Dear Summer Brides,
Listen, it’s not that I’m not happy for you. I mean, I’m not saying I AM, but there’s an open bar and I’m just regifting a Royal Albert “Old Country Roses” deviled egg dish (my grandmother SWORE any girl who had Old Country Roses as her china pattern probably had round heels in high school) so whatevs, but seriously…it is TOO FREAKIN’ HOT to have an outdoor wedding in Texas in June.
Then there’s the question of what to wear.
At some point in the past 40 years, we seem to have forgotten how to dress for weddings. We know, mostly, not to show up in all white, but other than that it seems a mystery.
Now I know you all are going to think going to rant about black at weddings. I’m not. Actually, I’m kind of okay with that. It’s not ideal unless it’s an evening winter wedding, but I can deal. What sugars my cubes are dresses that are too short, too casual or not sufficiently supported.
The next wedding guest I see in a smocked tube dress yank-yank-yanking her way through the ceremony is going to be on the business end of an Unpleasant Encounter with a pimento cheese sandwich (on crustless white bread, cut into triangles, of course; aggravated assault is no reason to forget your upbringing.)
Alight.com has been carrying some particularly charming dresses recently, mostly from Donna Ricco, that when paired with a summer weight cardi or shrug (or a shawl if you like that look. I don’t, as it basically says “I’ve got fat arms and am not fooling anybody“) would be perfectly appropriate.
(click on the desired dress for links)
While the two on the left might be the most appropriate, I do like a bit of whimsy in a summer occasion dress. Just as I tell the gal who does my lashes to “take it to ‘Tranny’ and then pull one step back” I think these sorts of events call for a dress that goes right up to, but does not cross over to, twee. The green one is quite a bit younger than the others, but if you look at the detail, which I suggest you do, it’s really not as young as it appears.
I also like a hat at an outdoor wedding. It probably won’t surprise you that I have Important Opinions on millinery but I understand that it’s just not reasonable for most folks to go out and procure a $700 Peter Bettley chapeau for an event.
For my hat-wearing big girls, is there an online resource for your fabulous chapeaux? Dit moi, y’all, and by the way, when do we start the divorce pool?