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Dear Zaftique, What Hath You Wrought This Time? | Manolo for the Big Girl

Dear Zaftique, What Hath You Wrought This Time?

For the most part, I’m pretty live and let live about fashion statements. I firmly believe that there is a body out there that is flattered by nearly every possible cut and definitely every single color, even if there are things I know darn well not to try on myself. Pink? Not for me. It makes me look jaundiced. On many others, however, it’s superfantastic. Empire waists? Not for everybody, but one that is cut just right makes me look like my poor little A+ cups are actually holding something up. I am one of the few women I’ve ever met who looks really good in lime green. I know that just because something doesn’t work on me doesn’t mean it won’t work on anybody at all.

Every once in a while, though, I run across something so heinous that my mind boggles and even I run out of words to describe the horror. This morning, before I’d even finished caffeinating myself into full consciousness, I found such an item.

Zaftique Pollock Nightmare Oh, Zaftique. Why? What possessed you? How quickly can we cast it out?

Which imp of perversity caused someone to design this fabric? I know splashy patterns are all the rage, but there are splashy patterns and splashy patterns, and this one nearly caused a splash right here at my computer desk. It does not help one iota to realize that this nightmare of a pattern graces 100% polyester…except in that I know no natural fibers were harmed in the making of this monstrosity.

But then not only did someone choose to actually manufacture this fabric in these lurid colors, someone chose to make it into a top whose cut is based quite clearly on a potato sack. There is no grace to this cut, no elegance, no particular thought that I can see.

But it gets worse. If this cost ten dollars, I might see a reason for it to exist. After all, there’s no point in wearing something too superfantastic to do the heavy housecleaning in. But no. This is $49.00…$54.00 if you wear Zaftique’s 4z – 6z.

Dear Zaftique. I know you are capable of making some very pretty clothes. You’ve made pieces I’ve lusted after in my heart. And then you do this. Why, oh why?

Look, you made this pretty wrap top, too:

Zaftique Purple Wrap Top You even made it in lots of pretty, versatile colors to suit a wide variety of skin tones and tastes. It even costs less than the potato sack demon smock and includes some cotton for breathability. You can do good things. I have faith in your ability to pull yourselves together and not make me break out in brainhives again.

Please try harder.

Thanks.

13 Responses to “Dear Zaftique, What Hath You Wrought This Time?”

  1. AmazonPrincess June 15, 2008 at 12:30 pm #

    Is it just me or do the splashes of blue look like a fish?

  2. Dent June 15, 2008 at 2:29 pm #

    the “potato sack” top/dress style is nothing new to me. I agree with you, Twistie. That top is hideous. But I’ve seen quite a few lookalikes in JCPenny’s and Macy’s galore. What happened to structure and form and silhouette?

  3. Patia June 15, 2008 at 3:55 pm #

    Gack.

    I don’t mind the cut; but the print is atrocious.

  4. fatgirlonadate June 15, 2008 at 4:38 pm #

    Doesn’t really seem worse than most plus-size clothes from mainstream retailers. But I’d expect more from Zaftique!

  5. GradualDazzle June 15, 2008 at 8:40 pm #

    Maybe I’m betraying bad taste, but I like it. Then again, I’m a wacky high school art teacher, so people expect me to wear really loud and colorful stuff. I’m usually partially covered-up by a smock/apron thingy, though, so only the sleeves would show on me.

    I’m not fond of the polyester thing.

    I’ll bow out of the realm of Superfantastic Ones now if necessary…

  6. Jennie June 15, 2008 at 9:14 pm #

    Holy F***balls! You’re right! The print is a bass in flames or carp in poinsettas. I think the entire top is a mess. It’s the unfortunate combination of the print and the cut.

  7. Becky June 16, 2008 at 12:43 pm #

    I actually kind of love it. Not for myself, but I bet there’s someone out there who could pull it off and look fantastic. I have weird taste though.

  8. Sarah June 16, 2008 at 1:00 pm #

    The print is a little too “my two dads” for me, but the cut isn’t terrible. If it were a solid color, I might wear it around the house when on the weekends. No way I’d pay $50 for it though. Ugh.

  9. AmyK June 16, 2008 at 2:38 pm #

    I swear that pattern changed while I was looking at it. I am NOT kidding!

    Eek!

  10. dorktopia June 19, 2008 at 1:13 pm #

    Ack!
    I know this comment is a bit late, but I just wanted to add that “brainhives” is my new favorite word!

  11. Zaf Gal August 15, 2008 at 5:11 pm #

    I can explain…It was designed by the owner’s wife who BTW is a size 2 and lives in Hong Kong. Anything hideous you can be assured was designed by her…she has no clue. Neither does the owner…he fired the one designer who got it.

  12. raygac August 17, 2008 at 12:13 am #

    ourrznocoahptdhaugrhkiytaljleg

  13. Jennie August 17, 2008 at 5:18 pm #

    I completely give up @raygac…. What???