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Dear Nashville, Why You Gotta Be Like That? | Manolo for the Big Girl

Dear Nashville, Why You Gotta Be Like That?

Oh y’all. You don’t even KNOW. I’ve been living out of one (ONE) suitcase in a hotel in Nashville for the past…year? Decade? OK, technically only a week and a half but giminy crickets, I am fixin’ to go insane. And not cute, directional insane like Viktor and Rolf but actually purse-full-of-soup* insane, like Gareth Pugh.

If it weren’t bad enough living in a land where my food choices seem to be evenly split between piggly and wiggly I just discovered –the delicate of constitution might want to avert their eyes– there is NO NEIMAN MARCUS IN TENNESSEE. None, not even one.  Not only that, but there’s no Saks either. Sure there’s an Off 5th, but I have more shoes than they do. And I don’t just mean in my entire collection, I mean in my suitcase right now and none of this Bev Feldman nonsense either. I want some Loubies and I want them now.

SPEAKING of Loubies, want to hear something tragic? Okay. I’ve rented this hateful little PT Cruiser and it is, hands down, the most bizarre contraption I’ve ever had the misfortune of skippering. So I’m coming home from the hospice at 8:00 in the morning, I’m severely dehydrated, stupid from sleep dep and not at my sparkling best. All I wanted in the whole world was a Sonic Route 44 Diet Cherry Limeade with pineapple, easy ice.

I put the giant bucket o’ soda on the roof of the hateful cruiser so I could get out of the car …yeah, I think you see where this is going. I remove my person from the car and SPLOOSH down comes the entire 44 ounces of bright pink soft drink, WITH chunks of pineapple and lime wedges, all over my head, down my dress and into my pale straw-colored Louboutin flats!

In conclusion: I spent an hour trying to get pineapple out of my hair, I’m STILL thirsty and have possibly ruined a pair of $700 flats by dying them diluted maraschino pink, and frankly if I wanted pink Loubies, I would have bought these:Louboutin Chiffon Ballerinas

*I stole that purse of soup line from someone, so uh, thanks to whoever I’m plagiarizing!

18 Responses to “Dear Nashville, Why You Gotta Be Like That?”

  1. bluehammer October 13, 2008 at 12:39 pm #

    So sorry to hear you Nashville experience has been crappy. I sent you an email with my contact details in case you want to be cheered up.

    The lack of Saks and Neimans keeps me frustrated too. Apparently we are getting a Nordstrom but for now we have to keep waiting: Some shopping suggestions:

    On West End – Coco and Jamie – somewhat more conservative and usually pricy. Jamie has a more contemporary section at the back. Jamie has shoes but I don’t think Coco does. Not sure about the plus-size options

    Down Hillsborough Pike – the Hill Center has a boutique called H Audrey. No plus size options but they do have McQueen shoes.

    Also down Hillsborough Pike is the Green Hills Mall, where they do have a Stuart Weitzman, Burberry, Tiffany, Kate Spade,

    For food – well, macaroni and cheese is considered a vegetable in these parts. Some suggestions:

    Eastland Cafe: American contemporary – their green chili mac and cheese keeps me coming back, but the menu has many more refined options

    For sandwiches, bread and pastries: Provence on 21st Ave in Hillsboro Village or one of their other locations.

    For sushi/fusion: Virago on Division Street

    For complicated wonderful flavours: Zola on West End (pricy)

    More American contemporary: Sunset Grill just off 21st Ave in Hillsboro Village

    Chains, but reliable since you know what you will get: Maggiano’s (Italian), Flemings (steak), PFChang (Chinese), Ruth’s Chris (steak)

  2. Twistie October 13, 2008 at 12:42 pm #

    Oh, Plumcake! How horrible! No wonder you’re going purse full of soup crazy!

    (sends hugs, soothing thoughts, and a wide selection of gorgeous footwear to help you through the ordeal)

  3. heather October 13, 2008 at 1:11 pm #

    Boooo! That is such a terrible story! You poor thing! I know, Nashville is not a big girl shopping Mecca. What keeps me going are the rumors of a Nordstrom going in at The Mall at Green Hills in a year or two. This will push out one of my favorite restaurants, but if I’m getting a Nordstrom in return I am NOT complaining. I live here too- if you want to do something that doesn’t involve getting fruit-filled softdrinks out of your hair I’m up for it!

  4. Starl1te October 13, 2008 at 2:11 pm #

    That’s what you get for drinking such a huge quantity of disgusting soda while wearing such incredibly snobby shoes. Ohhhh woe is you, *only* Beverly Feldmans availabe! IMAGINE THE HORROR! Ew.

    It must be so tough to be you. How-evahhh do you handle it? Le sigh.

  5. bluehammer October 13, 2008 at 2:13 pm #

    woohoo, saucer of milk, table 2.

