Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

July 30, 2008

The Big Question: “Do You Feel A Breeze?” Edition

Filed under: The Big Question — Miss Plumcake @ 3:09 pm

Sweet smoky Santa, yesterday’s pantless wonder is still haunting me in my sleep! Last night while I was in the arms of Hypnos I relived the horror of Fourth Grade Field Day where, during an ill-advised death march softball game my white shorts sppppppppplit up the middle in front of God, the gym coach and everyone. Twenty years later it STILL traumatizes me, taking up valuable dream time that could be spent in other, more enjoyable endeavors. I mean the Archbishops of York and Canterbury aren’t going to get into a slapping fight over me by themselves you know!

Today Plumcake wants to know: What has been your most embarrassing “wardrobe malfunction?”


  1. I’m ashamed to admit this….I was one of the unobservant ladies who has mistakenly tucked the hem of a very light weight and full skirt into my pantyhose after using the facilities in public. I wasn’t aware of the malfunction until I had fully exited the restroom when the briskness of the air caught me off guard. ::shudders in horror at the memory:: Now, I always.check.twice. before leaving the restroom.

    Comment by ooglie26 — July 30, 2008 @ 3:32 pm

  2. In the late 80s, I was taking a year off between high school and college, and would often take the bus downtown to meet my mother for lunch. On one such bright, summer day, I was wearing a denim mini skirt that had a zipper going all the way up the front, from top to bottom, such that when the skirt was unzipped, it was just a long strip of denim.

    After lunch, as I was stepping up into the bus (they really make those steps too tall for we short people), the zipper broke and the skirt fell right off and landed at my feet. The guy behind me picked it up and said, “I think you dropped this.”

    At least I was wearing underwear!

    Comment by Cat — July 30, 2008 @ 4:24 pm

  3. My senior year of high school (2000), we were doing this Valentine’s Day murder mystery thing for which I was a) the pianist and b) singing a duet. One of these required a big blue ballgown, one required a slinky black dress, with a rather quick change between the two.

    In addition to the students in the cast, teachers had been recruited to read passages from trashy romance novels (the setting: a trashy romance novel convention). Improbable teachers had been chosen for comic effect. This included Mr. A, who was rumored to have fought in the Spanish-American War.

    The blue ballgown had a low back, so my only bra option was one of those backless/strapless only-barely-works-with-boobs-this-big numbers. Unfortunately, one of the underwires had disappeared (how? capricious fairies, perhaps) rendering the garment almost useless.

    Being a can-do theatre-style person, I promptly requisitioned some black gaff tape, taped the cups to my breasts, and I was back in business. Until the quick change….

    I rushed off stage, dropped the ballgown, and reached for the black dress, at which point two things happened at once. One, the gaff tape gave way, causing the cups to flip down and my breasts to fall out, and two, I noticed the aforementioned Mr. A watching these proceedings with great interest. Somehow, I got the cups righted, the tape restuck, and the dress on, but I never was able to look him in the eye again.

    Comment by Mango — July 30, 2008 @ 4:46 pm

  4. In Grade 6, I was playing on the swings with my step-family, waiting for the school bus. It pulled up and everyone went running to climb aboard. I moved to slide off the platform beside the swings, and somehow, my pants got caught on the large, flat head of a nail. It bit through the bottom of my pocket and ripped my pants from the bottom of my rear end, right up to my waistband, including my underpants.

    The waistband of my jeans stopped the rip, but unfortunately, because the platform was pretty high off the ground, I ended up with my feet dangling about two feet in the air, with the world’s largest girl-wedgie.

    I hung out for awhile (har har), and finally managed to free myself by unsnapping my pants (a feat in and of itself, when your entire body weight is resting on your waistband, then leaning forward and effectively falling out of my pants and panties, onto my face on the gravel under the swingset.

    In the end, my step-mom made me go to school in my stretched out underwear and assless pants, probably to teach me a lesson. Since I went to work this morning in socks with sandals, if the lesson she was trying to teach me was fashion-related, she failed miserably.

    Comment by Rachelle — July 30, 2008 @ 6:42 pm

  5. Eighth grade, and our entire class was at the local swimming pool. I had not really accepted the fact that I was a D-cup and was wearing one of those cheapie bathing suits with a low u-back and no support. The guys were horsing around by swimming up behind the girls, and quickly hoisting them onto their shoulders and up out of the water. Lo and behold, one of them swims up behind me, hoists me out of the water, resulting in my bathing suit straps falling down, followed rapidly by the rest of the upper portion of my bathing suit.

