Archive - April, 2010

In which Plumcake totally phones it in

So I’m gonna be honest folks, I got nothin.

I don’t have any glamorous weekend plans, I don’t have any exciting stories I can tell other than an ill-fated quasi set-up with a 22 year-old at a benefit on Tuesday, except he was really sweet and reminded me of my little brother so I feel bad making fun of him (of this kid, not of my brother. I love making fun of my brother. I told him God gave him cancer because he hates his stupid goatee) but honestly, if you are a 22 year-old boy (and a very nice one at that) there is just no way you are physically, emotionally, experientially or financially ready this jelly.

This weekend I have purposefully scheduled precisely nothing although I might, if I’m feeling ambitious, exfoliate. Other than that I plan on lounging around topless in the cabana listening to Chet Baker and drinking coconut drinks, because I bought this damn coconut and by GOD I’m going to pour booze in it if it’s the last thing I do.

I’d also kind of like to go to a petting zoo, because I have an overwhelming urge to snuggle some lambkins, but it’s one of those things where you kind of need to go with a kid, because otherwise you’re the grown up macking on the livestock, and despite what you might have heard, that sort of thing is frowned upon in Texas.

In conclusion, WHERE’S BEA?

Reader Poll: Crystal Renn’s new shoot, do we care? (NSFW links)

So let me ask you all a question. This whole Crystal Renn Paris Vogue pubic hair kerfuffle, do we care about it?

Because although I get paid pretty well for this gig, I certainly don’t get paid enough to spend time contemplating someone else’s personal topiary unless there is great public demand for it.

For those of you unfamiliar with the story, basically she took her pants off for some Carene Roitfeld-directed shoot in Paris Vogue to reveal what is almost certainly one of the finest merkins ever committed to a mainstream editorial glossy, and I kind of don’t care.

renn's May Paris Vogue shoot

Because it’s like this: Crystal Renn is a great model. Full stop. I don’t mean a great plus-size model, I mean a great model, Dovima great, and I’m not even one of her fans. She’s got that killer clavicle and her bone structure is amazing and she is magic in front of a camera. She’s a fashionable flavor and can pretty much be considered a mainstream feature in editorials, and that’s great. I’m happy for her because I’m happy to see ANY diversity in the fashion industry, but now that she IS mainstream, can we stop following her every move? Please?

I get so tired of the sound and fury over Renn as supposed big girl role model. She’s not. She’s a model. Does she represent the average plus-size woman? No. And guess what, Linda Evanglista doesn’t represent the average straight-sized woman either. They are gorgeous freaks of nature. Honestly I’m just glad we’re getting back to visually interesting models, because this army of uniformly skeletal 16 year-olds with hard, anonymous faces is boring me to death.

So do I feel validated as a big girl when I see Crystal Renn topless with countable ribs and an extraordinarily bad Cleopatra wig?

No, not really. What about when she’s on all fours with her butt in the wind machine? Nope, not then either. But that’s okay, that’s not her job.

Her job is to visually tell whatever story the creative director of a particular editorial shoot wants to tell, just like any other model and if that involves showing off an impressively cultivated (although almost certainly fake: models, as a rule, don’t have public hair) pantyforest, so be it. I don’t care.

NSFW links here.

Pass4sure – http://www.pass4sure.com/CCNP-Voice.html
Realtests – http://www.realtests.com/exam/642-262.htm
Test-king – http://www.test-king.com/exams/70-680.htm
Certkiller – http://www.certkiller.com/CCNP-certification-training.htm
Examsheets – http://www.examsheets.com/exam/199-01.htm

Five Great Lessons From Finishing School: pt 5, Meeting (the same) New People

It is never,  never  nice to meet me.

What, never?

No, never.

What, never?

Hardly ever.

Let me paint you a little picture. Last night I was the guest at a excruciatingly swank benefit in support of Conspirare, a wonderful vocal ensemble based right here in the City of the Violet Crown and was doing the regular huggy kissy smoochy schmoozy thing you do when you’re at that sort of shindig and you’ve given up deflowering busboys for Lent. I was teetering around on my recently rediscovered pony hair and crocodile Zanottis, looking good and feeling gorgeous as one so often does and making the social rounds.

