I’ve got a 27 year-old little brother.
He is the joy of my heart and the delight of my soul.
Unfortunately, he did not inherit the gene for fabulosity so he pretty much dresses like a homeless person, except on the rare occasion when he dresses like someone who would send a dead fish to his enemies (and no, I don’t mean he dresses like the Chief of Staff).
Now normally I wouldn’t care that much. I figure it’s just his way of coping with the grim reality that his sister is SO CLEARLY HIS SUPERIOR in almost every conceivable way except for opening jars and lifting heavy things.
Unfortunately it has become problematic because when we pose for photos together, I have to later throw myself on the mercy of my tech-savvy pals to Photoshop out his sartorial slip-ups. It would be a time and money saver to just buy him some clothes that were chosen for reasons a bit more sophisticated than “oooh shiny.”
So I thought Savile Row. Yes, as a former college football player and what Jerome K. Jerome might describe as “a well-made man of about number one size” he’d probably be better suited (see what I did there) for Italian cuts instead of English, but it is a slippery slope from nice Italian suit to wide pinstripes, shiny tie and –I’m still faint when I recall it– shiny vinyl faux-spats, and y’all, I love my brother but I just cannot go through that again.
So I went to The Savile Row Company’s online store, clickity clicked myself through to the larger sizes and saw this:
THIS is why men don’t have body issues!
While women’s advertisements are all full of “slimming” “slenderizing” and “flattering” buzzwords –plus the odious “real woman” assignation, (because apparently thin women aren’t “real”?) but men’s advertising just cuts to the chase:
If you wear these clothes you have an enormous schlong. Mere mortals wear straight size clothing but because you need EXTRA ROOM to support the infrastructure of your MASSIVE TROUSER SNAKE you get to wear these clothes.
And the model looking down clearly in adoration of his leviathan leg lad? Hi-larious.