Y’all. Oh. I..I am SO tired.
I don’t exactly know why –other than I don’t ever sleep and I don’t ever stop working and I maybe kind-of was SO tired that I SLEEP-SHOPPED yet another three scarves, a gold-plated snaffle bit PLUS a pair of riding boots (p.s., y’all knew that proper equestrian boots often come in wide calves up to 19″ right?) and God knows WHAT else although I seem to think I might have ordered a half-dozen pair of velvet riding trousers (time will tell whether they are all the SAME trouser or variations upon a theme) because apparently
OMG. What if I bought a horse? You can’t buy horses on the internet, right? My credit card company would definitely call me if I tried to buy a horse on the internet.
It’s just like that time I got dumped by the One Man I’ll Ever Really Love Who Ended Up Marrying a German Amnesiac BUT I’M FINE WITH THAT NOW and I was so distressed that this lovely and legendary LA punk rock producer had to physically take away my check book because I was about to buy a 1965 Cadillac sight unseen from a guy at a club.
Anyway, I’m not at my best today and I feel that I am very close to Telling People Things They Need To Know About Themselves which, while entertaining, would probably get me fired from this and all other jobs and that –let’s face it– would be a bit problematic in re: paying for the three damn Hermès (Hermèses?) I just bought, so I’m just going to soothe myself with a little Lyle Lovett action.
As you might recall from last week, my lovely and delightful friends Randall and Donya Stockton –owners of many successful clubs you’re not allowed to go to because then I won’t be able to get a table and there are few things I find LESS endurable than not getting a table and it’s problematic enough what with them winning all these stupid awards— treated me to a Lyle Lovett concert at Bass Concert Hall on the University of Texas campus.
I do not like the University of Texas campus.
It’s big and scary and full of girls who don’t understand that if it’s warm enough to wear fleece booty shorts IT’S NOT COLD ENOUGH FOR FUR BOOTS.
Let me put it this way: the last person I saw at Bass Concert Hall was Victor Borge. Yeah.
SO, it takes more than a pretty face to get me onto that campus.
See? I think he’s totally cute. I mean sure, technically he looks a bit like a deflated eggplant that’s well past the first blush of youth, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a hotness.
I remember being in middle school and people being scandalized that Julia Roberts had married some goofy-haired country singer and I just didn’t get it.
I can see why she liked HIM but what’s the intrigue with America’s Sweetheart?
That was of course before I realized he was an Aggie. Not that I really object to Aggies and they look awfully cute in their boots (p.s. there’s a bit of hotness to be found there, too.) but I just canNOT spend the rest of my natural life in maroon.
and besides, how could you NOT love a man who knows the importance of good haberdashery?
After all, as Mr Lovett is famous for saying, “You can have my girl, but don’t touch my hat.”