Don’t Do This (Danger Pudding)

So we here at Manolo for the Big Girl and everyone ever involved with Shoeblogs LLC are telling you right this very second to NOT do this. Don’t. It’s dangerous and if you do it, it will explode and you will die and that would be sad because mama doesn’t get paid when all her readers are dead, plus you probably have families or whatever, I don’t really care about that, but there’s a recession on y’all, and Miss Plumcake has needs.  SO. DON’T DO THIS OKAY?

In Texas they call it dulce de leche or cajeta (although cajeta is technically a different thing) in France they call it confiture de lait but in Virginia it’s just plain old Danger Pudding.

Of course you should NEVER MAKE DANGER PUDDING so I will list the recipe for purely academic reasons.
You will need:
Danger Pudding!

1 can sweetened condensed milk (non pop-top, label removed)
some foil
a big pot
water
a can opener

Make three little balls of foil and put them in the bottom of the pot. Take the can and stand it on the balls of foil so it’s sitting off the bottom of the pot (it makes a racket otherwise). Fill the pot with water, enough to completely cover the can, preferably by a good inch or two. I cannot stress enough how important it is to cover the can completely with water. If the water boils off and exposes the can, the change of pressure could cause an explosion which is why it’s called DANGER PUDDING.

Bring the water to a boil and then take down to a simmer. Simmer for two hours or so, being sure to add water to the pot as it evaporates. Again, you do NOT want that can exposed to air.   If you like a firmer caramel, simmer it longer. If you want something runny; an hour and a half will do.

Turn off heat and let sit until the water gets lukewarm. Remove the can and let it cool entirely. Seriously. Let it cool. You do not want hot caramel spurting up at you.

Once it’s cool, open the can carefully. You will then have a glorious can of Danger Pudding.  Some people eat this right out of the can but those are the sort of girls who probably put glads in the altar flowers and are thus to be categorized as People Who Don’t Know (blesstheirhearts).

I like to stir a little Noilly Prat in my DP because I’ve got to use that vermouth for SOMETHING. It’s lovely warm over berries, spread on pound cake or crackers or it can be dropped by spoonfuls onto waxed paper, frozen, then dipped in melted chocolate and sprinkled with sea salt. Divine.

But, uh, don’t do it.

21 Responses to “Don’t Do This (Danger Pudding)”

  1. kimdog February 20, 2009 at 3:54 pm #

    This… is the best stuff ever. I was always a bit nervous to make it, but a good friend of mine who Dominican reassured me. She said that Dominicans make dulce de leche all the time (especially for Tres Leches cake), and that you never see horribly burned or scarred Dominican ladies who have been involved in a leche explosion. I usually let mine go for three hours. I love it thick and gooey.

  2. Inky February 20, 2009 at 4:37 pm #

    my grandma and mom used to make this for me as a kid. I love love love it!

  3. AmelieWannabe February 20, 2009 at 4:55 pm #

    Of all the creations included in this blog, including shoes, frocks, pocket squares, umbrellas, scarves, and men, danger pudding is absolutely the most gorgeous yet.

  4. Miss Solemnis February 20, 2009 at 5:05 pm #

    You can also accomplish this (and without killing your readers) by using the oven. Pour the can of sweetened condensed milk into a baking dish, cover it with foil, pop it into a roasting pan and pour hot water halfway up the side of the dish containing the milk. Toss it into the oven at 425 degrees for an hour or a little more – until the milk is caramelized – then whisk to smooth it out. Voila! No-death dulce de leche. :)

  5. Plumcake February 20, 2009 at 5:11 pm #

    Not as fun. Give me Danger Pudding or Give Me Death!

  6. ladyloo February 20, 2009 at 6:47 pm #

    I was absolutely not going to do this very dangerous thing…until I read that last line. Oh. My. God.

  7. Friv February 20, 2009 at 7:50 pm #

    It’s been too long since I haven’t done this. I think I may have to not do this tomorrow, when I can also not go to the farmer’s market and not buy strawberries. I also don’t have any noilly prat in the liquor cabinet I also don’t have, so I clearly won’t be able to add any to the danger pudding I won’t be making.

