But there are women who would be happy with some or all of those garments. There are also women like me who could happily do without them. Part of it is figuring out what your life requires, as well as what you like. And that’s a very tricky figuring: what I like is apparently Christmas-Season Formal Wear. What I require, at this point in my life, is clothes for the office, and clothes for lying on the couch while the cat sheds on me. This is an Important Distinction, so that you don’t spend ALL your money on Art Pieces which you cannot wear (it is OK to spend SOME money on them, though – IF you have the money to spare. Not everyone does, and some of those who do, feel guilty. It is OK to buy a Valentino suit on sale at the consignment shop just because it’s beautifully made – as long as you have SOME clothes to wear).

Canadian Chick, I TOTALLY understand! There ARE workarounds for the hourglass figure. Keep a sharp eye peeled for skirt SHAPES: no, you cannot wear a straight gathered Indian skirt and look good in it. HOWEVER: keep a sharp eye peeled for those Indian skirts which are cut as either a CIRCLE or a HALF-CIRCLE, because these are shapes which WILL flatter an hourglass or a pear shape (small waist, wide hips). In fact, if you stitch at all, start experimenting: the shape that will look graceful on you is a half-circle skirt, with the seam up the back. Start with cheap fabrics (including circular table cloths!), and find out where you like your hems. You can put a ruffle, or a series of ruffles, on a half-circle skirt; you can buy yards of Indian or peasant embroidered trim to stitch along the hemline. You can wear a peasant blouse under a fitted princess-line jumper, and have sleeves as full as you like – frilled with lace, if you like.

It’s important to know, not just what you CAN do, but what you WILL do, to alter a garment from “maybe” to MINE! I CAN do virtually anything … but will I? I will be the first to admit that I suffer from Lydia Bennett Syndrome: I WILL buy that new bonnet – and take it home, and rip it apart, and make it up new, with prettier-coloured satin ribbon… some day. But clothes can be taken in, or pieced together, or have sleeves removed – I have a couple of dresses with short sleeves that don’t work with my upper arms. They work just fine after they’ve been slit open all the way up the arm and neatly turned under, though. (And trimmed with a narrow lace, but YMMV.) Trims and lace can be added; non-polyester clothes can be dyed with the appropriate fiber dye. A couple of fabulous jackets that fit everywhere BUT the front (a small gap at the waist, and a BIG gap at the bust) are going to have false waistcoat fronts (aka stomachers) made for them.

You do have to figure out what it is that you like, though. Figure that out FIRST, regardless of your size. Once you have an idea, you can figure out ways to apply it to your own figure, and your own requirements for the life you lead. And don’t beat yourself up for the occasional mistake; heaven knows I’ll still buy something that’s a beautiful colour … but not for me. Or beautifully made, if I can afford it … even if I’m unlikely to wear it. (This is NOT the same thing as buying something for an occasion that may come up some time in your future, even if you don’t need it next week; that’s Planning Ahead.)

I found, really, that for me, the greatest Secret To Style was learning to look in the mirror and say “No”. Just because a dress was beautiful, and in a colour I loved, but looked VILE on me …. No. Not going to bring it home. The time for me to stop deluding myself was in front of the mirror – but I also found that it was worth it to at least TRY things on first.

Oh, and the fact that something’s cheap? Worst POSSIBLE reason to buy it. (Or to wear it, once you’ve bought it.) Do you want the keynote of your personal style to be cheapness? No, I didn’t think so. (N.B.: Do not conflate “cheap” with “bargain”; they are two very, very different things.) Buy the things that you love – or you will be forced to love the things that you buy. It’s better to have a small handful of things that you love, than a wardrobe full of nothing you like.

@La Petite Acadiene: Best. Rule. Of. Bargain. Shopping. EVER.

@ Patti: Okay, you’ve got the basics. You’ve found a general look you love, and you’re getting pieces in that style, and you look good in them, right? If your personal style still isn’t coming together at that point, it’s time to take a hard look at the details. Are the colors the most flattering to you? Could the proportions be improved? How are you accessorizing? Try a few pieces that are almost – but not quite – classic and see if they are really the things that make you shine. Try something utterly outrageous that you normally wouldn’t think of. It may turn out that classic just isn’t what makes you look your best, no matter how much you’re drawn to it. Play with it until you catch yourself feeling really excited by an outfit. Don’t get discouraged. It takes effort and practice, but this should be fun. Go into it with a positive attitude and a sense of humor. Don’t even try on days when you can’t get in the mood. It might not com together for a while, but if you keep trying you’ll find it, and it will be worth the effort.

As for wardrobe staples, I don’t deal in specific pieces. Every life is different and every woman is different. After all, what use is the perfect cocktail dress to a woman who never goes to cocktail parties?

