Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

August 19, 2009

The Big Question: Paper or Plastic Edition

Filed under: Food,The Big Question — Miss Plumcake @ 1:11 pm

I decided to go grocery shopping at 2:00 in the morning last night (huh?). This in and of itself is not extremely strange as I prefer to get my groceries when the risk of running into children is low, lest we have an an unfortunate recurrence of that time those kids played tag using me as a base and I’m forced out of civic duty to drown them for the betterment of all mankind.

Plus I almost always run into a door guy or bartender I know, standing in  line to purchase his single roll of toilet paper,  some grapes and three pounds of string cheese. It’s good times and not at all unusual. It is unusual, however, for me to go grocery shopping at 2:00 a.m. after I’d lost a good deal of blood.

Yesterday, for various reasons that don’t bear repeating, my veins were temporarily turned into the Bellagio fountains which resulted in a less-than-ideal quantity of my own supply of vampire juice escaping its bodily confines.

I was fine and after I got stopped or staunched or whatever they call it I went home happy as a lark and took what can only be described as the most bitchin’ six-hour nap in the history of six-hour naps. It was a nap for the ages.

I woke around 1:30 and after playing two woefully inept games of mah jongg against myself decided I really needed some Mexican food, but the only place that was open was La Mexicana Bakery and they haven’t liked me since that time I Was Not At My Best and thought I was ordering in Spanish –which I actually speak quite beautifully– but ended up ordering in French and then when they didn’t understand I just ordered in French LOUDER.

Anyhoodle, going grocery shopping after losing a lot of blood is not something I’d recommend and my haul, upon opening my refrigerator this morning, was what I’d charitably call “eccentric”. There’s some sort of squash or possibly melon I’ve never seen before, an inordinate quantity of broccoli crowns, six pounds of baby carrots, three boxes of Triscuits one of which I apparently opened in the car and two gallons –yes gallons– of plain yogurt, my plans for which I can only imagine since it definitely did not involve consuming the stuff.

Today Miss Plumcake wants to know:

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever bought without recollecting, and what is your favorite late-night grocery story?  More importantly, what on EARTH am I going to do with all this yogurt?



  1. You can turn all of the yogurt into tziziki and have a Greek food fest!!

    Late night purchases are always done over the internet at my house, so I’m prolly gonna have to plead the 5th on that one.

    Comment by Devin — August 19, 2009 @ 1:33 pm

  2. Okay, apparently I spelled tzatziki wrong, but you know what I meant…

    Comment by Devin — August 19, 2009 @ 1:34 pm

  3. Tzatziki! Lots and lots of it. Also explore Middle Eastern/Indian food- many dishes use yogurt to marinate meat. Add fruit and freeze into yogurt pops (great summer snack) and they last quite a while. I’ve heard of making a sort of cream cheese out of yogurt (but only if you have the full fat kind I think). Salad dressings? With granola and fruit for breakfast?

    I’m pretty sure if you do all the above you’ll get rid of most of the 2 gallons of yogurt. Leftovers- you could slather some on Andre. Not so much? I vote for lots of Tzatziki then.

    Comment by BatGirl — August 19, 2009 @ 1:38 pm

  4. With that much yogurt, I can only assume you attended to bathe in it. Apparently, you can use it as a facial mask…

    Comment by Amy K. — August 19, 2009 @ 1:45 pm

  5. So this does not turn into Tzatzikifest 2009 (much as I love a good tzatziki), may I recommend using the yogurt wherever you would previously have used sour cream. In enchiladas, in baked potatoes (though this tends to work better if you stir up cheese in it first, plus CHEESE), as a dip for chips, and so on.

    A friend of mine swears by plain greek yogurt with honey and nuts as a tasty treat. Speaking of, I must try that some time.

    Comment by Sid — August 19, 2009 @ 1:49 pm

  6. My late night grocery runs usually consist of an absolutely overwhelming need for chocolate and/or ice cream, so nothing particularly unusual. Plus, I’m a Virgo… so I tend to compulsively have a list.

