To my Racktacular Sisters,
Can we talk about cleavage? Because I feel we need to talk about cleavage.
Now I don’t mean ALL of it, just you know…if it looks like a small child is full-parade mooning me from out of your sweater, that officially qualifies as a Festival of Oversharing and I do not need to see it.
Let’s think about the iceberg. The iceberg is a powerful force of nature. They float and sailors spend a lot of time looking out for them. The same can be said for cleavage.
Icebergs, however, only ever expose 1/10th of their surface area. Do you see where I’m going here, ladies?
This? This should be you.
It’s not like I’m against cleavage. It’s a natural treasure and I deploy it myself to great effect. The era of big girls in muumuus is over –except where culturally appropriate– and I have the sort of driving record only an $80 bra can achieve. I also realize that if you’re a petite-framed girl with ginormous jugs, there’s just no hiding your lightbulbs under a bushel basket, so it’s definitely a sliding scale.
BUT we all know that there is such thing as Too Much and, okay, I’m just going to say it:
That much cleavage is for ugly girls.
I know, I know, “Blah blah blah it’s my body I’ll show what I want/ you’re not the boss of me/why should I listen to Some Internet Chick?” Whatever. I don’t care. You don’t have to listen to me. You don’t have to bathe everyday either, but the world is a sweeter smelling place when you do.
Aside from miles and miles of mams just looking trashy and low rent, my theory is: if you feel the need to draw attention away from your face THAT badly you either feel ugly or in fact ARE ugly.
Now, since Plumcake doesn’t DO ugly (at least not on the outside, where it counts), and like attracts like, it stands to reason that none of you fine folks reading this are double-bag uggos. So the only option that occurs to me is that you want people to look at your breasts as opposed to any other part of your body.
Well, what’s up with that?
Breasts have limited capabilities of expressing emotion. It’s pretty much “Hello!” “Brrr!” and “Perhaps bra burning was in retrospect not such a great idea” and that’s about it. So why would you have someone look there first instead of at your face, which –unless you’ve had it shot up with the bo’ — is almost guaranteed to express more emotion, reveal more of who you truly are?
Just some food for though.