The poshest thing I’ve ever heard in my whole life was uttered by this little old show queen named —well, I can’t remember what his name was, so I’ll call him Evelyn– I met in New York who was carrying the most divinely wrapped umbrella I’d ever seen. At that time I’d amassed a fair collection of old silk bumbershoots and was always on the lookout to add to my archive so I told him I regarded his specimen and if he wouldn’t mind, could he please tell me where to procure one just like it.
He looked over at me with this amazing disdain, yawned and said
“Darling. I only ever buy umbrellas in London.”
Could you die? I died.
Then when I actually WENT to London, my favorite thing about the entire city was
Daniel Radcliffe’s weenus was seeing all those gorgeously dressed Proper English Gentlemen in their grey felt hats and perfectly rolled umbrellas walking around Knightsbridge looking important and repressed.
So that’s when I decided I needed a Proper British Walking umbrella. 25″ long with a whangee cane handle.
I did not know then that a Proper British Walking Umbrella like the men in Knightsbridge carry can set you back anywhere from $400 to $800. Yowch, that’s a LOT of cheddar.
So I decided to venture closer to home, in the gentleman’s department of Neiman Marcus. See, I had visions of Miss Emma Peel.
(Be careful when you’re wearing both your chapeau AND your umbrella. It’s a fine line between Diana Rigg and Danny DeVito)