Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

December 17, 2008

The Big Question: Big Boys Edition

Filed under: The Big Question — Miss Plumcake @ 2:36 pm

So, what about the big boys? Inspired by the events of the past few days –a question after the Monday Hotness about why I haven’t featured any big guys (patience grasshoppers, I’m getting there) and a moaning complaint from Andre –who is a strapping, solid example of the tall-dark-and-handsome variety with big chef arms and a little bit of pudge that comes with being an epicure– that he wanted to lose weight because “eets beautiful on weemens, but for a man? non!”

Speaking from personal history, I haven’t been all that particular. Hell, I lost my virginity to a guy with webbed toes.* As long as they’re emotionally unavailable with a cute accent and an ancestral manse, I’m all about it. Oh, unless they’re drummers.

Anyhoodle, what do we think?

Today Plumcake wants to know:

Where do you fall when it comes to big men? Do you prefer to be with large men or do you think opposites attract? Have you had an experience that sealed your preference one way or another, or does it even factor into the decision?


*this is, unfortunately completely true. Perhaps I have shared too much.


  1. I dated tall men and short ones; thin ones and fat ones; blondes, brunettes, and a redhead; even a couple different races. They were a motley crew, viewed purely by their looks. It happened that I married a tall, portly, bi-racial gentleman (whom I’ve often referred to as my Japanese Welshman), but I might have chosen anyone on looks alone.

    What was I looking for? What did I find in Mr. Twistie?

    I needed someone with an appreciation of me as an individual and with a sense of himself as an individual. I needed someone who would stand up for me as a person and expect me to support him, as well. I needed someone with a perverse and somewhat perverted sense of humor and a healthy tendancy to whimsey. I needed someone who would enourage me to use my talents. I needed someone who would understand how important words are to me. I needed someone who would love me even when I was being a total butthead. I needed someone I could take comfort in at the end of a hard day.

    I found all of that and more in Mr. Twistie. His size, shape, coloring…those didn’t enter into it. But I must admit I love looking at him, and his voice still gives me shivers of delight.

    Comment by Twistie — December 17, 2008 @ 3:08 pm

  2. I tended to date chubbier men since I felt they could be upset that I was heavy too. I did have some thinner men ask me out but I always felt uncomfortable pursuing a relationship with them. My husband is on the heavier side, but it’s those wide shoulders that get me. So manly!

    Comment by Linda — December 17, 2008 @ 3:55 pm

  3. Build isn’t a big deal to me. I do, in general, prefer taller men, and am an absolute sucker for dark hair and blue eyes, but really I’m not too particular.

    Intelligence, wit and good personal hygiene are far more important.

    Comment by Elowyn — December 17, 2008 @ 4:15 pm

  4. Mmmm…I like ’em big, personally. That’s not to say I wouldn’t have dated a skinny guy (I did more than once, back before I met my husband), but for sheer physical attraction, I like a guy who is generously proportioned. For statistical purposes, I’m a plus-height girl (married to and used to date mostly guys around my own height).

    Comment by Liz — December 17, 2008 @ 5:11 pm

  5. I definitely prefer men with a little meat on them. Skinny boys have hips that hurt, let me tell you. There’s something ridiculously attractive about a man with strong arms. Oh goodness.

    Comment by Olivia — December 17, 2008 @ 5:23 pm

  6. I have a female friend with a birdlike physique who reminisces about the thrillingness of an extremely rotund former admirer: “You can’t imagine! It was like being on a trampoline!”

    Comment by Nancy — December 17, 2008 @ 5:27 pm

  7. Well, depends on what you’re talking about when you say “big,” Plum, because I’m aaaaaall about the big! ;)

    No? That’s not what you meant?

    Ok, my college boyfriend was a “big” guy by anyone’s standards, but it didn’t bother me one bit; I too loved the big, broad shoulders and matching hairy chest. So no, as long as the guy is going to be wonderful to me, I don’t get hung up on size.

    Comment by Broad — December 17, 2008 @ 7:10 pm

  8. My natural preference is for the skinny boys, but I always seem to end up with men with a little extra meat. And I’m cool with that. As a borderline Big Girl, a guy who is a little doughy makes me feel normal and like we belong together. Dating a really skinny guy would make me always want to suck in my stomach and that’s no fun.

    Comment by Janey — December 17, 2008 @ 7:35 pm

  9. I like ’em six-foot-plus and athletic. Which doesn’t go any distance to explaining why I married a man who’s two inches shy of six feet and what might be called ‘barrel-shaped’. It was his brain, really. And the fact that he thinks I’m damn gorgeous doesn’t hurt at all.

