The Death of Cute
By PlumcakeBack when I was a Deeply Misunderstood middle schooler, I remember spending a good deal of time feeling righteously indignant because those fools (read: 8th grade boys) didn’t appreciate my Advanced Glamor. I might show up to school in my nana’s mink stole –heads and feet attached, natch– or a beret/scowl/neckerchief combination a la Ninotchka complete with enthusiastically, if not attractively, plucked eyebrows for the total Garbo package:
Only to have the boys chase these boring girls who wore OP tee-shirts with their Esprit madras shorts and pneumatic ponytails.
It made no sense.
Here I was, categorically fabulous in intent if not application (we shall not discuss The Summer of The Purple Lipstick) and I was getting nada in the way of pre-adolescent admiration. I complained –as I so often did– about the general stupidity of people who were not me to my grandmother. She took a drag off one of the many Benson and Hedges she had smoldering at any given moment, exhaled and said:
“Don’t worry. Cute doesn’t age well.”
And my friends, I have held onto that little gin-soaked kernel of truth ever since.
Not only does it provide many delightful moments of Facebook schadenfreude, it keeps me on my toes when it comes to my wardrobe.
Now we use “cute” in a lot of ways, so maybe I ought to be more specific. I’m talking cutesy.
I have a problem with cutesy.
Cutesy doesn’t get the promotion. Cutesy doesn’t get respect.
Blah blah blah shouldn’t matter what I wear blah blah I prove myself through my intelligence blah blah antifeminist tyranny of painful shoes blah.
Sure, fine. And you’re right, in a perfect world it shouldn’t matter what we wear. We would ride unicorns to work, park them under the cupcake tree, get Peter O’Toole Memorial Drunk and play with kittens all day.
But riddle me this:
Which one of these women makes the coffee?
But maybe you say it’s an unfair comparison. Jimmy Choos are hundreds of dollars, come in perilously high heels and only one width.
Okay, let’s play again:
Even with an equivalently priced shoe –with the same heel height and available in a variety of widths– I’m still going to ask Mary Jane to be a lamb and fetch pastries for the meeting.
If you don’t mind being Mary Jane, fine. There’s a woman in my office who happily makes the coffee every day and that’s peachy, although I’d rather burn off my fingerprints with acid than make coffee for a male colleague. Just be aware of the message you send and make sure it’s the one you want people to hear.
May 6th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
Aww, aww! I am wounded to the core, as you are using my beloved Sofft Calypsos as a counterexample!
On the other hand, let me give you my own counterexample. What if Mary Jane is privy to all sorts of exciting inside gossip about the company because she’s just. so. trustworthy and wouldn’t hurt a fly? Or perhaps she is eminently capable of doing absolutely everything and knowing everybody, which she can do because her feet don’t hurt and she can move more quickly? And what if Stiletto Lady doesn’t get invited to gatherings after work because she is aloof and icy?
I get where you’re going. Finding my own assertiveness is tough enough without bringing coordinated outfits with hidden meaning into the picture. I am wearing my formalwear today: jeans, plain brown top and Dansko Professionals instead of red sneakers. I can get away with that in my current office. I wouldn’t be so lucky elsewhere, and you can bet I know it. I am horribly underaccessorized and would like to be more “put-together” as I move up the ladder, but it’s just not happening right now.
I applaud the desire to be more aware of what we wear and how we’re perceived, and I agree that we need to push for our work to be noticed more than our looks. but it goes both ways… and personally, I prefer being silent but deadly ;)
May 6th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
I have yet to figure out Sofft. I have a friend who simply loves them, and the two pairs of flats I have of theirs have viciously attacked my feet and gone into the Goodwill bin. I’ve never been able to stuff my feet into Jimmy Choos either, much to my sadness, or Manolo Blahnik–far too narrow.
May 6th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
i was going to say that those Sofft shoes were cute. I have arch problems so spindly heels and flat-flats don’t work for me.
May 6th, 2010 at 3:07 pm
Oh, as to the aesthetic. I think the tendency is to assume that fat women are “motherly” or “nice” and “giving” anyway, so that there’s not much that is going to give people the impression that you are “aloof” or “icy.” Cutesy I do think is a problem for big girls largely because we are relentlessly told that we are supposed to be pleasing to others.
When I was a consultant, I cultivated a kd lang look that I think really worked for me. I wore very very very expensive men’s shoes, largely because I really did need freedom of moment and looks (I had go from meetings to construction sites). I had the best pair of wingtips. It confused people, but because I am such an hourglass and so feminine looking in the face, it worked for me, too. At least I think it did.
May 6th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
You are so right, Plumcake! I recently took a ‘making the coffee’ secretarial job instead of staying in my field because I was on the road too much to raise my children as a single parent. Here, I can get away with cute, when I want to. (Not Mary Janes.)
But if I’m gonna be making coffee and serving pastries at a meeting, it is with irony, often wearing a 50s style shirtwaist dress and apron. Or like today, when I came dressed as Dolly Parton in 9 to 5, complete with a 2 foot tall blonde wig.
I don’t pretend for one second though that I’m not aware of the messages I’m sending.
May 6th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Oh wow. Blending style and feminism is a tricky topic. You, your grandma, the guys and Mary Jane all have valid points.
