The Big Question: #%$^ Edition
Anybody familiar with the brilliant British sitcom Coupling will know instantly what I mean when I say “the giggle loop” for those of you who don’t know, watch this. Done? Good.
I have something like a “swear loop” wherein I accidentally swear at the worst possible time. So in an effort to stop getting kicked out of baptisms I’ve trained myself to replace traditional profanities (which I know and love) with other, amusing but equally satisfying words. Currently “pants” “divot” and “aubergine” are getting a lot of play around Château Gâteau.
Today Miss Plumcake wants to know:
What is your favorite ONE WORD (meaning ONE. WORD.) fauxfanity?
Bollocks. Although I’m not sure of its actual profanity level across the pond.
I love the carved eggplant!
It’s not a word, it’s a phrase: son of a left-handed screwdriver.
I picked it up from my 7th grade science teacher and I’ve used it ever since.
I adore that eggplant! Mine’s a phrase, too: holy mother of god. In place of her son’s name.
“balls” is usually what I end up muttering that or “Many dirty words”
OMG, Mrs. Hendricks and TropicalChrome, I swear I will delete y’all forever and ever. I don’t want a phrase! ONE. WORD. Is that so hard? ONE %&^%$# WORD!!!
Fudge!
There’s the frustrated exclamation “nutbunnies!” which I totally stole from the most awesome cartoon ever, “Freakazoid!”
Like TeleriB, I’ve imported “bloody ‘ell,” which I find tends to elicit more amusement than offense when spoken in a really bad Cockney accent.
I’ve also been known to call other drivers, and those provoking similar irritation, “butt monkey.” No particular meaning is meant by combining those particular words; it’s just extremely satisfying to mutter. The most delicate among us would probably call that a real profanity, though, so I don’t know that it qualifies.
Phooey.
Frak.
Spit.
Dirtyunderwear.
I use “foo-gay-zee” quite a bit in place of my favorite four letter f word. I have to be careful. I use the f word way too much. :)
My husband says pants; he also says burrito.
I’m with Mrs. Hendricks on holy mother of god. Also: oh for the love of Pete. But those are phrases, yes. I guess when I not-swear, one word just ain’t gonna cut it.
My usual one worder is “Fark!”
When my daughter started picking up potty words from her less-than-discreet mother, I knew I had to do something. We’ve tried out a number of different un-fanities and are especially fond of “Pumpernickel!” and “Fiddlesticks!”
UN-fanities…love that!! How about “BOGUS”!?
“Biscuits.” No, really. I find that the hard, consonant beginning and sibilant end are quite satisfying, especially when hissed angrily at, say, an offending copier machine or table leg against which I have stubbed something.
Ooooooh, biscuits is a good one! I like that, Gina.
And if we were doing phrases, if, IF, I’d have said “shut the front door”. But since it’s single word utterances only, I’m going to have to go with “britches”. It’s close enough to a curse word to make it extremely satisfying.
Frak!
Foxtrot! It’s the phonetic alphabet term for F, which stands for… well, you know. For times when the speaker is confused, angered, or incredulous, it can be combined with W and T, like so: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
Blerg, a la Liz Lemon.
I’ve used Whiskey Tango Foxtrot too, but prefer “What Tiny Frogs!”
Farkle, potch, or Judas.
Frack
Frick
Shazbut (my husband’s personal favorite)
The universal animal noise of disappointment or disgruntlement – dogs say it, cats say it, and I’ve been trying to bring it into more popular (human) usage for years:
“Foof!”
Once when I was about 10, my dad was driving and started to shout “F-” at the car in front of us. I helpfully supplied “Fudgepuddles!” and it became a family favorite.
My favorite alternate definition of WTF came from a dad whose 6-ish son asked about it. He said “Well That’s Funny!” and his son went around saying “WTF” to everything :)
Shuck. Combination of “sh**” and F-word.
oh, I almost forgot, my brother-in-law used to shout “Communism!” … that always had me in stitches
“God Bless America!” I picked it up from my husband, though… can’t take personal credit.
Why do you have to make it so difficult, Plumcake?
If you can handle a two worder, “holy cats” has the nice bonus of making small children in the vicinity giggle.
“Fiddle!” It comes from my beloved grandma’s “fiddlesticks” and comes in handy when i’ve already started pronouncing a real swear word that starts with “F”.
I also like “heifer”, again from grandma. Instead of saying, “You little b*st*rd” or “You little sh*t”, Heifer comes in mighty handy.
I’m rather fond of “nutbunnies”, too. Freakazoid was the best. :D
I say pasta! Or try to at least.
Danielle: My coworker introduced me to fah-gay-zee. I fell madly in love. It needs to become popular.
Oh shiz! Usage: “You are so not the shiz!”
Either “Expletives!” or my favourite “Budget!”. “Budget” really does sound dirty, especially when you hiss it.
Ah Plummy! How I adore Coupling! It is my considered opinion that Jeff Murdock is one of the great unsung philosophers of our time.
IF we were doing phrases, I would sing the praises of Bill Murray’s deathless cry of ‘mother pus bucket’ from Ghostbusters.
SINCE we are doing single words, though, I stand firmly by the Red Dwarf classic of ‘smeg’ and its multitudinous variations.
Holy Mary, Mother of Dean.
Only Supernatural fans dig it.
Fuzzbucket. Ridiculous, but it works.
Crackers.
I had an uncle who used to substitute “Godfrey Daniel” for… well, you can figure it out.
“Rats!” or “Fie!” does it for me, on those rare occasions when a variant of “fuck” will not do.
Oh, bless. As in “bless your heart”, as in “you f**king idiot”.
“Smeg” is a favorite of mine from Red Dwarf and is even grosser when you think that it’s short for “smegma” (that gross white gook that collects in various nooks and crannies of the body most notably on certain male parts) Smeghead is grosser and Smeggin’ Hell is a fave.
Bugger
Sugar
Fudgesickles
Shoot
Frag
Frak
Frick
Peck
Sometimes I just hiss and yell Donkey.
Sugarcubes!
Shut the front door.
Fricative. (‘Cos that’s the thing about the f-word we all like, from a phonemic point of view.)
Agammemnon!
No idea why, but using the name of an ancient king seemed to be ok with my parents.
I go old school with “dagnabbit!”
“Squid!” or “He’s a squid!” I’ve got other people at work saying it too.
Monkeyfuzz. Sometimes combined with the precursors of Holy Frickin’, but that’s only when I have injured a digit. Actually, lots of variations on “monkey” are in my vernacular as pseudo-cusses, annoying pet names for siblings, and moments of exasperation with small creatures, human or animal.
Fartknocker
(Just wanted to point out that until I pointed this out I totally followed the “one word” rule)
Crackmonkeys!