    So, there I was, up on this guy’s shoulders, fully out of the pool, in front of the rest of the class (teacher included), with the girls on glorious display.

    Comment by La Petite Acadienne — July 30, 2008 @ 7:21 pm

  6. In my senior year of college I was experimenting outside my fashion comfort zone by wearing a long, tight skirt (which really was quite fetching) with vaguely Asian-style embroidery on it, and two and a half inch heels. Unfortunately, in addition to being higher than my usual, the shoes were also a trifle tight. Okay, a lot tight. But they were so cute!

    So, I’m mincing my way off to class and made it just far enough from my residence hall to be where loads of other people were walking to class when I fell completely over onto the sloping concrete sidewalk. I managed to fall sideways so the only injuries were a scraped palm and mildly wrenched ankle. My skirt emerged miraculously unscathed. My pride…well, I only barely fought the urge to sidle behind the bushes and hide from the smirking passersby.

    I took the shoes off and walked barefoot for the rest of the day! It was surprisingly refreshing going to class barefoot, so I did it again a lot thereafter. At least some good came from that mortification!

    Comment by Karen — July 30, 2008 @ 7:41 pm

  7. Freshman year of high school.

    White skirt.

    Unexpected visit from the monthly hormone gods.

    ‘Nuff said.

    Comment by Whitney — July 30, 2008 @ 7:50 pm

  8. I had the same horror as ooglie26 with tucking the hem of my skirt into the pantyhose. It gets worse…I was on my dream job interview and had a huge run down the back of my hose. I haven’t worn hose since. Didn’t get the job and thankfully didn’t know of this flashing my ass horror until I was back at the car. The interview was nerve racking enough. The naked terror would have sent me into a public meltdown instead of simply a walking joke.

    The company went bankrupt and the guy who interviewed me went to jail for embezzling. Karma.

    Comment by Peaches — July 30, 2008 @ 11:10 pm

  9. I’ve experienced a similiar fate as Karen. I’ve learned my lesson well and don’t wear tight skirts and platforms any longer. At the same time. I was walking down the street in a fabulous long, tight skirt with fabulous high platforms. Which were best for just standing or better, sitting somewhere looking decorative. So I tried to hobble a little faster, smashedd full down, strangely enough didn’t tear the skirt but ripped both knees open and bled quite a bit.
    Lucky enough, a nanny helped me up and plastered my knees with band-aids while scolding me like a five year old.
    I was so ashamed, yet thankful at the same time, which kind of sums up a lot of my childhood.

    Comment by Anastasia — July 31, 2008 @ 6:28 am

  10. I beg to differ about the Archbishops of Canterbury and York.

    Comment by Veronica — July 31, 2008 @ 8:47 am

  11. Everyone has gotten her period while wearing white pants, so I’ll skip that nightmare.

    In 7th grade, I was wearing my orange double-knit polyester pants with the elastic waist (that my mother had made for me, one of about a dozen pair of various colors). I was at the board working a math problem when the back seam split. I don’t remember how.

    I would like to say that that was when everyone became aware that I was wearing waist-high undies with little flowers on them (not the cool silky bikinis that Elaine Whatshername always wore, along with her push-up bra — what was her mother thinking?) but that would be wrong, because you could see through the pants and the pattern on my panties was perfectly visible even when the the pants were intact.

    I had to go to the office, call my mother and wait for her to bring me another pair of pants. Fotunately, all my pants went with my t-shirt with the black and white trains on it. Even more fortunately, my reputation as the nerd with the glasses who played the violin and rode her bike to school was in no way damaged by this incident.

    Comment by class-factotum — July 31, 2008 @ 9:05 am

  12. I was having dinner in a fairly nice restaurant with Mr. Twistie and another couple when I needed to go inspect the facilities. On coming out, I was walking back to my table with a broad smile on my face. Many diners seemed to notice me, so I shared my good mood by smiling and nodding at quite a few of them. Of course it was when I got back to my own table that I recognized the fact that my dinner companions had matching horrified expressions on their faces.

