Let’s talk about muffs.

(everyone recovered from their spit takes? Good. Let’s move on.)

For some, the holidays begin at the lighting of the first advent candle, for others it’s when when Creepy Uncle Kyle hits the eggnog juuust a bit too hard and starts loitering under the mistletoe even though he’s directly related to everyone in the room. For me, it’s the annual unveiling of my vintage beaver muff.

People just don’t wear muffs anymore, and I think it’s a shame. They’re so damn handy, especially when you live somewhere where it’s not really quite cold enough to need a full proper coat, but you do need something more than gloves. I bought mine a few years ago at a now-defunct antique furrier stall at Austin Antique Mall (you can get yours on eBay or at Ruby Lane, but fair warning: be ye careful with your search terms) and people just LOVE it, in fact, it’s getting worn out from so much petting that I’ll probably have to get a new one soon, so I can rotate.

From a fashion standpoint, muffs tend to require a certain presence, which makes it one of those great pieces that are actually more successful on a big girl. Think Shelley Winters, not Shelley Duvall.

I’d suggest if you’re procuring a muff for the first time to go with a color other than white, as white tends to be both a bit infantilizing –think of the millions of little girls with their precious little white rabbit muffs– and costumey (we don’t mind referencing Dickens and Victorian Christmas carolers, but we don’t want to actually look like one) so stick with brown or black instead.

Today Miss Plumcake wants to know:

What piece of clothing/accessory signals the beginning of the holidays in your heart? It can be a current favorite –embarrassing turkey sweater anyone?– or something from your youth. I just want to know what gets your bells a-jinglin’.

Francesca reminds you to put on some music and dance!

Francesca loves the Secret Trois!

So I got some sleep and there’s no sign I’ve actually ordered a horse, which is more than a small relief.  I thought I’d give the mosaic theme a break today and treat you to a few bits o’ choreographed brill from this week’s list courtesy of Judy Garland and Rufus Wainwright.

Reading: Wise Blood by Flannery O’Conn0r. There’s no Gothic like Southern Gothic and there’s no guilt like Catholic Guilt. Besides, “no man with a good car needs to be justified”.

Watching: Summer Stock — my favorite Let’s Put on a Show musical, courtesy of Judy Garland and Gene Kelly

Hearing: Rufus Does Judy at Carnegie Hall -in a continuing theme of Saint Judy.  He lived the dream. Bastard.

Smelling: Bvlgari Black. A weird fragrance I usually save for summer, but a fine example showing not all brilliant perfumes are expensive.  You can pick up Black for under 30 bucks online or at Ross/TJ Maxx etc. The notes in Black include black rubber and tar. Before you turn up your nose, read this review from Bois de Jasmin and then go out and try it. Originally a men’s fragrance it’s being marketed to women, too which makes me think it’s gearing up for a relaunch and corresponding price hike. If you like it, get some now.

Loving: Cows N’ Things Everyone wants to help those adorable little poor children and that’s great and all, but what about the old folks? I won’t teeter up on my soap box about the way Western culture treats its elderly, because I could go on for.ev.er about it and if you want to be tediously lectured there are plenty of other places to go for that. BUT Cows n’ Things is a great charity.  You can buy chicks, a beehive, a donkey ambulance OR cataract surgery (for about 20 USD!!!) for an eldery person in developing nations throughout the world.

Hating: The concept of “being good” or “being bad” at the holidays, especially when it comes to food. It’s ridiculous to see grown damn woman smile like their mischievous toddlers whispering loudly they’re “being bad” and having another sausage ball. Listen, if you need to justify to a room of people what you’re eating AND put a moral judgment on it, your problems are a lot deeper than Bisquick-based party snacks.

Wanting: chocolate-dipped spiced apricots. Partially submerge plump dried apricots in dark chocolate and let set. Drizzle pre-dipped bits with bitter sweet or white chocolate and dust with pumpkin pie spice/warm aromatic spice of your choice. Let chill. Dead easy, makes a million and are super delicious.

Buying: Ovation Finalist Pro Field Boots with extra-wide calves (check the size chart, you may have to go with men’s extra-wides)

As anyone who was paying attention yesterday knows, through the end of today you can get any of the beautiful plus-size prom, wedding, cocktail, and other formal dresses from Sydney’s Closet at 30% off, with code THANKS09 (for orders of $99 or more).

In general the whole site is a “yes,” depending on your style and the occasion. Francesca only wishes that their site for “modest prom dresses” did not mean “we have added itty bitty sleeves. Buy formal gloves.” Some girls (and women) wish for the longer sleeves!

Anyhow, for today’s “Yes, No, Maybe,” Francesca is assuming you are a 17-18 year-old girl who seeks a floor-length gown.

YES

Francesca likes the Art Deco bodice and the unusual bronze color, for the stately girl who wishes for a mature look.

Simple and elegant, this style will flatter any figure. (Please, do your hair up and wear beautiful jewelry!)

For the young girl attracted to the Princess options. The deep hues of this dress keep it just this side of sickly-sweet toilet-paper-cover territory. Francesca loves this rich garnet color (but stay away from the Tea Rose).

NO

There is a wonderful time for this dress, and it is at the Renaissance Faire, not at the prom. EXCEPTION: If you are the superfantastic Goth Girl of Irony, and you wear this dress in black (it comes in 7 colors), because your mother insisted on a bouffant skirt, Francesca will smile at your stamp of the individuality and adherance to the letter of the law.

The yellow dress is fine, but the safari print? Just no. On an 18-year-old, this dress will look either skanky or too “out there” for the prom.

GENERAL NO:  Any dress that requires constant tugging to remain on you. Strapless gowns should fit perfectly; the yanking action every five minutes is not good. When in doubt, buy a dress with straps, or sew on pretty ones yourself.

MAYBE

Francesca can imagine this dress doing well on the superfantastic shorter girl with the very sweet personality, somone who can fill it with all the happiness and cuteness it evokes. But on the taller girl, or the more somber girl, it will just seem too 80′s.

Have a superfantastic time planning for your prom! xoxo