So I’ve been debating all day whether I should share the 20% coupon code for The Perfumed Court, where I get all my niche and hard-to-find fragrances, or if I should protect the sanctity of my signature scents (say that five times fast) and keep mum. In my benevolence, I’ve decided to share with you the codes (TPCanniversary for 20% off on August 1st, TPConeyear for 10% off through August 11th) BUT with the caveat that if you live anywhere near where I live, work, know people, know people who know people, or maybe someday might want to visit because I saw that picture in that magazine about the thing once, that you’re not allowed to order the following perfumes.
The Top 5 Perfumes You Are Not Allowed to Order During the 20% Off Sale at The Perfumed Court:
1. Ormonde Woman by Ormonde Jayne. Out of all the perfumes you’re not allowed to buy, you’re not allowed to buy this one the most because it’s the hardest to find and the easiest to recognize. Composed by Linda Pilkington for Ormonde Jayne, the teensy tiny niche perfumerie in London, Ormonde Jayne Woman is my favorite year-round scent, a lush forest of black hemlock that’s almost hatefully beautiful. It’s the smell of snow and violets crushed under the runners of Catherine the Great’s sledge and I love it so.
2. L’Eau d’Hiver by Jean Claude Ellena for Frederic Malle Editions. This is only number two because you can actually buy it in the United States (exclusively at Barney’s I think) otherwise it would be number one with a bullet. This is, simply put a dizzyingly gorgeous, pristine winter scent and if you wear it around me so help me I will shiv you faster than you can say Guerlinade. Clean but not “clean smelling” It is melted snow, fern, bergamot and lovely, lovely hawthorn.
3. Angélique Encens by Creed. If you have ever been in an empty cathedral at three o’clock on Christmas morning with half a fortune cookie in one pocket, I don’t need to tell you what this smells like. Actually, if you’ve ever been in an empty cathedral at three o’clock on Christmas morning with half a fortune cookie in your pocket I want to be your friend and buy you beer.
4. Jasmin et Cigarette by Etat Libre d’Orange. I don’t smoke. I’ve never smoked. The closest thing I’ve ever come to smoking is swinging the censer at church, but I’m not even allowed to do that anymore since I’m a bit, um, overzealous, but seriously…that’s what insurance is for. There’s just something a little dirty and glam about this, the only ELO fragrance that doesn’t make want to murder myself (their Magnificent Secretions smells like violated corpse. Srsly.) it’s the morning after the night before in all its filthy glory.
5. Bigarade Concentrée by Jean Claude Ellena for Frederic Malle Editions. Bitter orange. So. Much. Bitter. Orange. It’s like a riddle. How much more bitter orange can it be? And the answer is none. None more bitter orange.