Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

July 23, 2008

The Big Question: My Dog Ate My Homework Edition

Filed under: Cheap Thrills,The Big Question — Miss Plumcake @ 2:13 pm

So I’m getting ready to batten down my hatches in preparation for Hurricane Dolly, so this week’s Big Question is going to be short and sweet. Since I was running late today (Just in case you were wondering “I’m sorry I’m late, the firemen were washing their truck” does NOT count as an excused tardy) today I want to know:

What is your best/most original/absolute worst excuse for being late?

Extra super bonus points if it’s actually true!


  1. “I’m sorry I’m late, the firemen were washing their truck” does NOT count as an excused tardy

    Were I an employer, I’d accept that as a tardy, but only if the employee in question invited me along to watch.

    Not often am I late, but at least, living in the country, I have at my disposal the wonderful excuse of having been stuck behind a tractor on the way to work.

    Comment by La Petite Acadienne — July 23, 2008 @ 2:53 pm

  2. In Washington, DC, “there was a motorcade” is always acceptable.

    My personal best – I got hit by a car (true – but I was only bruised; life as a hood ornament has lost its appeal, though).

    Comment by Toddson — July 23, 2008 @ 2:56 pm

  3. My favorite call to work was, “I’ll be in when I find the snake.” Spent hours searching for my friend’s snake (small, non-poisonous) which had escaped its tank overnight… never did find it.

    Comment by Rach — July 23, 2008 @ 5:53 pm

  4. I used to commute to Boston, and “there was an accident in the tunnel” was always accepted without question. However, I live in Maine, and have actually used the excuse “I hit a moose.” And it was true. (Do not do this. It is not nice to your car and you can die.)

    Comment by Jane — July 23, 2008 @ 6:39 pm

  5. From someone at work “My garage door is frozen shut!”. Ah, the joys of midwest winters.

    Comment by g-dog — July 23, 2008 @ 7:10 pm

  6. I live in Houston, so all I have to do is roll the eyes and say, “Traffic.” The conversation always–ALWAYS–stops right there.

    Comment by Despina — July 23, 2008 @ 7:37 pm

  7. From when I lived in Massachusetts:

    “Hi Peter, I was just calling to let you that all of my clothes are in the laundry, and my laundry has frozen. So I’ll be in when I have something thawed out enough that I can wear it to work. I’m not quite sure when that will be. See you soon. Maybe.”

    Comment by Mango — July 23, 2008 @ 10:35 pm

  8. I slept in once and got into work/grad school lab slave time about 2 hours late. I told them I had a chimney sweep come and clean our chimney because there was weird smell coming out of it.

    They totally bought it.

    I also called in sick once (blamed on bad chinese take out) so I could stay home and have HOT INTIMATE RELATIONS with my new (at the time) bf (now hubby). Come to think of it, that’s probably why I was late in my first example…

    Comment by EvilScienceChik — July 23, 2008 @ 10:46 pm

  9. I once called to cancel my yoga class because I had given birth.

    Comment by Janey — July 23, 2008 @ 11:54 pm

  10. Not related to this blog post, but the Weight Watchers ad at the top of the page is REALLY not what I want to see when I log onto a website dedicated to “fashion, lifestyle and humor for the plus-size woman.”

    Comment by Virago — July 23, 2008 @ 11:56 pm

  11. I was on my elevator in my apartment building and a three year old ( and Mom)was riding down with me and he looked at his Mom, said “I do not feel good”, and threw up on me.

    I changed, called my office said I was running late and told them why- My boss said I couldn’t make that story up and let it go.

    Plumcake- I once showed up for an interview on time, but smelling of smoke, because about two hours before I was to leave for the interview the apartment across the hall from mine caught on fire and they evacuted my building. I was in my bath robe, so I threw on the first thing I could- a button up shirt, a pair of jeans and what my husband calls my “Barbie Heels” and stood out in the parking lot with my hair in rollers. We were able to get back into the building, but my apartment had been smoked out. I explained this to my interviewer as a way to appologize for the smoke smell and she just looked at me and said “Fires equal fire fighters” and smiled slyly.

    I did not get that job, but was referred by her to another firm that did hire me.

    Comment by Kimiks — July 24, 2008 @ 6:54 am

  12. Many long years ago when I was a college freshman and commuted to school, I was delayed in returning home due to a party that spontaneously flared up. I got in at around 3 AM and proceeded to tell my parents that I fell asleep in the library stacks while studying for an exam and got locked in. Strangely enough, they didn’t buy it, go figure. When they turned up the verbal heat, I passed out in a dead faint. This effectively curtailed the unpleasantness (I’m sure they thought I either was with child or on drugs) and I became famous within my family for fainting when the going got rough. Don’t knock it, it works like a charm if you don’t mind smacking your head on the floor every once in a while.

    Comment by gemdiva — July 24, 2008 @ 8:20 am

  13. @Virago, due to Firefox + Adblock, I had no idea what you were talking about. Until I remembered that I Adblock installed.

    Comment by JRho — July 24, 2008 @ 9:36 am

  14. This actually happened to me back in April: I got home after work one evening and went to take my contacts out. The right one was stuck to my eyeball. STUCK to my eyeball. Like someone had superglued it there. I tried repeatedly to remove it, to no avail, and my eye became red, swollen, and sore in the process. The damn thing would not budge. I gave up and went to bed with an ice pack on my swollen eye, and in the morning called my eye doctor, who told me to come in so that he could remove the contact for me. When I called my boss and told her I’d be late because I had a contact lens stuck to my eyeball and needed to see my eye doctor, she thought it was hilarious. My eye doctor made me feel a bit better, though — he said it happens more often than you’d think.

