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A Policy Announcement from Miss Joan Crawford | Manolo for the Big Girl

A Policy Announcement from Miss Joan Crawford

(language warning at 1:14 for the GREATEST LINE OF ALL TIME EVER)

So recently we’ve had an unattractive little spate of trollish comments here in paradise, and while I know 99.44% of you are just sweet innocent baby lambkins who comprise the best and most entertaining readership I’ve ever had (except for that one old lady several years ago who read an article, found my apparently-not-unlisted number and called me at home to tell me I’m a “[expletive] genius” before asking me to explain “the onlines” to her so she could forward the article to her son who bytheway was single.” She was WAY more entertaining than you yahoos. AND had her son not been happily shacking up with a guy named Clay –pronounced KLEE— she’d probably be my mother-in-law.

Anyhoodle, what I’m trying to say is the vast and overwhelming majority of you are awesome but every once in a while we get what Miss Claudia (that’s Ladybird Johnson to the rest of you, remind me to tell you about the time one of her daughters tried to steal a white leather prayer book. Good times.) calls “A fly on the wedding cake.”

Now being enamored of cake on many levels there are few things I won’t do to protect it, and frankly, if someone is going to be spewing bile I’d much rather it be me  since I actually get paid to do it. Plus it’s kinda my shtick (for further reading see: “Helen Lawson Production, Number of Stars in a“).


If you make comments that are in any way “illegal, fraudulent, threatening, abusive, defamatory, or obscene” I will report it to your ISP.  I’m not saying not to disagree. I’m all about open and lively debate, but keep it cricket and for Gaultier’s sake do NOT go after my cobloggers.

Because Miss Plumcake doesn’t take kindly to people going after her coworkers. Her google finger gets antsy and then sometimes unfortunate things happen.

I mean, it would be an awful shame if someone said something rude about Twistie and then not only got reported but ALSO had their totally embarrassing dragon fic from 1997 linked to on an extremely popular website for fat chicks.

Yep, that would be JUST AWFUL.

13 Responses to “A Policy Announcement from Miss Joan Crawford”

  1. MinkyBoodle June 11, 2009 at 7:02 pm #

    Heeheeheeheehee! I am giggling uncontrollably at the dragon fic!

    Good job Plumcake.

  2. Kerry June 11, 2009 at 8:00 pm #

    Bravo, Miss Plumcake. By the way, is there no one better than Joan Crawford at telling someone off? Cruella De Ville is a close second.

  3. g-dog June 11, 2009 at 9:55 pm #

    I would LOVE to make the video my sig file at work!! But definitely a paycheck limiting move since it is most decidedly NSFW

  4. Maureen June 11, 2009 at 10:31 pm #

    I would’ve enjoyed reading the dragon fic, but sadly our internet friend really sucked at formatting. Disappointing.

  5. ms jinxx June 11, 2009 at 11:24 pm #

    Wow! Remind me to never get on your bad side darlin’ , I can’t believe you actually posted the link. But seriously, way fantastic! I believe I just fell in love with this blog even more.

  6. Jennie June 12, 2009 at 12:05 am #

    Brilliant! You are such a fantastic inspiration and totally rocking Biatch! Love, love, love it!!!

  7. raincoaster June 12, 2009 at 3:46 am #

    Believe me, you would NOT have enjoyed reading the dragon fic. Unless you’re a masochist, that is.

  8. Jean June 12, 2009 at 8:49 am #

    For a moment I was stumped;just what is a cob-logger?

  9. mini_pixie June 12, 2009 at 12:17 pm #

    hee, Jean, me too! :)

    Also, back off my Twistie!! Thanks for the able defense Plum!

  10. jojokaffe June 12, 2009 at 12:31 pm #

    Mama always says, ‘If you can’t say anything nice, it’s best to say nothing at all.’
    I just wish I could remember that in the heat of the moment.

  11. erin June 12, 2009 at 3:07 pm #

    can someone send me the link to the youtube video? i am having trouble viewing it and I am dying to see it.

  12. Diana June 15, 2009 at 3:55 pm #

    As always, LOVE your style!

  13. Valirae June 16, 2009 at 2:12 am #

    Once in a blue moon I drift over here from brides and read a bit. Plumcake, I have to say it, I love you as much as a straight non-stalkerish heffah such as myself can love another.

    That link made my day.
    I, like that joker, have embarrassing crud up online (my particular shame is pixel art). It’s good to remember you have something to be ashamed of when you’re acting a fool and being mean to others. I believe you may have taught him this. Or at least taught him that if he’s gonna talk smack he needs to do it under an assumed name so people don’t find out he’s a complete tool.