My nana who –depending on reports– married somewhere between 75% and 100% of the Salvation Army Marching Band, spent much of her life being hungry. Thus her daughter –my grandmother– spent her childhood the same way until she did what any reasonable woman who was constantly mistaken for Ingrid Bergman would do (after graduating from Barnard with a biology degree): married rich.
I don’t think it’ll surprise anyone by saying she has some Serious Food Issues which she lovingly passed down the line.
I’m not angry with my grandmother for passing on unhealthy relationships with food and body image. She came by those food issues honestly, as did so many people of her generation. I will say, however, that the cycle which started with her mother and trickled down through four generations will stop with me.
A hundred years is enough.
It has taken me my entire adult life to have a relatively normal relationship with food, and it’s a constant effort. I still have issues with portion control because when I was a kid “good” food (Goldfish crackers, cookies, peanut butter) was squirreled away in secret treasure troves throughout the house and brought out only for brief, shining moments before we were sent outside so she could hde the food again without us looking.It’s a struggle, but it’s not a struggle be thin, and it’s not to thumb my nose at my grandmother –that’s what losing my virginity in a rolling barrel was for*– it’s the fact that I’m strong enough to make this stop.
So are you.
I’m a naturally big girl. I’m 5’10” I wear size 41 shoes, my wrists –which are slender– are 8.5″ around. I’m still a damn fine lookin’ broad, but the whole lithe and willowy beauty thing? Not gonna happen.
I still over-eat sometimes. Of course I do, I nearly did myself an indelicacy last when I consumed an entire tub of this really porny Greek yogurt that is better than any yogurt has a right to be. But I over-ate because it was so good I wanted to fake a pregnancy and trick it into marriage, not because I was afraid that if I didn’t eat it all rightthatverysecond I’d never see it again, and you know, I’m counting that as a victory.
Today Miss Plumcake wants to know:
If you grew up with familial food issues, how have you addressed them? If you’ve triumphed, let me hear it. If you’re still a work in progress like I am, tell me about that too.