    For the yogurt, make smoothies! Milk, berries, whatnot and yogurt, whip it all up, and there you go. Here is also a recipe for Mango Lassi Frozen Yogurt, which might help ease the heat and the abundance of the white stuff.

    They say you can put it on your face to tighten your pores, but that might be just a tad too frightening.

    Comment by penguinlady — August 19, 2009 @ 1:58 pm

  7. Stir in sugar and vanilla, eat with fresh fruit or make smoothies. Buy some poundcake and tear it into pieces and top with yogurt and fruit to make a faux trifle.

    My best unconscious purchase was a few years ago when I was 24 hours post-op from abdominal surgery and on a tremendous amount of Vicodin. I bought dishes. Online, from the Crate and Barrel outlet. Service for 12 plus a few extra funky shaped bowls and side plates. I didn’t know until the boxes came from UPS a few days later. And they just kept coming.

    Fortunately, I have good taste when I’m stoned and I actually use them daily.

    This story is legendary. When I injured myself and had to take Vicodin again last week, no less than three people reminded me not to buy any more dishes.

    Comment by Sony — August 19, 2009 @ 1:59 pm

  8. Another vote for tzatziki! Or an Indian raita. If it’s Greek type, definitely honey and nuts/dried fruit/granola/fresh berries, etc. etc. You’ll get through it in no time.

    Comment by teteatete — August 19, 2009 @ 1:59 pm

  9. I also bought Tzatziki!

    Comment by Plumcake — August 19, 2009 @ 1:59 pm

  10. Frozen yogurt! I just made some last night, using this recipe: Of course, you’ll need an ice cream maker to do it, but everyone needs an ice cream maker.

    Comment by Lexi — August 19, 2009 @ 2:12 pm

  11. If you don’t have an ice cream maker, you can use the popsicle forms and pour your yogurt-blended-with-fruit into them (I do this all the time for the kiddo). I also have a fantastic banana bread recipe that uses plain yogurt (only a 1/4 cup, but still, it’s the best recipe I’ve come across).

    Were you thinking of using the yogurt for face masks? Why do I seem to remember a recipe of plain yogurt and oatmeal face masks from the distant past.

    Comment by JenniferV — August 19, 2009 @ 2:39 pm

  12. Call a food bank or a homeless shelter. They’ll be glad to take it.

    Comment by Margo — August 19, 2009 @ 2:45 pm

  13. Miss Plumcake, you had me laughing so hard my stomach hurt. Thank you.

    Comment by Olivia — August 19, 2009 @ 2:50 pm

  14. Margo, that was my first idea but they said they don’t have enough cold storage for that quantity of stuff, plus they want individual servings.

    Jennifer and Lexi: I am an oddity, I’m a fat girl who doesn’t like ice cream or ice cream-adjacent deserts!

    I feel like I probably DID buy it to bathe in it, but after the HUGELY unfortunate champagne bath (zomg do NOT do that!!!) I’m shy about bathtime additives.

    Comment by Plumcake — August 19, 2009 @ 2:57 pm

  15. Paint guns and gear with friends. At the time we thought it would be fun and a 24 hour Walmart was very helpful in fulfilling our needs.

    Comment by Tara — August 19, 2009 @ 3:33 pm

  16. I’ve never bought something without really recollecting, but after one pain-medication filled night, I woke up with my cell phone in the freezer, a microwave soup in the fridge, and ice cream in the microwave, and all the chairs turned upsidedown. That was odd.

    For the yogurt, I have a different suggestion: Get a few small 1.5-2 cup-ish sized containers, fill them 3/4s with yogurt and 1/4 with fresh fruit (add mint or cinnamon and nutmeg, or granola if you’re feeling adventurous), and then seal the top with press-and-seal wrap before putting the lid on. Freeze for however long you like, but now you have fresh fruit and frozen yogurt parfaits for any time you’re hungry, and they’re a great pick me up in the middle of the afternoon.

