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The Monday Hotness: Poor Plumcake’s Finally Lost It Edition | Manolo for the Big Girl

The Monday Hotness: Poor Plumcake’s Finally Lost It Edition

It’s been one of those weeks.

Yes, I understand it’s barely past lunchtime on Monday, but trust me, with the delightful exception of seeing Brother Cake which is always a treat (although I can’t say I’m thrilled his goatee is back. He showed up to our grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary with a bifurcated goatee, I told him later I was pretty sure God gave him cancer just to make that stupid thing fall out) my weekend sucked so hard it automatically got bids from seventeen sororities and a cease and desist note from that weird European dude from the Dyson commercials.

Then this morning began with a lovely email from a professor telling me I made written personal attacks on another student which is laughable (ALTHOUGH I TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE because apparently the rest of my class gets their socio-political theory from the dad in So I Married an Axe Murderer) and I responded that I didn’t attack anyone either individually or as a group, although I was wise enough to omit the part about if I made “personal written attacks” on someone, by gum they would KNOW because I am JUST. THAT. GOOD.

And then my dog ate my McVitie’s.

SO I am in a rotten mood. It’s rainy (first person to make a “Rainy Days and Mondays” comment gets banned from the site and/or choked with a pair of novelty socks) those bastard pears from last week went from flavorless hockey pucks to mushy rot over the course of a weekend AND MY &*^% DOG ATE ALL MY ^%#$ SCOTTISH TREATS!!!!!!!!!!!

The main reason, nay the ONLY reason I haven’t lost my damn mind and gone on a rampage of Telling People Things They Desperately Need to Know About Themselves is because after my working lunch I sit down very quietly, pull out three McVities Digestives and a little jar of chocolate spread, put on my favorite narration of The Wind in the Willows (which is actually free) and eat my three cookies in bliss, while Mole, Toad, Ratty and especially Mister Badger convince me not to stand up in the middle of the office and perpetrating remarkable, Quentin Tarantino-level acts of violence with a green scrubby on the next person who does not EMPTY THE %$$ FOOD TRAP IN THE KITCHEN SINK I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER WERE YOU RAISED IN A BARN ARRRRRHHHHHHHH!!!!

(two cupcakes with Ativan sprinkles later)

So. Uh. As I was saying. Today’s Monday Hotness, by popular request, is newly-minted O.B.E., Alan Cumming.

Cute in a suit

For his actually really brilliant fragrance, Cumming
(I very much like this fragrance and am wearing it today. Skip if you don’t like peat or cigars)

So dirty.

in The Bacchae
This photo has actually been on my concept board for months.

suffering-mans-charity.jpg

as the emcee from Cabaret

So, so filthy. I would’ve died to see him in Cabaret, I never just loved Joel Grey in the role. Creepy yes, but not quite menacing enough. I love pretty much everything Cumming’s ever done which, lest we forget, includes one of the great cinematic achievements of our day…Spice World. It’s a great movie and I will burn the infidels who say otherwise.

9 Responses to “The Monday Hotness: Poor Plumcake’s Finally Lost It Edition”

  1. Ruby September 14, 2009 at 2:56 pm #

    Oh, Plumcake! (dies)

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for posting the Alan! I’m going over to Perfumed Court for some of that fragrance…mmm…

    And let me just say, I SO feel you on your day. Been there. Keep breathing, thinking lovely (filthy) Alan thoughts, a few more biscuits if you need them.

    I, too, go to childhood literature in times of great distress. It is very calming.

    (OMG THE ALAN!)

  2. Ruby September 14, 2009 at 2:57 pm #

    PS. I feel EXACTLY the same way about Cabaret!

  3. Lisa September 14, 2009 at 4:18 pm #

    I LOVE Alan. I respect what he’s done with his career, and he’s just got plain got the cutest dimple. Great choice.

    I’m sorry you had such a yucky weekend. FWIW, I almost NEVER have the judgement not to go telling people things they desperately need to know about themselves (think Serena Williams’ last match and you have me when I am on a roll) so you should feel good about showing so much restraint, and your parents should congratulate themselves on having such a well-brought-up girl on their hands.

    I used pink AND blue eyeshadow this morning in your honor, if that helps at all.

  4. Angela September 14, 2009 at 4:51 pm #

    I think I just wet myself over those images of Alan. Wow! Thank you, Plumcake.

  5. Babs September 14, 2009 at 5:21 pm #

    Mr. Cummings is just SO delicious!

    Keep breathing!!

  6. Miriam September 14, 2009 at 8:22 pm #

    NOTHING is worse than having some other creature finish off one’s McVities. NOTHING. Unless they eat all the clotted cream as well.

  7. dcsurfergirl September 14, 2009 at 10:26 pm #

    Thanks, I needed that. Alan’s a cool guy! The perfume ad pic is my favorite.

    Hope your week gets better.

  8. g-dog September 14, 2009 at 11:10 pm #

    Love Alan –
    Sorry about your damnable events – I am somewhat mired in a suckhole of S^*t right now too, so I feel your pain (and also crave sweets to console myself and reward myself for making it through another 24hrs without killing one of idiots tormenting my life).

  9. AmazonAngelle September 15, 2009 at 1:53 am #

    You are abso-ding dang-lutely right about Spice World. I’m also sorry your dog ate your cookies