Listen, I know I live in Texas so I really have lost the right to complain about the heat because I knew Texas was hot when I moved here, and the extreme heat is just the admission price we pay for the honor of living in God’s Country and all but y’all…it’s HOT.It’s hot and I’m in PAIN because, well, okay let me paint you a picture:
I sort of accidentally bought an antique baby grand piano (it looked so cute in the window!) a few weeks ago and I’m JUST NOW getting it delivered. I didn’t really think about thinks like whether it would fit through my door, or that maybe I’d actually have to learn how to play it. Details, my friends.
Now, this has not been my most sensible purchase in recent history because –as mentioned– I don’t actually play the piano and it is DISTINCTLY POSSIBLE that I might have subconsciously spite-bought it for reasons that will not be divulged on this blog except to say I liked him better when I thought he was gay and at least MY hair’s a color that exists in nature, but I digress.
The piano movers get here and I go to pull my ottoman away so they can get the thing in the door and (stop reading if you’re squeamish) my toenail on my big toe turns itself inside out. YOWCH. Anyway, it’s too hot for hotness so I’ve decided to do a Monday Coolness featuring the some gents I’ve been listening to lately, but here’s the catch:
YOU have to identify them.
Some are easy, some are not so easy.
Most are legends, one is a friend, one would have been my godfather if he hadn’t been such an unrepentant Yankee, one’s mother keeps trying to set me up with her other son (whom I adore, but I cannot be with a man who wears white athletic socks with a suit) and ONE of them started a sentence with “I’m too old now so I cain’t do it, but if I were younger I would…” followed by the filthiest stream of perversion I’d ever heard —and I was engaged to a French guy— and concluded with “and I would Tear. That. UP!” much to the shock of the rest of the congregation.
So…who are they?