  6. Evie October 13, 2008 at 4:35 pm #

    Starl1te, take the high and mighty attitude elsewhere, kthx.

    Plumcake, if it makes you feel any better–and it probably won’t but maybe it will at least make you laugh–there is no Saks in Seattle, either. Or Neiman Marcus. Nevermind that my city has more than its share of wealth, fashion, and elitism. Something tells me that whoever studies demographics for these stores is sleeping on the job…

  7. JR October 13, 2008 at 4:38 pm #

    I had a PT Cruiser as my rental car earlier this year. It was indeed quite odd. I couldn’t get over the pretentiousness of having a freaking analog clock on the dash.

    Best wishes for the recovery of your shoes!

  8. Twistie October 13, 2008 at 7:40 pm #

    I find myself overwhelmed with an urge to go get myself a super sized slushie and a pair of Louboutins entirely so I can safely avoid the indignity of Starlite’s approval.

  9. Janey October 13, 2008 at 7:41 pm #

    Geez, Starl1te, didja miss the words “coming home from the hospice at 8:00 in the morning”? Maybe, just maybe, Plumcake has something major going on in her life and she’s trying to have a little levity amidst the grief?

  10. Lucy October 13, 2008 at 8:57 pm #

    That’s tragic! The info on Nashville is particularly painful as I’m trying desperately to get into business school there. While possibly not as wonderful, I’ve read about a fabulous plus size boutique there called Flaunt. If it is as perfect as it sounds, I plan to beg/stalk/lobby the owner for an internship the minute I get in.

    Best of luck!

  11. kimdog October 14, 2008 at 10:12 am #

    After living in NYC for almost 9 years, I am longing to return to Nashville… for all the reasons you mention. I could give a rats ass about designer shoes ($100 is my limit for a pair of shoes, $250 for boots). I like that Nashville has a limited “luxury” industry, and I’ll trade Neiman Marcus (which I have been in exactly once since moving to NYC) for a Sonic or a Cracker Barrel any day. It’s time to get back to my trashy southern roots, I guess.

  12. Plumcake October 14, 2008 at 3:19 pm #

    Kim, that’s why I love Austin (and I actually do really like Nashville) you can have chicken fried steak, a cherry limeade AND a pair of Miu Miu glitter pumps!

  13. Chaser October 14, 2008 at 4:05 pm #

    EGADS!!!! Loss of drinkie AND potential shoe damage!! My most heartfelt sympathies, Plummy.

    I suggest online shopping.

    I tell you, though, I love the PT Cruiser. My father has extremely bad arthritis and his PT is low to the ground and I just got him the convertible He is having a great time. (The convertible might prevent you from trusting anything to it’s very slope-y roof, too….)

  14. yankee October 14, 2008 at 4:09 pm #

    I moved to Tennessee about 2 years ago. An I sorely miss my Nordy’s!! I’m glad to hear there is a rumor there will be one at Green Hills. Lately I’ve been surviving on Dillard’s but that is wearing out fast.

    Lucy: I’ve been to Flaunt a couple of times and most of their stuff comes from Kiyonna and greatly overpriced.

  15. Lucy October 14, 2008 at 7:25 pm #

    Yankee-

    Thanks for the head’s up! That’s a huge disappointment.

    I live in Chicago and have been a bit spoiled by Viva La Femme. For some reason, I just assumed that Flaunt would be equally as good.

    C’est la vie!

  16. Brittany October 14, 2008 at 8:56 pm #

    Oh I feel so sad that you’ve missed out on something great about Nashville – the awesome food. There are SOOO many locally owned amazing restaurants here. If only you had given us a head’s up so I could share all my faves with you!

    And yes we are devoid of Neiman Marcus and Saks. I’m originally from Dallas so I hurt a little. But the Flaunt boutique mentioned by an above commenter is really quite wonderful and full of fabulousness.

    Plumcake, next time you find yourself in Nashville, give a little holler (yes I said holler) and we’ll hook you up with the best of the best.

  17. tiffany stewart December 6, 2008 at 7:33 am #

    Valley Eagles: Christopher Johnson 179-455, Tanner Humphrey 172-455, Tanner Burns 95-228, Abby Carr 73-198, Nathen Carr 128-327, Lauren Crowther 65-166, Stephen Devore 80-227, Cody Haight 78-202, Curtis Hoffner 82-215, Kassie Hollabaugh

  18. tiffany stewart December 6, 2008 at 7:33 am #

    Valley Eagles: Christopher Johnson 179-455, Tanner Humphrey 172-455, Tanner Burns 95-228, Abby Carr 73-198, Nathen Carr 128-327, Lauren Crowther 65-166, Stephen Devore 80-227, Cody Haight 78-202, Curtis Hoffner 82-215, Kassie Hollabaugh