*cough* Hi y’all *cough, splutter* I’m back! [redacted scene of unimaginable graphic lung-horking] How’s every little thing? Me? I’m dying. Okay, so technically I just have a really bad cold –or, in current Plum-speak– “a riddy bad code” and the only thing keeping me from Ending It All and chopping off my own pretty haid is that I just bought a fantastic camel hair beret and I look so adorable in it that it would be a shame to decapitate myself and deprive the world of all my appropriated-Gallic gorgeousness.
Which brings me to the subject of Monica Lewinsky.
Monica Lewinsky has caused me no shortage of heartache. I was a freshman in college outside Washington, D.C., when the scandal broke and being possessed of similar coloring and body shape as Miss Lewinsky, I was often either compared to or actually mistaken for the world’s most famous fellatilist, and quite frankly, it got old quick.
The worst part wasn’t the blue dress jokes or the inappropriate comments on the Metro, I could deal with all that. No, the WORST part was that she ruined the beret for the better part of a decade.
Let’s be honest. Girlfriend looks great in a beret. So many of we big girls do, especially those of us with dramatic coloring and heart-shaped faces.
Last month there was an article in British Vogue (I think) about the return of the beret and that’s when it got into my pointy little head.
Maybe I COULD wear a beret again.
After all, it’s been nearly ten years AND now that I’m French by Injection mayhaps I could retry the forbidden topper.
(Aside: Dear family, bet you regret e-stalking me NOW don’t you? Well that’s what you get, and you’re lucky that I’m not going into detail because I could and then you’d have to poke your eyes out and THEN who’d be sorry? Not the girl banging the Hot French Chef with the place in the South of France, that’s for sure –ed.)
ANYWAY
I found this brilliant camel hair beret from Lord and Taylor at a church resale shop (for a dollar, SCORE) and guess what? It LOOKS FABULOUS and NO ONE has asked me for Inappropriate Services ALL DAY.
Therefore, I declare that the Big Girl Beret Moratorium is OVER. Go git you some
Just remember, wear your hat low over the eyebrow and pull it like a pumpkin, not a pancake. Trop chic and trop cheap, non?
OMG, Plumcake! I was just looking for a beret yesterday when Christmas shopping (I don’t dare ask my family for one, Lord only knows what I’d get…some things are best done for oneself).
ANYWAYS, I too stopped wearing berets for a long time because I lived in DC when the scandal broke and I am possessed of a last name that sounds almost exactly like Lewinsky. We’re talking maybe a two letter difference here (take a look at my email address Plumcake, I mean, seriously?). I feel your pain of being called by her name. I mean, I look nothing like her, but being called “Ms. Lewinsky, I mean, *insert gross wink here* Ms…” every damn day for years…I avoided anything related to her, including berets. Not anymore. :)
Comment by Genevieve — December 11, 2008 @ 2:57 pm
The year was 1990. I, a brand-spanking-new-to-Austin freshman at The University of Texas, thought I was the height of chic in my black beret with a wee tiny bow on the front that added a small touch of interest to the part of the beret that lifted perfectly over my right eyebrow. I wore that hat everywhere – to class, to the clubs, to the library, anywhere there might possibly be a cute gothy boy who might like a cute chubby girl in a chapeau. I’d give anything to have that hat back. More to the point, I’d give anything to have back the way that beret made me feel – adorable and cool and moody and unique all in one.
Comment by AmelieWannabe — December 11, 2008 @ 4:01 pm
No, no matter what you want to be the truth, you do not have power over such fundamental truths of the universe.
The beret is awful, this is just a plain fact, like gravity, or the impossibil;ity of compressing water. It is not a fashion whim, like say not wearing white shoes after labor day, and it is not a piece of advice like “big girls shouldn’t wear stripes, or bright colors” (which is totally wrong in my opinion) or even “shoulder pads make your waist look small, so they should be bigger than your head” (do I even have to say). It is a law of nature, unless you are an elderly basque man, and notice I said man, or a commando (notice I did not specify gender) you should not wear a beret.
Wishing this fact away will not change anything.
Comment by Roya — December 11, 2008 @ 4:03 pm
Berets for women? Sure, okay, fine. I’m not really a hat person, but knock yourselves out.
Berets for men, however? Mais non! There is a guy I sometimes see at the bus stop who wears a beret without the slightest touch of irony. Like he is completely serious about his beret, and doesn’t think it is the slightest bit amusing. I can’t help it, sometimes I giggle.
Comment by Amy K. — December 11, 2008 @ 4:44 pm
Oh, Plumcake darling (and you too, Miss Genevieve), I totally feel your pain about the whole Bad-Miss-L-Jokes thing. While I was not a resident of Washington DC at the time the scandal broke, I was somewhere almost as terrifying (if you are a plump Winter named Monica)- Middle School.
And yes indeed I have weathered years of abuse and jokes about mistaking my last name for someone else’s. I’m proud to say that these did not drive me to anorexia (to rid myself of the plump), nor to drink, nay not even to murder, for which I am excessively proud. While I did experiment as a blonde for a time, it was fleeting and totally unrelated (and worth it).
Thank goodness that era now seems to have passed, and none too soon in my opinion!
Comment by mini_pixie — December 11, 2008 @ 6:15 pm
If you happen to live anywhere near an H&M, the last time I was in the one in Seattle, there were middling quality berets for approximately $6 I believe. I nearly purchased it. Despite having the rectangular shape of face that makes a beret look just a little silly and sadly, not the least bit jaunty. Now a viking helmet, I would rock like a hurricane.
Comment by Sara Darling — December 11, 2008 @ 7:30 pm
Hooray for berets!
Once upon a time, I had the most charming winter white felt beret trimmed with a jaunty little puff of white feathers on one side. It was one of my favorite hats (I have worn hats nearly everywhere since I was fifteen, so usually have quite a few to choose from), but I lost it somewhere along the line.
How I wish I knew where it got to and how to get it back!
BTW, Amy K, Mr. Twistie rocks a beret on a regular basis and looks tres chic.
Comment by Twistie — December 11, 2008 @ 9:33 pm
I have a hat that is crocheted out of some sort of black cottony yarn, and it is rather beret-like, with one exception: the crown is square! The part that goes around my head is roundy with a roll-up brim, so I can wear it to cover my ears or not. Sometimes I wear it with a side of the square to the front, and sometimes I wear it with a point to the front, like a mitre. My mother hates it, but I love it! My friend Lisa made it, and I believe she created the pattern herself; she calls it the “Blockhead” style.
Comment by MsChilePepper — December 13, 2008 @ 12:26 am
Berets? No, never again. She ruined them for me FOREVER. I also am a resident of Washington, DC and when she was staying at the Mayflower Hotel while in town to give testimony, I was on my way uptown to see my boyfriend. Her stupid paparazzi completely tied up traffic and detained my pleasure, and that is inexcusable!!
Comment by Mimi Stratton — December 13, 2008 @ 10:52 am