    It seems the zipper on my trousers had chosen that moment in the restroom to give up the ghost and everyone was getting a view not only of my shirttails, but also of the embarrassing granny panties I’d been forced to wear that night due to a hectic week in which I had failed to wash enough delicates to avoid wearing them.

    The embarrassment would have been a great deal less had I at least been wearing nice undies. Oh, and exiting the restaurant required careful placement of my purse and jacket.

    Zippers hate me.

    Comment by Twistie — July 31, 2008 @ 10:59 am

  13. In sixth grade our Catholic grade school choir was invited to sing at a local Lion’s Club meeting. It was Christmastime and we were there to impart some holiday cheer. Our little group was instructed to stand up nice and straight with our hands behind our backs, in good Catholic school style. There I was in the front row wearing a knit pullover dress with a henley style neckline, singing my little heart out. My chest puffed out proudly as far as it would go (not far at the time, and more unfortunately for me not much farther now), after all this was the big time, the Lion’s Club, not just Sunday Mass. Unbeknownst to me every button on the front of my dress had come undone, and I didn’t realize until we were finished singing that I had been showing off my training bra & budding breasts to all the 40 & 50 year old guys in the audience.

    Comment by Danna — July 31, 2008 @ 12:35 pm

  14. I too have had the “surprise visitor” and yep, the classic tucked-in-skir (luckily only the office cleaning people were around when that happened, not the full office.

    Just the other day I walked around all day feeling fine in my dress and cropped cardigan just to realize that I had the stupid giant size sticker still on the sweater. Why doesn’t anyone tell you these things?!?

    My story is from about 10 years ago. I was going to a new client presentation meeting and was wearing a lovely shift dress and heels. I had my arms full of all of the presentation materials for the meeting and was rushing to the cruise line port terminal where we were meeting for the pitch. It was a Saturday so all of the passengers were embarking and disembarking as well as tons of taxis lined up to handle them.

    As I step off the curb to cross the street I land funny and my ankle totally gives out. Being the responsible type I don’t drop all of my work materials to land on my hands. No, I instinctively land with my knees braced out. Not only do I shred my hose (and my knees!) but I rip my dress up to the middle of my back. Yes, thank god the panties had good coverage. And, no, not one person crossed the damn street to help me.

    So I stumble up, continue to walk across the street and into the terminal (with several folks point out that my entire a** is exposed – like I don’t know, right?). I hand my armload of materials to my boss, go to the little gift shop and buy a sewing kit and head for the restroom. I quickly sew up the back of my dress, walk back out to my boss and say “See you Monday. I’m done for the day.” and go get back in to my car.

    I think I was justified in calling it quits at that point.


    P.S. Rachelle your step-mom sound mean!

    Comment by Poochie — July 31, 2008 @ 1:25 pm

  15. My favorite dress in 8th grade was white with black polka dots. It had snaps up the front from collar to hem. While running through the yard at synagogue (!) chasing a friend, the sleeve cuff got stuck on the end of a stair rail. In the blink of an eye, I had literally run myself right out of the dress, which popped entirely open before I even knew what hit me.

    Comment by tova — July 31, 2008 @ 2:29 pm

  16. I was happily wearing a new blazer and sat down next to my boss (a woman with quite the wardrobe of power suits) in a meeting first thing in the morning … where she pointed out that I still had the price tag dangling from my wrist.

    Comment by Leslie — July 31, 2008 @ 5:23 pm

  17. About 20 years ago, I was in downtown DC for a job interview as an (entry level) lab technician. I had an hour to kill so I decided to walk around the area. As I was crossing the street (WALK sign still lit), a huge truck comes right at me! I jump to the curb–and fall flat on my butt. The black wool knee-length skirt was fine but my nylons were shot and I had scrapes along my thigh. No drug store near by. I go into a Victoria’s Secret, hoping for relief. The salesladies felt sorry for me and found me some replacement nylons (didn’t cost me too much) and let me use the changing area. I got to the interview and thought I was doomed–I was wearing a bright yellow sweater and skirt (hey, it WAS the late 1980s) and all the other interviewees were in suits. All that and a group interview-ack!

    Substance prevailed over style that day. I had experience as a lab assistant and the others were about to graduate from college. I got the job.

