It’s been one of those weeks.
Yes, I understand it’s barely past lunchtime on Monday, but trust me, with the delightful exception of seeing Brother Cake which is always a treat (although I can’t say I’m thrilled his goatee is back. He showed up to our grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary with a bifurcated goatee, I told him later I was pretty sure God gave him cancer just to make that stupid thing fall out) my weekend sucked so hard it automatically got bids from seventeen sororities and a cease and desist note from that weird European dude from the Dyson commercials.
Then this morning began with a lovely email from a professor telling me I made written personal attacks on another student which is laughable (ALTHOUGH I TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE because apparently the rest of my class gets their socio-political theory from the dad in So I Married an Axe Murderer) and I responded that I didn’t attack anyone either individually or as a group, although I was wise enough to omit the part about if I made “personal written attacks” on someone, by gum they would KNOW because I am JUST. THAT. GOOD.
And then my dog ate my McVitie’s.
SO I am in a rotten mood. It’s rainy (first person to make a “Rainy Days and Mondays” comment gets banned from the site and/or choked with a pair of novelty socks) those bastard pears from last week went from flavorless hockey pucks to mushy rot over the course of a weekend AND MY &*^% DOG ATE ALL MY ^%#$ SCOTTISH TREATS!!!!!!!!!!!
The main reason, nay the ONLY reason I haven’t lost my damn mind and gone on a rampage of Telling People Things They Desperately Need to Know About Themselves is because after my working lunch I sit down very quietly, pull out three McVities Digestives and a little jar of chocolate spread, put on my favorite narration of The Wind in the Willows (which is actually free) and eat my three cookies in bliss, while Mole, Toad, Ratty and especially Mister Badger convince me not to stand up in the middle of the office and perpetrating remarkable, Quentin Tarantino-level acts of violence with a green scrubby on the next person who does not EMPTY THE %$$ FOOD TRAP IN THE KITCHEN SINK I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER WERE YOU RAISED IN A BARN ARRRRRHHHHHHHH!!!!
(two cupcakes with Ativan sprinkles later)
So. Uh. As I was saying. Today’s Monday Hotness, by popular request, is newly-minted O.B.E., Alan Cumming.
So, so filthy. I would’ve died to see him in Cabaret, I never just loved Joel Grey in the role. Creepy yes, but not quite menacing enough. I love pretty much everything Cumming’s ever done which, lest we forget, includes one of the great cinematic achievements of our day…Spice World. It’s a great movie and I will burn the infidels who say otherwise.