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Oi! Listen up! | Manolo for the Big Girl

Oi! Listen up!

I’m tired and I’m working on day three of Satan’s own hangover which has assaulted my person despite the fact my total alcoholic consumption (excluding funerals, which don’t count) in the past week consists of one Black Velvet on Saturday morning and two ciders on Saint Patrick’s Day. The weather is gorgeous and I’m taking the rest of the day off.

I’m going to wax my legs, put on my new Lacroix espadrilles which are so fab it makes me want to DIE, and go out to Pork Chop Friday at Perry’s with some members of my very favorite vicious circle until I get myself into a pork coma.

THEN I’m going to go home, remove my Lacroix espadrilles along with every other stitch of clothing on my fine alabaster frame and –after appropriate sunscreen application (except on my tum, because my doctor said so)– am going to loll naked in the glorious Texas sun, unseen by human eye thanks to the Moroccan-style cabana cum casbah I CONSTRUCTED MYSELF (seriously, I drew the schematics and everything!) and have never gotten to properly enjoy.


HOWEVER:

Because I am a good blogger and love you all very much I will leave you with a parting gift. There is an enormous sale going on at Lane Bryant today, and if you use the code 000202077 you get 40% off your purchase over $100 and a whopping 50% off orders over $200. Except for Spanx, but that’s okay because Spanx suck, especially on Pork Chop Friday.

I am particularly fond of:

sequined skirt
Fab little sequined skirt you’ll own for a million years

This is what happens. You buy this skirt now, but you think you’ll never wear it. Until you get called for cocktails or a nice reception or have a hot date, and you just grab it and toss on a dead simple ivory cashmere top, or a simple shell and maybe a great colored long cardi and you look fabulous and effortless and you spent about three seconds figuring out to wear. This you will do again and again for the next decade.

brushstroke skirt
Painterly dirndl skirt

This reminds me of the stuff YSL and Prada have been doing the past few summers. There’s been a lot of this dirndl business around lately, and I like it. Granted it’s not the most slimming choice, but it’s not as embiggening as you might think, and besides who cares? If that’s the only thing you worry about then just buy a million black a-line dresses, get them tailored and find another hobby.

harem pants

Harem-esque pants

I KNOW none of you are going to be on board with this one but I don’t care because I’m going to be so hopped up on porcine goodness that I will suffer the slings and arrows OF YOUR TOTAL WRONGNESS in beatific bliss. If you take a look at the picture of them in olive on the site, you’ll see it’s not really a dropped waist and they have these incredible side pleats on the side for drape without a ton of added fullness. I love them.

sarong

Sarong pants

I am admittedly a little less sure about these but I’ve seen them deployed really well and I’m just so curious.This whole Left Bank by way of Malaga, Rossy De Palma in the late 80’s vibe feels so fresh to me right now. I want to wear them with a slim cut gauze top and some really slick caramel leather bracelets.

retro swimsuit
Algerian blue  swimsuit

Love. It. LOVE IT. This is a broad-shouldered pear’s dream suit as it balances everything out visually and still is interesting, and, Thanks be to God, doesn’t try to suck you in and up and down and every way to Sunday like so many plus size suits. It’s on my very short list of possible swimtogs for an upcoming girls’ weekend in Las Vegas for poolside lounging.

IN CONCLUSION:

Me = naked and happy and full of pork chop
These Clothes = fabulous and on epic sale
You = shopping, possibly also naked and happy and full of pork chop, but the point is, I won’t be here to think or hear about it. I’ll catch you on the flipside.

10 Responses to “Oi! Listen up!”

  1. Frances March 19, 2010 at 9:57 am #

    I’d wear sequined palazzo pants if only I could find them, so that sequined skirt is pretty much the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. And the sarong pants, yes please! The world needs more unusual trousers.

    I must know, though, why no sunscreen on the tum?

  2. ChloeMireille March 19, 2010 at 11:21 am #

    I need that sequined skirt SO BAD! because I’m going to a piano bar next Friday. Stupid bills.

  3. Lisa March 19, 2010 at 11:56 am #

    Re: the sarong pants. I. Love. Them. Love. Love. Love. Can’t wear them, unfortunately, but it does not stop my love.

    Have a great day off.

  4. La Petite Acadienne March 19, 2010 at 11:59 am #

    Now I want to be naked, happy and full of pork chop.

    But, I am clad, sporting an armful of gold bangles and the best smoky eye I have ever done, and eagerly anticipating seeing a certain Mister Henry Rollins tonight.

    So that’s not bad.

    But that sequined skirt would have made it even better. I bet Henry would have noticed the sequined skirt and would have been impressed.

  5. Rosa March 19, 2010 at 2:50 pm #

    Why not the sunscreen on the tum? Seriously, I want to know – does it have to do with all the internal organs: same reason massage is discouraged on that area? Won’t expect your answer, of course, until you are full, sunned and rested!

  6. jen209 March 19, 2010 at 3:10 pm #

    That swimsuit is darling, but I can only imagine the tan line one would get from it! Though, I shouldn’t let that stop me, because I shouldn’t let myself get tan lines anyway…

  7. Plumcake March 19, 2010 at 11:38 pm #

    No sunscreen on the tum because I’ve got serious Vitamin D deficiency (as in, I’m on Rx supplements, eat a ton of dairy and it’s still not enough) so I’m absorbing as much vitamin D as I can through my skin.

  8. SusanC March 20, 2010 at 2:47 pm #

    Ok, I’m seriously thinking of getting that black sequined skirt. Anyone have any advice on how sequined skirts/pants/sarongs hold up to being sat down upon? I’m slightly worried about snags and other hazards of actually sitting down in be-sequined bottoms. And if you do lose a sequin, is it pretty easy to do a repair job that looks competent, and not like a 2nd grade craft project?

  9. Plumcake March 20, 2010 at 2:52 pm #

    I have used and abused my sequined cocktail dress for years, in fact, when I’m traveling it’s the only cocktail dress I take because you can just beat the hell out of it. Sure you might lose a sequin here or there, but no one will notice. It’s like losing an eyelash. I’ve never had any snagging issues, but if you want to play it safe, don’t wear very delicate hosiery.

  10. raincoaster March 20, 2010 at 4:48 pm #

    I don’t know about sitting on it, but I’ve got a lambswool paillette-sequinned cardigan that I toss over an LBD and more than one fashion photographer has complimented me on it. In fact, the best fashion photographer in the city came up to me at a party and told me that I was the best-dressed woman there. This is me wearing a $40 crepe dress and a $15 secondhand sequinned cardigan. It loses one or two every time I take it out, but it’s got hundreds, so who cares? It’s also a big, messy look as opposed to a very flat series of stripes, which helps.