I don’t want to worry anyone, but there are Crocs outside my front door.

They’ve been there for two days and I think they were juuuust a little bit closer today than they were yesterday. Am I being stalked by plastic clogs? Did they not take kindly to my little April Fool’s ruse? ARE THEY CALLING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE?!

I suspect they belong to my new neighbors who have views about decorating that involve some sort of Toltec owl ashtry, a Feng Shui mirror, a “howdy y’all” door plaque with I-swear-to-God little carved wooden cowboy boots dangling from it and a plastic lawn chair, all of this in front of a small door.

Why couldn’t they leave these outside my door? Now THESE are a fitting “tribute” indeed.  On Sunday the fashion world lost one of the last of the old guard, Yves Saint Laurent.  Before founding his own house, he was the boy genius designer for Dior and if you wear trapeze dresses or pants for social occasions, you have Mr. Saint Laurent to thank.

I have been mightily impressed with all the creative little drops of vitriol that have been trickling in since I asked the Big Question last week. Now it’s only fair that I share my absolute favorite with you. This came to me courtesy of my friend Craig, who has been on the receiving end of many of my curses. Six years ago he left me in an otherwise empty field somewhere outside of Dallas talking to a man in a giant carrot costume who was almost certainly high on ecstasy. A week has not gone by when I haven’t reminded him of this.

Craig, taking his son to the park one day, witnessed a scuffle between two under-sevens who were talking the sort of kinder-smack that kiddos love to do. I believe the fight was over the rubber swing, its rights and maintenance in good weather and bad. The big kid got the swing but the little one got the best line. Responding to an undocumented insult hurled by the victor, our vanquished friend shouted out

“Oh yeah? Well you’re everything bad!”

Summer Berry Dress from Lane Bryant, $29.99

Surplice Sundress from Lane Bryant, $29.99

Cotton-blend sundress, available in limited Women sizes/colors at HSN for $54.90.

Happy shopping!

xoxo.

You all know how this works: I post a picture, you reply with your best captions, and next saturday I declare a winner. So take a look at this and hit me with your best shot:

Ready…set…snark!