stuff and change in front of each other which is the perfect time to say “Wow that bra is really tight! Can you breathe?” or have a Make-over Day where you all play with hair and make-up and teach techniques to each other. Generally there’s two girls that have an idea of what they are doing for each one that doesn’t. And “Have you tried this Jasmine/Neroli stuff?”

Ugh, that reminds me. There’s this girl in one of my classes that’s on the bigger side that has a habit of dressing like she’s a size 2. No joke. Yesterday, it was especially bad. She was wearing khaki short shorts that were too small, one of those slim fit happy bunny t shirts that looked like a medium when she should be in an XXL, and these sandals that laced up all the way to her knees that made her look like she was about to scream “THIS IS SPARTAAA!”. It was bad. She sat down in her seat and said to the girl next to her, “Do you think this outfit is cute?”. The girl said “Eh… well, it’s ok… kind of…” and she flipped out on her. She started screaming about how cute it was and how it was better than anything anyone else was wearing and… yeah, it was scary. o_o

*dies laughing*

Part of me wishes that a friend or family member had taken her aside and said, “You might want to dress up a bit more, seeing as this IS for a job interview.” But another part of me thinks, well…it was probably better for us to be aware early on of her lack of judgement. (And no, her clothes weren’t the only reason she didn’t get the job — she was also an hour late for the interview, and chewed GUM during it!)

Getting back to the clothing thing, though, my husband will gently point out if something I’m wearing isn’t the most flattering on me. He won’t do it while we’re out, thank goodness, but if I’m getting dressed, he’s occasionally said something. He’s good about it, though — all the blame goes on the item of clothing, for having a “funny cut”, or “a weird colour” or whatever. So it never makes me feel bad.

Which is another point - timing is important. If you’re in a place where the person can make another choice, say shopping or BEFORE going out, then I think you can certainly give feedback. But if you’re already out, it’s too late.