    Comment by dcsurfergirl — July 31, 2008 @ 6:10 pm

  18. I have experienced three of the malfunctions mentioned in this thread. Perhaps I should avoid leaving the house.

    Comment by Sniper — July 31, 2008 @ 9:53 pm

  19. My favorite story (probably because it didn’t happen to me) happened while I was teaching in Ireland. A colleague of mine stepped into her first class of the morning and asked her students to hand in their homework. Only two students had completed it. She wound up to give the class a big talking-to when Mr. Class Clown raises his hand. “Not now, Jimmy.” She brushed him off and launched into a speech about responsibility (“Not now, Jimmy,”) and planning ahead (“Not now, Jimmy!”) and most of all, PAYING ATTENTION to what you’re doing.

    “Yes, Jimmy? I hope you were PAYING ATTENTION!”

    “Excuse me, miss,” said Jimmy, “but I believe you have your dress on back to front.”

    Comment by Cathy — July 31, 2008 @ 11:15 pm

  20. Walking out of the ladies’ with long broomstick skirt stuck in panties’ waistband? Check.

    Walking round the office with shirt buttons undone? Check.

    Low decolleté top being pushed down by heavy handbag strap, exposing bra? Check.

    Wrap dress gaping, exposing legs and panties for anyone who cared to look, near the main street of my town? Check – as a matter of fact I’d safety pinned the thing to keep that from happening, but obviously not near enough! Now I safety pin the h*** out of the silly dress, or wear a slip under it.

    Shirt/dress on inside out? Check – fortunately that’s only happened in my house so far.

    Judo gi trousers becoming untied and loose? Check – in a class full of guys, aargh.

    Walking around with zipper down? Check check check. That’s a recurring one. Perhaps I have a deep unacknowledge desired to become a nudist, and I subconsciously sabotage myself thus – that would explain the embarrasing frequency and variety of wardrobe malfunctions.

    Comment by Maggiethecat — August 1, 2008 @ 8:24 am

  21. As a busty gal with a nipped in waist, I’ve had buttons come undone more times than I care to remember. I wear a lot of knit tops for a reason.

    I also have had problems with wrap dresses. I remember one in I had in college that looked perfect as long as I was standing up, but would fall completely open every time I sat down unless I kept my knees locked together–and heaven forbid I cross my legs. Aiee.

    More recently, I bought a pair of Doc Martens I found at a thrift store. What I didn’t know was that the price was written on the bottom in grease pencil–not just on the one sole (which I washed off) but BOTH of them. Since I also have a tendency to sit in the rather unladylike ankle-on-knee position, it wasn’t long before one of my friends pointedly asked, “So, how much DID you pay for those shoes?”

    “Why, I–” *looks at bottom of shoe* “Oh, $%*&!”

    Comment by maatnofret — August 1, 2008 @ 1:40 pm

  22. When I was at a teaching university in the south, where the senior faculty were all male, I had three of these aforementioned senior grumpies watching me conduct class on day. I am a well-endowned woman, and in the middle of one of my animated responses to the students, my front-hook bra came entirely undone. I hid behind the podium. I’m not sure if they noticed–all well-mannered Virginians they were–but I sure noticed.

    Comment by Chaser — August 1, 2008 @ 2:18 pm

  23. Hands-down, it was this pantyhose experience. I don’t know if I’ll ever live that one down.

    Comment by Omnibus Driver — August 1, 2008 @ 2:29 pm

  24. Just recently I had parked the car on my way in to the office. I step out and close the door and Wooosh! My skirt was pooled on the ground around my ankles. The elastic in the waistband had just given out. Fortunately, there wasn’t too much traffic passing by since this was a side street. A safety pin lent to me by one of my co-workers kept the skirt up for the rest of the day.

    Comment by B — August 1, 2008 @ 3:52 pm

  25. I had bought a jumper dress at Ross last summer. I tried it on, it fit, everything looked fine. When I wore it to work, it turned out that the dress was see-through and anyone and everyone could see my yellow underwear underneath! I couldn’t see how sheer it was in the dressing room. Luckily I had a shirt undeneath and just pulled that out. But on the way home to the bus station, the wind was so strong that the jumper kept doing the Marilyn Monroe. I never wore that thing again.

    Comment by Bree — August 3, 2008 @ 8:42 pm

  26. Has anyone seen any promo or group photos of these suspected cast members on Stargate Universe?

    Comment by Nawadumma — May 17, 2009 @ 7:38 am

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