    Comment by Cat — July 24, 2008 @ 10:12 am

  15. I was late for work because I was hit by a car as a PEDESTRIAN. It was early in the morning and still dark, and as I stepped onto the crosswalk a minivan came barreling through turning right on a red. I was thrown about ten feet, my clothes torn and possessions strewn over the street. I went to the hospital because my abdomen hurt. Turns out it was because I flexed the muscle so hard to absorb the impact…. quote from the doctor, “Most people would try to dodge, but apparently braced yourself…”

    Between the torn clothes and the scrapes on my knee and shoulder, no one questioned it.

    It unfortunately did further my superhero complex, though…

    Comment by Loey — July 24, 2008 @ 12:01 pm

  16. I drive an old Toyota with squirrely locks. During a cold snap two years ago, one rear door froze open. The lock mechanism froze in the lock position and the door would not close. To get my kids to school and me to work, I had to bungee cord the door closed – running the bungee through the open window to the front passenger seat head rest. Since I’m the boss, I didn’t have to explain why I was late but I did have a good story to tell when I made it in. I now routinely keep bungee cords at the ready in winter.

    Nothing to do with being late, but my favorite opening line of a recent real-life-happened-to-us story goes, “The first day of our vacation, my husband’s ex-wife’s dog bit him….”

    Comment by Elaine — July 24, 2008 @ 1:21 pm

  17. “I’m sorry, but I’ll be late because I have to take my cat to the vet. I think she broke her tail.”

    This was me and it’s true. My boss, when she finally stopped laughing, told me that this was probably the craziest excuse she’d heard, but she figured it was so out there that it had to be true.

    Fortunately, the tail was only dislocated and after a few weeks of sitting down very gingerly, the cat was fine.

    Comment by anne — July 24, 2008 @ 1:36 pm

  18. Once in 6th grade I had a genuine pet vs. homework incident (the pet won) and I knew that excuse would never fly, so I told my teacher I just hadn’t done the assignment. I figured I was going to get an F either way, better not to have a fruitless and credibility-killing argument as well.

    Comment by Friv — July 24, 2008 @ 1:39 pm

  19. One morning I woke up feeling like God had taken a crap on my brain, but I still went about getting ready for work… until I had to barf in the kitchen sink (which was full of dirty dishes) because I knew I wouldn’t make it to the bathroom in time. After that, I think I barfed like 10 times in 15 minutes.

    Sometime during all this, my boyfriend picked up the phone and called work for me. He said, “Hey, Sharn’s boss, it’s Sharn’s Boyfriend. Sharn’s not going to be at work today. I’m only calling because she can’t stop throwing up long enough to tell you herself.”

    Later that day, I thought I was feeling better, so the Boyfriend took me to the store for some delicious, restoring Gatorade. I felt fine on the way to the store, fine at the store, then on the drive home…. I had to barf out of his car window. While it was moving. While we were driving through a neighborhood full of pedestrians. And I hadn’t had anything to eat all day, so the only thing in my stomach was Gatorade, which meant I puked up about a quart of bright red transparent liquid. Yum.

    Comment by Sharn — July 24, 2008 @ 3:27 pm

  20. Having a father who is a firefighter, the whole men-in-uniform thing is decidedly unsexy to me. Decidedly. As a result, I had to give some thought to Plumcake and Kimiks’ postings before I understood. Some women are into my father. Ew.

    Comment by Nemtynakht — July 25, 2008 @ 1:00 am

  21. My best, this year anyway, has been, “I can’t come into work because there’s a truck in the driveway.” I live in an apartment on top of a house, and the one-lane driveway is shared with the house next door (where my landlords live).

    I got up one morning in May, got ready for work, and came out to find a truck parked in the drive that was not any one of the three vehicles my landlords and their family own. Knocked on all the doors of their house — no answer. Knocked on the door of the downstairs apartment (their son lives there) — no answer. Walked down to the Tim Hortons at the corner, where Landlords & Fam spend a lot of their time — no luck.

    It takes an hour and a half to get to work by bus (IF I don’t miss any of the three connections), while it’s only a 20-minute drive — don’t ask — so I called to let them know, and waited. An hour later, at eleven or so, the paterfamilias of Landlord & Fam finally showed up, with his truck, a trailer full of lumber, and a buddy — the owner of the truck in the driveway.

    He was very apologetic. They’d gone to Home Depot to pick up lumber, right at 7a when they open, taking his truck because it had a trailer — they’d never imagined it would take that long. Yeah, they bought it at work — too weird, and yet mundane — to make up.

    Comment by Katharine — July 25, 2008 @ 12:18 pm

  22. “Im so sorry Im late.” Its enough.

    Comment by Peaches — July 26, 2008 @ 6:10 am

  23. I once told my boss that I had to stop halfway to work and turn around to go home to change my shoes because I realised I was still wearing slippers.

    It was true too. Good thing I was in my own car and not public transport.

    Comment by Margaret — July 28, 2008 @ 4:41 am

  24. i live in NYC where subway delays are so common, they’re no longer accepted as an excuse for lateness… we’re just told to “leave home earlier.” but the one excuse no one ever expects is the truth. a few years ago, i was reading a really excellent book and i had only 25 or 30 pages to go… i was so caught up in the book, i missed my subway stop, and got off at the next one. i figured i was already late, so may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, and sat down on a bench and finished the book. when i got into the office, one of my employers asked where i had been and i told him: “I was on the platform at 42nd street, finishing this book!” he was stunned… but i don’t know whether he was stunned because of my outright honesty, or that someone was that involved in a book!

    Comment by bonnie-ann black — July 29, 2008 @ 3:02 pm

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