    (I’m actually doing this next paycheck, which is why I’m suggesting the same. :) )

    Comment by BrieCS — August 19, 2009 @ 3:50 pm

  17. I would use that yogurt to make some kind of baked good. Possibly some banana bread. Or some spiced pumpkin bread. Either way it’s good stuff.

    Comment by lucylang — August 19, 2009 @ 4:57 pm

  18. Do a yogurt fast! Yogurt + 1/2 cup fresh berries 4 or 5 times per day, for a few days. It would probably be fantastic for the digestive system. ;)
    Once, during an emotional crisis (not mine) my roomie and I went to the grocery for Hot Tamales and ended up walking the aisles for two hours talking. We did remember to get the candy and go home eventually, though.

    Comment by Cheeky — August 19, 2009 @ 6:01 pm

  19. I can’t say I’ve purchased anything suitably bizarre myself, but I did have a longstanding game with fellow retail slaves called “The $20 Walmart Challenge.” The goal is to come up with the most bizarre combination of items that could be purchased for under $20 at a Walmart or similar big box retailer, with bonus points for the most compelling backstory for said purchase. There’s always some idiot who wants every hypothetical purchase to have *ahem* intimate undertones, but with the right crowd it gets pretty creative. Example: single use dental floss picks, duct tape, ear plugs, kitty treats, rubbing alcohol. Reason: cat dentistry.

    Comment by Evie — August 19, 2009 @ 6:10 pm

  20. I generally don’t buy anything bizarre at the store but I do always remember that one night when I decided to go shopping after group therapy. See, I have this idea in my head that hailing a cab in my neighborhood is no problem and then I wind up standing out there at midnight with a frozen turkey until I’m ready to cry.

    As for your purchases, I am the queen of snacks and with the broccoli, baby carrots, Triscuits, and yogurt (to be made into dip) you’ve got the makings of a party!

    Comment by KellyGirl — August 19, 2009 @ 6:21 pm

  21. Can you take it back?

    Comment by Melissa — August 19, 2009 @ 6:23 pm

  22. So one time I realized that during the night I had filled my entire freezer with otter pops in January. Awesome.

    I was going to say mix it with honey and cinnamon and throw that shit in an ice cream maker, but since you don’t like ice cream, get yourself invited to a giant barbecue and use it in place of like 2/3 of the mayo in pasta/egg/tuna salad. Or I second eating it with fruit and granola or whatever, but I got the impression you were not a fan of eating it. Unfortunately I know no non-eating repurposings of yogurt.

    Comment by Leah — August 19, 2009 @ 6:24 pm

  23. A little honey and granola mixed in with plain yogurt is DIVINE. It’s put me off of ice cream, even.

    Comment by Sarah — August 19, 2009 @ 7:26 pm

  24. Mango lassi, Plummy. Lots and lots of mango lassi. If you need a recipe, you know where to find me.

    Also yogurt can be used in some tasty marinades for meat, and as others have noted it can be substituted for the sour cream in a lot of recipes…though I must admit I generally prefer the sour cream in most of these recipes.

    Really? You got two gallons of yogurt AND tzatziki? Dude, that is hardcore.

    Even when I’ve gotten something bizarre, I usually remember more or less when and why I got it. Nobody I’ve ever known has admitted buying stuff without remembering it before.

    Mr. Twistie, however, was utterly convinced that I already owned a copy of Big Night when I gleefully pulled it off the grocery store rack for a mere $9.95. No, I really didn’t have it until that moment. Now I can salivate over that menu any time I like…and I like a lot. He’s still hunting for that phantom first copy.

    Plummy, the next time you have a gusher like that, I want you to drop your credit cards and ATM card and car keys in the mail to me. I’ll send them back when you’ll at least be fully cognizant of your plots – I mean plans – for all that yogurt.

    Comment by Twistie — August 19, 2009 @ 8:49 pm

  25. 1. Thou shalt make many flavors of yogurt cheeses. They taste good, have more uses than yogurt, and tend to last a lot longer.

    2. I know that I, personally, bought and paid for the three road flares and red kosher horseradish, but I have no idea of how or why. They were just there when I woke up.

