So I’m gonna be honest folks, I got nothin.
I don’t have any glamorous weekend plans, I don’t have any exciting stories I can tell other than an ill-fated quasi set-up with a 22 year-old at a benefit on Tuesday, except he was really sweet and reminded me of my little brother so I feel bad making fun of him (of this kid, not of my brother. I love making fun of my brother. I told him God gave him cancer because he hates his stupid goatee) but honestly, if you are a 22 year-old boy (and a very nice one at that) there is just no way you are physically, emotionally, experientially or financially ready this jelly.
This weekend I have purposefully scheduled precisely nothing although I might, if I’m feeling ambitious, exfoliate. Other than that I plan on lounging around topless in the cabana listening to Chet Baker and drinking coconut drinks, because I bought this damn coconut and by GOD I’m going to pour booze in it if it’s the last thing I do.
I’d also kind of like to go to a petting zoo, because I have an overwhelming urge to snuggle some lambkins, but it’s one of those things where you kind of need to go with a kid, because otherwise you’re the grown up macking on the livestock, and despite what you might have heard, that sort of thing is frowned upon in Texas.
In conclusion, WHERE’S BEA?