    Comment by Wendy — December 17, 2008 @ 10:27 pm

  10. i don’t seem to have much of a pattern at all when it comes to what attracts me to a man. but i suppose i am usually attracted to personality (cliche i know) first and then find them physically attractive because i’m fond of them and so become fond of their visage.
    but if i’m picking someone purely for looks, tall and dark usually win, especially if they have something a little quirky about their face (eg big nose or lopsided smile). and i prefer someone with a little heft to them :)

    Comment by kathi — December 17, 2008 @ 10:51 pm

  11. I’m very big, 5’9 and 300 +. However, the guys who have approached me have been pretty skinny and roughly the same height as me, so I know my fat doesn’t turn everyone off. :-)

    Weight’s really not been a preference for me. I like skinny guys, and I have this secret lust for skinny, goth-looking guys, with pale skin and dark hair. But I like fat guys too. I do prefer them to be my height or taller though. As long as they have a sense of humor, like to dance, keep their BO in check, and can get weird and geeky, I’m down with it!

    Comment by Bree — December 17, 2008 @ 10:52 pm

  12. I LOVE tall, dark, BROAD shouldered Nebraska farm raised corn fed boys.

    And then I fell completely in love with a tall, wirey, ranch boy of Norwegian decent. Go fig. :-)

    Comment by HurricaneDeck — December 17, 2008 @ 11:07 pm

  13. My personal taste runs to dark haired, blue-eyed and bohemian young un’s since I got divorced. Size is not a criteria for me but it turns out that most of the men who ask me out are slim and close to my height ( I am 5’6″ and 250ish lbs) and prettier than me. They have ranged thru most races and ethnicities. I think the common denominator was that they all got my jokes ;)

    I was a child bride and married a red-headed beanpole. I reckon we resembled Jack Sprat and his wife…

    Comment by bookgirl — December 17, 2008 @ 11:53 pm

  14. I like them skinny. I always have. And by skinny, I don’t mean “lean and muscular,” I mean out and out toothpicks, the kind of guys who whine that they can’t gain weight. I’m 5’5″ and 220, and my current boyfriend is 5’6″ and 120. Yes, that’s a 100 pound difference. I find him terribly sexy, he thinks the same about me, and no, I never feel the need to suck in my stomach around him ;)

    Comment by RB — December 18, 2008 @ 12:46 am

  15. My ~ideal~ male body type begins and ends with big boys – tall with wide shoulders and solid, stocky frames. Add dark hair and eyes and any musical ability and my knees get weak.

    Randomly enough, though, I tend to date lanky men, historically ranging from 5’10 to 6’1. Computer geeks and car aficionados, all of them and not a musician in the bunch. :) Ah well, there’s always the next one.

    Comment by Kathy — December 18, 2008 @ 1:18 am

  16. I have always visually preferred larger guys, and I have almost always dated guys who had waists roughly the circumference of one of my thighs.

    But my new guy is a bigger guy, and I don’t think I have ever enjoyed hugging someone so much. Oh I’m so flipping happy. He’s got those wonderful black Irish looks that I love, gorgeous shoulders, and he smells wonderful.

    Comment by Wicked — December 18, 2008 @ 8:33 am

  17. Looks have never been a factor, other than the initial “wow, look at that one!” I never said yes to a great looking guy who didn’t interest me, nor did it stop me from going out with a less “yummy” man who did interest me.

    My preference right now is for a man an inch or two shorter than me, weighing about 50lbs less than me, red hair but balding on top. And maybe I should marry him… oh, wait – I did!!!

    Though if Johnny Depp calls for dinner this weekend, Mr. Carol understands that all bets are off and I’ll be back later. ;-)

    Comment by Carol — December 18, 2008 @ 9:12 am

  18. Generally I prefer a guy with at least a little squish (just enough to bite). I’ve kind of lost my taste for skinny androgynous rocker guys. Nowadays I’m kind of into guys who are built sturdy like me, but on a larger scale – taller, broader shoulders, etc. I’m surprised no one else has mentioned the delight of getting to feel like a delicate little flower next to your Jolly Green Giant.

    Comment by KellyGirl — December 18, 2008 @ 9:19 am

  19. I don’t think I’ve ever dated anyone who would qualifiy as even over-weight. Which is strange, given that I am borderline obese by my bmi. My husband is thin and atheletic. You may remember that ridiculous Wall Street Journal article during the election about whether Americans would vote for someone with Obama’s low bmi. I laughed because my DH is exactly Obama’s height and weight — 6’1.5″, 175 lbs. Why have all my men been thin? Coincidence? I’m really not sure….

    Comment by Chiken — December 18, 2008 @ 12:59 pm

  20. My preference for body type showed itself while watching the 13th Warrior – at first I was all “Oh, Mr. Banderas!!!” but the minute those big, broad, blonde men showed up on the screen my Norse ancestry grabbed hold of me and I was like “Antonio who?” LOL!

    That said, that isn’t my only criteria for dating. I generally like them taller than me (not hard to do at 5’4″) but really, what I’m looking for is a mind that can keep up with mine, a sense of humor and geekiness. Good grooming is important too. Right now I’m dating a skinny guy, a medium guy and a big guy so I clearly do not discriminate. LOL!