    Comment by Whitney — August 20, 2009 @ 12:03 am

  26. This is not the weirdest thing I’ve ever bought, probably, but you get great looks staggering into a drug store at 3 in the morning, zombie tired and trailing a concerned boy, to buy hydrocortizon cream. After having loud discussions about how fast “it” had spread and how much would be needed and how I’d probably need help to apply the cream.

    (I had discovered I react poorly to dryer sheets– I broke out in weird hive things on my back. Now I know.)

    Comment by Ananas — August 20, 2009 @ 1:04 am

  27. After a absurdly long night where I practiced my tequila drinking skills (I am a pro btw) I just really wanted a coke, instead I wound up with among other things half a dozen of those scrubby dish dealies, a small potted fern, an extension cord and of course no coke at all.

    Comment by AmazonAngelle — August 20, 2009 @ 1:36 am

  28. Get yourself a jar of lemon curd. (or Lime curd or orange curd, or whatever, but the recipe I’m paraphrasing used lemon.)

    Take the yogurt. Let it set in cheesecloth in a colander for about 6 or 8 hours until the water drains off. Mix the resulting denser product with the lemon curd. Devour.

    Optional: take graham crackers and crumble them, mix with enough water to make a crumb crust, press into mini pie tins, bake for about 5 to 10 minutes so they dry out and eat the lemon yogurt curd in them.

    Comment by Meg — August 20, 2009 @ 1:41 am

  29. Yogurt – You can use it for a face-mask, no really! It’s got lactic acid, and makes a lovely exfoliation of dead-skin cells. You could mix it with oatmeal, honey, or fruits, and whatever you don’t eat use as a mask.

    Also, it makes a great sub for anything you’d use sour or even whipped cream with. Guacamole, Dip, a bit of sugar and cinnamon on berries and cake…


    Comment by MissSpite — August 20, 2009 @ 2:18 am

  30. Maybe it would work in a paprikash. Damn.

    Comment by Violet — August 20, 2009 @ 9:00 am

  31. Perhaps it could be combined with the three pounds of egregiously overcooked asparagus in my fridge and made into some sort of chilled soup…

    Comment by Style Spy — August 20, 2009 @ 10:30 am

    here’s a recipe involving yogurt marintated chicken.

    Comment by Jewels — August 20, 2009 @ 12:08 pm

  33. or it might involve “marinated’ chicken.

    Comment by Jewels — August 20, 2009 @ 12:16 pm

  34. “Even when I’ve gotten something bizarre, I usually remember more or less when and why I got it. Nobody I’ve ever known has admitted buying stuff without remembering it before.”

    Same here, Twistie. I’ve bought some silly items on impulse before, but I’ve never been totally unaware that I had bought something or why I bought it. The closest I’ve come is ordering something online and then thinking, “Huh, what did I order?” when the package arrived. However, just looking at the return address on the package is always enough to make me go, “Oh, RIGHT; I almost forgot I’d ordered that.”

    Comment by Cat — August 20, 2009 @ 2:26 pm

  35. BatGirl! I’m scandalized! Plus knowing Andre he’d object to it unless it was FRENCH or maybe Moroccan yogurt.

    Style Spy…three POUNDS of asparagus? I love the stuff as much as the next girl but seriously. That’s a LOT of asparagus. I bet you COULD puree it and make it into a soup though.

    The dips and sour cream stuff are all good ideas, except I don’t eat two gallons of dip/mayo/sour cream in a YEAR much less in the time it would take that stuff to grow fur, so soft cheese it is.

    Comment by Plumcake — August 20, 2009 @ 4:31 pm

  36. I’ve never bought anything too weird myself, but I will never forget the perfectly normal looking couple I saw buying approx. 100 plug-in air fresheners and nothing else.

    Comment by Janey — August 20, 2009 @ 4:38 pm

  37. plumcake, words cannot describe how much I love you!

    Comment by MonkeyParts — August 20, 2009 @ 7:06 pm

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