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Plumcake reminds you | Manolo for the Big Girl

Plumcake reminds you

It’s okay to go up a size.

Seriously.

And while normally I would call that The Rule of Beyoncé, our sadly bereaved friend Janet Jackson is the offender, seen here last year at the opening of one of Alexander “Despite never being attracted to women I secretly am in love with Plumcake and will marry her and spend all my days mixing her toddies and designing exquisite couture for her because she is my everything” McQueen’s boutiques.

Janet at the Met CostumeMcQueen S2008 Butterfly Kimono

I mean granted most of us aren’t Laura Blokhina who wore the look during McQueen’s summer 2008 RTW show which was brilliant from beginning to end. Blokhina was described on one internet resource as 5’11” and 180 pounds. HAHAHAHAHA. No. When I began modeling I was 5’10” and180 pounds which put me at about a size 16. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again –although this time I not lying and stifling a giggle– an inch does not make THAT much difference.

Anyhoodle.

Miss Jackson is a thick girl with a kickin’ bod. I can’t say I agree with all her plastic-surgery choices but whatevs. Here Miss J is wearing a kimono. A KIMONO. They’re SUPPOSED to be loose and flowing.  Granted she’s had a bit of an alteration done to close up the neckline because we all know of her well-established nippular modesty and she wisely eschewed the amazing butterfly belt for something more suited to her 5’4″ rack-heavy frame, but this kimono? THIS KIMONO IS TOO TIGHT.

God. Why do I even have to SAY that?! ANSWER ME JANET! WHY?!

I mean the dress was a mistake from the get go, she’s too short for that gesture (and besides, it went out with Mrs Fiske) she would have looked yonks better in this from the same collection:

McQueen s2008 shorter kimono

Because it would have at least given her a little leg.

BUT even if she’d insisted on going with the longer look –and I’m telling you right now I would wear the HELL out of that thing, enormous belt and all, because while you adorable miniature people with the enormous boobs get all the boys, we tall girls with the travel-sized usuals get the best clothes which I think is totally fair– she would have done well to go up a size.

It would have draped better, freed her from what’s known in the South as the dreaded dunlapt disease (as in “my stomach dunlapt over my belt”) and who would’ve known about those extra two inches of fabric?

No one.

Except her stylist

and that’s why God invented “amnesia resultant from blunt force trauma with an American Music Award”.

13 Responses to “Plumcake reminds you”

  1. Christina June 29, 2009 at 5:27 pm #

    I’m 6′ tall and was 180 lbs about a hunnert years ago now. I was a size 14.

    I smell the faint odor of a nutrient-rich fertilzer…

  2. Jenne June 29, 2009 at 5:58 pm #

    I dunno, I think she looks rad, in a Vulcan kinda way.

    But I agree that the second dress would have been awesome.

  3. Style Spy June 29, 2009 at 7:17 pm #

    I’ve got dibbies on that dress, I’ve HAD dibbies on that dress. I’m looking for the right man so I can get married in that dress. WTH does she think she is, defacing my wedding dress like that???

  4. Cara June 30, 2009 at 5:08 am #

    Actually, the traditional Kimono ist anything but loose and flowing. Wearing one, and severy special undergarments and under-belts and the final obi belt is like being strapped in a corset that goes from the ankles to the shoulders, giving the body a very cylindrical shape. It’s like chinese footbinding for the whole body.

  5. Jayelle June 30, 2009 at 8:57 am #

    Seriously? Out of all the too tight offenders out there, you decide to pick on Janet Jackson right now? Tacky, tacky.

  6. kit June 30, 2009 at 9:37 am #

    “travel size”!!! Awesome. This card-carrying member of the IBTC thanks you for a new favorite descriptor!

  7. ChloeMireille June 30, 2009 at 10:01 am #

    I. Want. One. SO MUCH.

  8. slownews June 30, 2009 at 10:40 am #

    i thought it was v. “dunlopped,” n. “dunlop.”

  9. lucylang June 30, 2009 at 3:56 pm #

    Christina,

    People are shaped differently. I am 4′ 11′ and I weigh 175 – 189 lbs and I’m a size 12 – 14.

    But can I admit something? I think she looks sexy. What can I say? I come from the Dolly Parton school of fashion.

  10. La BellaDonna June 30, 2009 at 6:09 pm #

    It has more to do with shape than size. It’s not actually a genuine kimono, for starters; for another, it’s shaped to fit a V-shaped figure, and Janet is teetering somewhere between an hourglass and a … no, she’s an hourglass. But it means that she DOES need to go up a size or two in an outfit shaped for a V. I ran into all.the.time. in 80s outfits: the jacket fit me PERFECTLY, with its nipped waist and flippy little peplum. And then the straight skirt would be about two sizes too small. Feh.

  11. Sunflowery June 30, 2009 at 9:11 pm #

    I think the outfit is beyoooooooootiful, and she looks really great in it! Loose wouldn’t work… this has a great 70’s vibe going on… love it.

  12. Jessica July 1, 2009 at 3:04 am #

    She’s 180 cm tall which is probably where that number comes from.

  13. Jessica July 1, 2009 at 3:07 am #

    Also, just adding to the “different sizes/shapes” thing, I’m 5’9″ and a size 16 at 230 lbs. When I was 180 lbs I was an 8 or 10.