  8. Sarah J February 20, 2009 at 9:58 pm #

    In the UK it’s used as the filling for the lovely Banoffee Pie. Simply put it in a graham cracker crust and top with sliced bananas and whipped cream.

  9. Twistie February 20, 2009 at 10:09 pm #

    Damn, Plumcake! You read my mind! I had a lovely slice of Tres Leches cake today and thought ‘one of these days, I should let the populace in on the secret of dulce de leche’…and now I find you’ve beaten me to the punch.

    Guess I’ll just have to teach the populace how to make it into Tres Leches cake sometime in the near future…you know, in case some poor, beknighted soul fails to take your warnings seriously.

  10. Wendy February 21, 2009 at 12:31 am #

    What you call danger pudding is, in the UK and Australia (and possibly other places I don’t know of), just one ingredient of Banoffee Pie!

    Crust made of crush digestive biscuits and honey.
    Layer of Danger Pudding
    Layer of sliced bananas
    Chill, top with whipped cream, and serve

    All the fun and danger of danger pudding, with a serving of fruit! Plus, it’s PIE!

  11. Miss Solemnis February 21, 2009 at 12:26 pm #

    Plumcake Says: Not as fun. Give me Danger Pudding or Give Me Death!

    I guess you know I’ll now have the “cake or death” routine running through my head all day long. (Hopefully there are some Izzard fans out there or I probably sound insane.)

  12. Rubiatonta February 21, 2009 at 12:38 pm #

    No, Miss Solemnis, you don’t sound mad. And, uh, in case you were wondering, I’ll have cake, please.

  13. class factotum February 21, 2009 at 1:07 pm #

    Dulce de leche! Yum! You could always just buy it already in it’s dulce de leche/manjar/cajeta state rather than make it from scratch.

    I became a manjar addict when I was in Chile. I finally had to quit buying it, but my roommate continued. He would hide it, but he was a bad hider. Finally, he left me a note: “CF, I spit in the manjar.”

    As if that would stop me.

  14. Miss Solemnis February 21, 2009 at 2:04 pm #

    Rubiatonta Says: And, uh, in case you were wondering, I’ll have cake, please.

    Very well! Give her cake, too! We’re gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?

    I love, love, love that guy! Hate other stand-up with a passion, but he’s just amazing – and obviously intelligent and educated, which I always find incredibly attractive. Smart, sexy (makeup or not!), and hysterical – what more could you ask for?!

  15. Marvel February 21, 2009 at 8:04 pm #

    The banoffee pie I had in Scotland was topped with chocolate flake–yum. Stateside, I use nilla wafers to make the crust (instead of the biscuits).

    Also, for those risk-averse, one can achieve the same result by opening the can, pouring the milk into a saucepan and stirring continually over low heat (takes 20-30 min). very boring.

  16. Plumcake February 21, 2009 at 9:48 pm #

    Miss Solemnis, you must have missed the Monday Hotness that featured Eddie Izzard. You’re in good Eddie-loving company here.

  17. Chaser February 22, 2009 at 1:57 pm #

    You keep this up, marketing professors will write Very Important Academic Papers demonstrating that fat bloggers cause obesity. DANGER!!

  18. Margo February 22, 2009 at 6:14 pm #

    Good call, Chaser! Please consult my own upcoming thesis – Very Important Academic Types Who Cause (At Best) Boredom and (At Worst) Exacerbate the Very Problem They’re On About.

  19. De February 23, 2009 at 3:15 pm #

    We used to make this all the time, but we would just cut off the lid and place the can itself over the flame on the stove (doesnt’ work as well with an electric or ceramic range). We used tongs to hold the can and slowly stirred the milk into delicious delicious caramel.

    Put it on ice cream, put it in cake/fudge, put it from the can to your mouth. It didn’t matter.

    And it never exploded….I sometimes think other people overthink these things.

  20. Sabb February 26, 2009 at 5:15 am #

    For everyone who wants more of that fabulous desserts: check out brazilian an portug. receipts. They have soooo so many variations of sweetened milk desserts and I do love them all!

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