There are few things on this earth I know to be true and these are they:
1) Jesus loves me
2) Oklahoma sucks
3) Life is more fun with jewelry on your head
(4. supplemental: you now have a wicked Spandau Ballet earworm)
Now I know what you’re thinking. You read on the twitter feed that I recently acquired an antique 1930’s French silver tiara so violently fabulous that it made me pee a little when my jewelry gal showed it to me, so you think I’m going to talk about that. Well I’m NOT. Okay, well I am a little, but only to relate this teensy vignette:
I was volunteering at the coffee shop, wearing my tiara (it was after eight) when this sweet little girl comes in.
“Are you a princess?”
“No.”
“Why are you wearing a tiara?”
I stopped and thought for a moment.
“Because I own a tiara.”
Which was of course the right answer. I don’t believe in princesses. Princesses are real estate deals with ovaries attached. Screw that. The one princess I knew in real life –she was a dear friend in college– was sent to America to study and last I knew was refusing to go back.There’s also a funny story involving a different crown princess, a lecherous Nobel Prize winner, my ex’s ex who may or may not have turned lesbian and run off with her yoga instructor, my erstwhile roommate, a pack of American Spirit cigarettes and what happens when you start discussing your love lives while making your way drink-by-drink through Ben Reed’s “The Art of the Cocktail” (I think we were on the Old Etonian) but that’s not my story to tell.
Anyhoodle.
I don’t think women adorn their heads nearly enough, which is a shame. I don’t just mean with turbans and tiaras –I understand that not everyone is comfortable making that much of a statement– but if you’re looking for a way to spike up your glamor quotient and push your envelope a little without committing to the Full Endora or breaking the bank, why not try adding a little jewelry to your head?
If you’ve got thick hair, take advantage of it by popping in a big clip-back earring, large enough to work as a brooch. You could also use shoe or fur clips, both of which stay put admirably in thick hair. If your tresses are super-thick and curly like mine, you might even have luck just pinning in a regular brooch using a lock of hair to secure the pin, just be sure to give the hair a spritz with your favorite ozone-destroying hairspray before you attempt it.
Thin hair? No problem. Just head out to your favorite antique dealer/thrift shop/retrovogue boutique and ask to see any broken jewelry. Buy things that tickle your fancy: single earrings, pins with broken backs, whatever. Then using your hot glue gun or Krazy Glue stick, attach them to the base of whatever sort of haircomb or clip works best in your hair. I like Scunci brand sidecombs, either whole or broken in half.
Hair brooches are super feminine, so make sure the rest of your outfit isn’t overly sweet, unless you’re going for costumey or precious (hint: don’t.)
EEEEEEEE! So pretty!
(And eff you very much for the earworm.)
Comment by Janey — May 19, 2009 @ 5:09 pm
“Princesses are real estate deals with ovaries attached.”
WIN.
That is all.
Comment by lazydaisy — May 19, 2009 @ 7:23 pm
Oh my dear, dear Plummy, you did give that little girl precisely the correct answer. She needs to know that it’s okay to dress up and have fun with it, even if one isn’t a real estate deal with ovaries attached.
Get it, little girl, and flaunt it!
Comment by Twistie — May 19, 2009 @ 8:47 pm
I’m so envious that you have a jewelry gal – my jewelry guy (who specialized in beautiful handmade pieces from Mexico and Bali) got out of the jewelry business to focus on art imports. The upside – I’m not blowing mucho bucks on jewelry on a regular basis. The downside – I haven’t found an alternate source that meets my needs when I want a new piece of jewelry.
I wish that I could rock a tiara, but I agree with Twistie, you gave that little girl exactly the right answer!
Comment by Grace — May 19, 2009 @ 8:56 pm
I would pay somebody to marry me just so I could wear that tiara in my wedding. It would look ridiculous on this old woman, but man . . . that is fabulous.
Comment by Hermione — May 19, 2009 @ 9:51 pm
But of course the fabulouso Plumcake would own a fabulous tiara. I own several myself and 3 years ago when I went on a cruise with my 2 sisters, I bought us all tiaras and made sure we wore them onboard so that everyone knew we were Queens and deservied to be treated accordingly. Too many little girls have succumbed to the Disney propaganda and set their sites no higher than princess. Trust me “Queen” is where it’s at.
Comment by gemdiva — May 20, 2009 @ 11:04 am
That is a seriously fabulous tiara
Comment by klee — May 20, 2009 @ 11:52 am
gemdiva, I would amend that to “Queen in her own right” is where it’s at.
Comment by Twistie — May 20, 2009 @ 1:13 pm
Beg pardon, but Oklahoma does not “suck.” Despite the apparent opinion of the rest of the country, some of us are civilized – not riding horses and chasing Indians. There are “normal” people here, you know – the ones who enjoy fashion, fine dining and wines, the arts, travel, etc. We just carefully sidestep the rodeo-going, Walmart-shopping, Bible-thumping, tobacco-chewing rednecks. :)
Comment by Stylish Tulsan (not an oxymoron, BTW) — May 20, 2009 @ 11:54 pm
Thanks for the tips about keeping things in curly, very thick hair. So many things for hair are made for those with fine hair.
Comment by Beth Rang — May 21, 2009 @ 1:05 am
Tiaras, like kittens, make us better people.
Comment by Style Spy — May 21, 2009 @ 9:33 am
Oh dear god I want that tiara.
Comment by Rebecca H. — May 21, 2009 @ 6:47 pm
I love the tiara. I NEED one! I borrowed my nieces tiara one day and I wore it all over…the store, driving in the car, to my brothers house, sipping coffee with it on, doing dishes… I think all women must have a tiara just for the occassion when they feel girly and flauting that they are the Queens of their own Castles!
Comment by Diana — May 22, 2009 @ 6:02 pm