Zanotti pony hair scoop wedge sandals

I bump into a familiar face. Now, this isn’t someone I know well, but he is a colleague and we’ve walked in and out of the same building roughly the same time for the past seven years. We’ve shared copy editors (not in the biblical sense) and had a conversation or two. I know, for example, we hail from the same hometown.

“Mike, how are you?!”

“Hi! I’m Mike Lastname, nice to meet you.”

See right there? That was a fail. Unless you know for a gospel truth there is no possible way you have never met this person anywhere before — not in college, not at the post office, not in a police lineup as a suspect for carving “Rowan Hearts Plumcake” on the great doors of Canterbury Cathedral EVEN THOUGH IT’S TOTALLY TRUE– you do NOT say “nice to meet you.”

Why?

Let’s return to our story:
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The Sincerest Form of Flattery

It looks like it’s time for me to practice what I preached early last week about how to take a compliment, seeing as it seems I was paid a big one in the sincerest form by both Kate Harding and Jezebel who chose to write about the selfsame relatively unusual subject, mere days after your pal Plummy did. I am truly humbled.

Of course it’s probably a coincidence, like the coincidence that neither the comment I made nor the one from Manolo mentioning this weensy coinkydink made it onto Kate Harding’s site or on Jezebel. Or the coincidence of probable duel site-wide outages that prevented acknowledgment from Jezebel or KH after Manolo’s emails (I believe Manolo wanted to get their input).

Feel free to read both their articles, but if for some reason you feel you’ve had enough on that particular lesson, let me recommend another piece: Ms Harding’s Handy Guide to Not Plagiarizing (language warning there, lambkins.) Apropos of nothing, of course.

So Lazy It Didn’t Even Happen on Monday Lazy Monday Poll

Good morning my little snickerdoodles, how’s every little thing? What’s been going on in your week?

In all the excitement over that “excess cleavage” yesterday I completely forgot to do a Lazy Monday Poll!

To recap from last week, it took a big girl village to help Orora find a pair of inexpensive interview shoes with a mid-heel –she went with the Bandolino “Berry”:

Bandolino Berry

Jen209 planted a seed in my little noggin about a feature on Bonmarche Swimdresses, which I’m working on for either this week or next. Has anyone ever noticed how ugly most swimsuits are? Really. Wow.

On the less formal side of things, Teteatete proudly displayed her new favorite t-shirt, emblazoned with what can only be described as a Discopus (a sparkly octopus) and of course I had to have a lie down because even after the first Scotch of the day, I cannot deal with glittery cephalopods as a fashion choice (though I embrace her right to wear anything she loves that much).

Our beloved Beth just flew in from Paris (and boy are her arms tired…sorry, couldn’t resist) as we discussed her delightful experience at the Serge Lutens boutique at Les Salons du Palais Royal Shiseido, which only made me want to throttle her from jealous a TEENSYTINYWHOLELOT bit. La Petite Acadienne and Jennifer –among others– pitched in with their own trials and vials. Of course, there was a side discussion of Moroccan men (who I’ve noticed especially favor Chergui) and their hotness and enthusiasm for the big girl.

I am extremely in favor of Hot Moroccan Guys and think every girl ought to have one.

Whitney
traded her man some home baked goodies for a piece of art nouveau jewelry, which is all well and good but I’m a little disappointed that “pineapple upside down cake” was, in fact, an actual cake and not some complicated bedroom maneuver.

So I’ve been thinking about this boobquake thing, and I’m torn…

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I think ABC Suspects We’re All Terrorists

Oh my GOSH you guys, I can’t believe ANYONE would think ABC  could POSSIBLY be setting a double standard by refusing to run Lane Bryant’s new lingerie commercial –citing “excessive cleavage”– during Dancing With the Stars!

It’s so simple!

THIS is okay:

DWTS6

THIS is not:

lane-bryant-ad

I mean DUH.

Not convinced? Fine, let’s have another example.

This is obviously totally appropriate family viewing:

DWTS5

DWTS3

THIS is like forcing your nana to make out with Bin Laden:

Lane Bryant Ad 2
BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE… (more…)

You Have Spoken… and I’m Listening

From the reader response to my query of yesterday, it would appear that I’ve been overdoing the food angle for the taste of many of you. Thanks for being honest with me, folks. I really do appreciate it.

So, in light of that, Recipe of the Week is going on hiatus and Food Friendly May will be a no go this year.

Will I still write about food and cooking? Yes I will. Will I do it as often? No I won’t.

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