Some women can’t imagine life without at least four pairs of jeans, while others make it a point of honor never to own a single pair. And you know what? They’re both right. It’s just they’re right for themselves.

To find your own staples, you need to think about the life you are living. How do you spend your time? Where do you go? What do you do when you get there? Where do you live? What clothes are practical for your life? How much money/effort do you want to put into their care?

Ultimately, the clothes should serve you, not the other way around. Don’t concern yourself with x style of pants or x number of skirts in x length. Concern yourself with what clothes will make you feel both comfortable and attractive while walking the dog or going grocery shopping or making a presentation in the big meeting that’s coming up.

When you know how you’re living, it’s easier to find the clothes that serve that life and still make you feel superfantastic. Then get them in the best quality you can find and afford, and rock your personal signature look.

I would LOVE to be able to wear long floaty crinkly cotton and rayon, embroidered and layered and ethereal…all mother earthy and stuff. I put it on, and it’s horrific on my short waisted, short-heighted, “super eight” figure.

*sigh*

So, I try to gather the elements of that style I like (such as fantastic neckline embroidery that highlights my face and decolletage) and put it into something I can wear (a figure skimming tunic and bootcut slacks).

Ah, but I still dream of the layered, floaty, earth mothery clothes…

@Leah: Absolutely! The medium is not the message when it comes to clothes, hair, and makeup.

@NoAverageDays: Friday Fierceness is always more dangerous on a saturday.

@Margo: Audience reaction is every bit as useful when starting out in creating a style as a clear eye and a good mirror. That’s an excellent suggestion!

@Patia: You’re right. Clothes, hair, etc. should be the backdrop to show you off. The best way to think of it is like a painting. If you put the right painting in the right frame, the frame disappears at first, whether that frame is elaborate or minimal. The same painting in the wrong frame will always look bad, even if the painting and the frame are both great, simply because they do not go together. If you look your best in a very simple ‘frame’ then that’s what works best for you, and you should definitely rock your signature look. Me? I disappear in a minimalist frame. Bright colors and a bit of the Baroque are what make me look like me, both body and soul. Neither is better than the other. Both are valid. In fact, both have every chance to be superfantastic…so long as they go on the right person.

@ TeleriB: Oh, I never meant to suggest that mirror-gazing wasn’t an important and sometimes tricky skill set to learn! Mostly I wanted to note that it wasn’t the primary focus at that moment. Yes, good mirror skills are vital to good style. And believe me, there are still times when I catch myself thinking that something is gorgeous, and really, I could get the sleeves taken up and the buttons changed and that chances are that I can wear it without gapping if I just hold my breath a little when I sit, and…it ain’t gonna happen. The good news is that most of the time I can stop the crazy talk in my head and put the piece back on the hanger.

There was a really cute blouse I saw yesterday in an outlet store. It was just my sort of style, and there was even a size that I knew in my heart of hearts would fit me correctly. Alas! It came in only two colors and both of them were far too pink for me. One was trying to be purple and the other was trying to be terra cotta, but they both ran too pink. I’ve tried those shades in the past, and I know they make me look sickly. It tore my heart out, but I put them back and went with a really gorgeous teal knit top (and I tried on three different sizes in three different colors to make sure I got the one that was most ‘me’) that is the perfect top to go with a skirt I love to wear all the time.

What’s more, I got out of the store for fourteen bucks and change, and that top is beautifully made. It’s going to last a long, long time.

Although this is not exactly a trivial skill, either…

For me, delusion is easy. If I really like one aspect of a garment, I’m a pro at talking myself out of its drawbacks. It doesn’t button? I’ll just wear it open. The poofy shoulders aren’t really so bad, are they? It binds, but only a little…

One of the best things I’ve learned in the Manolosphere (aside from princess seams as applied to Apples) is the concept of superfantasticness. If I’m contemplating a purchase and I don’t totally and entirely love it, it goes back. (Usually. I’m human, and I err.)

But it wasn’t easy to learn, and I still fall off that wagon if there’s some detail/fabric/drape/concept that I want to be able to wish into working for me. So I guess it does tie back into style, at that point where you’re making it reality.

However, my style strategy is to wear inexpensive cotton knit basics in cuts and colors that flatter me (i.e., lots of black with splashes of my favorite colors). These serve as a simple, comfortable backdrop for my face, hair, shoes and jewelry, which are far more interesting, anyway.

My little suggestion is, listen to sincere compliments on what you wear (& really, you can feel if a comment is sincere or mean-spirited – your gut will tell you). That’s how I worked out that emerald green was superfantastic on me, that I shouldn’t fear wearing dark colours on my top half – how much did us pears get that drilled ito us? – and that square necklines are the go.

KES – this may seem nutty, but can the dress be dyed?