As I’m sure you all know, Sunday is the Feast of Saint David of Wales. Saint David’s Day is the Welsh –and thus infinitely more awesome– equivalent to Saint Patrick’s Day. Being a daughter of Cymru myself, I firmly believe in observing Saint David’s Day and bringing the spirit of The Dragon to the poor unfortunates who for some unfathomable reason known only to God, aren’t even partly Welsh.
I’ve got my daffodils and leeks all ready to pin on all and sundry, I’ve got a white dress –or maybe not, depending if my red haired cousin from the country comes early*– and for later I’ve got a dark room and a night full of Richard Burton films. (Note: I am a Christian woman, but if you call me during Night of The Iguana, I WILL cut you. Next Monday Hotness is totally going to be Richard Burton. I would have hit that twelve ways to Sunday.)
The only thing I lacked was a potato-free recipe for leek soup. So I went to Chef Google and found this particularly dismal recipe from Mireille Guiliano, author of French Women Don’t Get Fat.
Magical Leek Soup (Broth)
Serves 1 for the weekend
2 pounds leeks
1. Clean the leeks and rinse well to get rid of sand and soil. Cut off the ends of the dark green parts, leaving all the white parts plus a suggestion of pale green. (Reserve the extra greens for soup stock.)
2. Put the leeks in a large pot and cover with water. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat, and simmer uncovered for 20 to 30 minutes. Pour off the liquid and reserve. Place the leeks in a bowl.
The juice is to be drunk (reheated or at room temperature to taste) every 2 to 3 hours, 1 cup at a time. For meals, or whenever hungry, have some of the leeks themselves, 1/2 cup at a time. Drizzle with a few drops of extra-virgin olive oil and lemon juice. Season sparingly with salt and pepper. Sprinkle with chopped parsley if you wish.
This will be your nourishment for both days, until Sunday dinner, when you can have a small piece of meat or fish (4 to 6 ounces — don’t lose that scale yet!), with 2 vegetables, steamed with a bit of butter or olive oil, and a piece of fruit.
What the [redacted]ing [redacted]???
“This will be your nourishment for both days”?! Really? Nourishment? Where exactly is the nourishment? Because here is the nutritional value of a half-cup of boiled leeks:
Even if you eat ten servings over the weekend –and though I am loath to speak ill of my patron root vegetable, that’s not an appetizing suggestion– you’d still clock in at 80 calories a day. The strictest medical supervised starvation diet (which I still find highly questionable) according to the NIH is about 800 calories a day. So essentially you would have to eat ten times as much JUST to get to “starvation”.
That is ten pounds of screwed up in a five pound bag. And if Guiliano is trying to talk about the pleasure of eating, where is the pleasure in eating that? Oh yum! Leek broth every three hours? And I can have parsley too?! The last person to be Alive with Pleasure from a leek. Well, I don’t even want to know about that, but I can’t imagine it’s healthy.
Also, French women DO get fat. One of my favorite big girl blogs is Le Blog de Big Beauty from Stéphanie Zwicky. Granted, her sartorial choices are not always in line with my own particular taste, but she serves it unapologetically and à la mode, and for that I love her.
So go, buy a leek, wear a daffodil and if you’re Welsh thank your lucky stars, but for the love of Richard Burton (and that’s a whoooole lot of love) DO NOT spend you weekend drinking this juice.