    Comment by Babs — December 18, 2008 @ 1:31 pm

  21. My type is a big-all-over, dark-haired Jewish-looking (Mediterranean) guy who is diffident and funny. But I’ve dated all over the map, because the first attraction isn’t the most important one.

    Comment by Kai Jones — December 18, 2008 @ 2:25 pm

  22. I. Like Twistie, dated the Motley Crew of Men before I met my husband- short men, tall men, skinny men, fat men, buff men, soft men, dark men, fair men, the only requirement I had for the men I dated were that they were intelligent, creative, and kind. That being said, I always went absolutely weak in the knees for the darker, taller Spanish and Latin men that were in abundance in my growing up in California and Spain. The accents and the hair and the pure machismo that these men exuded- think Jimmy Smits, Antonio Banderas, Andy Garcia, Prince Phillipe – (Oh My, I think I need a lie down and good drink) . I swore I was going to end up with a Tall hunky Latin Lover who would read me interesting poems in Spanish and roll the R’s in all the right places.

    So how did I end up married to a shorter, slighter, fair haired, blue eyed, Scotsmen from Iowa, who cannot read a word of Spanish and thinks that- seriously- the Tax Code is interesting?? Because he treats me way better than I ever thought another human being could treat another person, because every single time he looks at me I melt a little because he has said that I am the most beautiful woman he has ever laid eyes on and even when he is mad at me, or I am not my most attractive, he thinks how lucky he is to have me. I am with him because my husband expects that I will not settle for a life half lived and he encourages me on this crazy ride and enjoys being with me on the journey. I fell for this crazy Scotsman because he really, honestly, loves and accepts me for who I am while at the same time challenges me to become who I want to be. He also really gets that beauty has zip to do with dress size and everything to do with the size of ones heart and the measure of ones character- Got to love a guy who lists Kierkegaard and Martin Luther King as his heroes.

    That and my husband is exactly the right size in all the right places- and I have taught him how to roll his R’s in/on all the right places. OHH- and I know what is under the kilt…

    I still enjoy looking at a wide variety of men, and the Latin/ Spanish guys will get a second look- but I am going home with the short, blue eyed guy in a skirt with a copy of the tax code under his arm.

    Comment by Kimiks — December 18, 2008 @ 4:52 pm

  23. I don’t date any specific body type. I date the guys who are kind and interesting. My first boyfriend was an emaciated raw vegan recovering from chemo (seriously. no exaggeration. did you know you can shred carrots to eat them like spaghetti?). my husband-to-be is fat. definitely fat.

    Comment by libbyblue — December 18, 2008 @ 11:37 pm

  24. I don’t think I would discount a guy just on the basis of him being short or thin or blond, but that said, I LOVE tall, husky, dark-haired men!

    Intelligence, however, is non-negotiable.

    Comment by Patia — December 18, 2008 @ 11:56 pm

  25. You tell this Andre to come to VA….

    I like a larger man! Like a lot of people I have dated pretty much every race, body shape, hair color…etc. Sure, if I was building my perfect man he would be taller then me (I’m 5’10”), muscular but not in a body building/gym rat/can’t wipe my own ass kind of way, red or blond hair and green or blue eyes. Oh and an accent, love the accent! (English and Scottish being my fave) That being said most of the men I date are about my height, brown hair, brown eyes and thin (though they are usually muscular in a wiry way) with no accent besides the generic southern (not even the nice TX lilt).

    I like men in general as long as I don’t have to bend over to kiss them (I don’t think I could date someone like 5’5″) then

    Comment by Jeni — December 19, 2008 @ 1:07 am

  26. I have little intelligent to say here, actually, as I am not at all visual that way. It’s little things, and I’ve always been attracted to both men and women. It’s the way they smile, or laugh, or their voice; the way they put words together–the capacity to put somebody else’s desires before theirs–the way her hair curls behind her ears, the freckles on her arms, the way he holds your gaze when he talks, the way the light plays off the hair, the wrinkles around the eyes, the graceful, slender fingers, a dimple in the chin, an overbite, a quiet self-assurance, the gentle way he handled an injured cat. Those are the things that have attracted me over the years. Since I suspect everybody in the world of being skinnier than me (or at least everybody in southern California) most I have dated are thinner than me, as is my spouse of 19 years. But I don’t think I required it.

    Comment by Chaser — December 19, 2008 @ 4:18 am

  27. Jeni, just because you’re my Internet Friend doesn’t mean I won’t cut you!

    Comment by Plumcake — December 19, 2008 @ 3:29 pm

  28. I used to joke that I have a 200 pound minimum, hee hee. I like to be with a man who has a strong physical presence, no matter the height/race/age. I like to look in proportion, and am attracted to big broad shoulders. So, that could be someone 5 feet tall or 6 feet tall, so long as they have the right *oomph*

    Comment by Radcliffe — December 22, 2008 @ 11:53 am

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Powered by WordPress