Years ago, Francesca went on a blind date with a particular man who turned out to be smart, fun, and good-looking. We ate wonderful food at a romantic restaurant, and our conversation was even better than the food.
Then he didn’t call.
This being years ago, Francesca assumed that the man had been turned off by Francesca’s fat. Because isn’t that always the way? And this being years ago, Francesca was Not In A Good Place, and she called the man to find out why he didn’t want to go out again. She was, perhaps, a glutton for punishment as well as for excellent food (ha!).
Anyway, after all that time that Francesca had been down on herself for being Too Fat for this smart, fun, good-looking man, it turned out — he admitted this after swearing Francesca to secrecy — that he was an alcoholic, and this date was his first in years because he did not want to subject his problem on another person, and he realized after we met that he’d been kidding himself thinking he was ready to date again, and he was so sorry, and in fact he thought Francesca was beautiful.
You see? Not About the Fat.
Often, rejection by a man is about the Fat. However, sometimes, sometimes, it is really about something else. Perhaps he is depressed. Perhaps he has a girlfriend. Perhaps he only likes women with curly hair. Perhaps he has the flu. Perhaps he has a crush on someone and no one else measures up. Perhaps he’s an alcoholic.
Francesca wants to know: In cases wherein you were able to ascertain why you were being rejected by a man, what was it about, other than Your Fat?