You had style back in the day–cool! Look where it’s taken you!
Your grandma had a point. How cute are your old classmates these days?
Guys of any age like clothes they understand. I’ve got lots of guys in my family so hear me out. Jeans, t-shirts, ponytails are understandable. Scarves with faces are too weird. I once had my best friend complain that her hubby liked the brown sweater I gave him for Christmas more then the mauve sweater she gave him. She grew up in a family with lots of women, therefore the different perspective on clothing.
I would not count out Mary Jane. Her flowered shoes do have sensible heels. She needs these to keep her going as she’s making coffee (she may be craving a cup herself), doing her job and studying so she can keep on climbing up the ranks.
Have a good one. Gotta find some coffee…
May 6th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
I could wear the shoe and just tell the person who asks me to make the coffee no – politely, of course. Or would the conflicting message of flowers and assertiveness make heads explode?
May 6th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
With wide feet and a bad ankle, the pointy-toe/pointy-heel shoes are funamentally non-wearable for me. Admittedly the flower on the Sofft shoes is overkill, but I think the plain Mary Jane is quite wearable in a professional environment. Especially one like mine, which is tech-oriented and full of engineers wearing sandals. They look askance at anything too high-style, but can get behind something that is more about function.
May 6th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Shrug. I’d wear the red shoes, although I don’t love the flower. I’d never leave the house in the black ones. I don’t wear black, I don’t do pointy, I walk everywhere in a cobble-stoned city. But you better believe that nobody except my mother could ask me to make coffee or call me cute and live to tell about it.
May 6th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Going too cutesy in the office is just as bad as going too sexy/slutty. And it doesn’t have to be stilettos, either – a sophisticated pair of flats will project a much more competent image than cutesy-poo flowered mary janes (or any other sort of infantilizing footwear).
Full disclosure: I work in a sausage fest – I mean, high tech – where pretty much any display of obvious femininity marks you as an outsider. I’ve found the best way to blend in while still retaining my individual style is to stick with flattering, but not revealing, basics. Today I’m wearing a pair of trouser jeans, a tank top layered under a spring green v-neck, a fitted brown blazer, and a pair of leopard print flats. Comfortable enough to crawl under a desk if I need to, but I still feel feminine and confident enough to hit the gallery crawl after work without changing.
May 6th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
The head of my company’s state operations wore the shoes with the flower to a site inspection.
She’s pretty badass and while the shoes were cute, she does not come across as cute. The right attitude can carry some pieces.
May 6th, 2010 at 5:29 pm
@Lex. Exactly right. I wear flats to work most days, but they’re never cutesy.
@cedar and nerf, I used the mid-heel pumps as an example because of the equivalent heel height and width availability. It’s certainly not the only option.
@Lisa “Cutesy I do think is a problem for big girls largely because we are relentlessly told that we are supposed to be pleasing to others.” EXACTLY.
May 6th, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Wonderful, Plumcake! Thank you.
Did you add “elastic insert stretches” to that photo? For some reason, it makes me snigger, and completely seals the deal on that photo making your point!
May 6th, 2010 at 6:53 pm
I think people are taking your examples too literally. You can wear comfortable flats without being cutesy, people!
There was a period when I was around 18/19 where I wore a few cutesy clothes (lightning bolt shaped earrings, sequined rainbow flats, pink ruffled skirts, etc) but those days are long gone.
Cutesy strikes me as insipid and boring.
Deliberately quirky is also pretty bad. The painted floral clogs, renfair corset and rainbow hair just strike me as desperate, like a whiny teenager who still needs everyone to recognize what an special individual she is.
May 6th, 2010 at 7:17 pm
Those flower shoes were my wedding shoes, except in blue. And I was one sexy, fierce bride in them, thanks so much. :D
I went over 10 years locked into a “coffee and pastry girl” position no matter what shoe I wore, or what suit I wore or did not wear, or my other efforts (changing companies, more degrees, more projects, volunteering, etc. etc. etc.). You can project a strong, polished image like Maria Callas on the stage of the Met, but when you’re in that kind of professional position, my personal experience is that nobody gives a damn unless it affects how fast they can get their expense report reimbursed.
Getting people to consider me for a promotion didn’t take changing my shoes. It took changing industries and working for people who actually considered my educational background. Now the standard shoe in my business is “closed toe, covered with a bootie.” But I do keep my shoes polished and use fresh booties as needed.
PS – Plumcake, you are my daily acidic ray of sunshine!
May 6th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
I have to agree. Cutesy doesnt normally go over well. Well said and well written. It sucks but it is the truth.
May 6th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
I’m with Plumcake: don’t take cute to the office. There’s plenty of room for cute, if you’re so inclined, in the rest of your life, but at the office? Nope. And, no, the right image is not sufficient to get where you want to go professionally, but it does help.
I do have a pair of non-cutesy mid-heel Sofft pumps (no flower!) that are the most comfortable heels I own. I guess it depends on your feet whether they work for you.
May 6th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
The problem here, I think, is the round toe with a bow thing going on. I hate round toe shoes, I plot the death of round toe shoes.
Then again, I hate cute. Except kittens. kittens are ok, just not printed on your top.
This is a subject that needs a LOT more elaboration.
May 6th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
Wear flowery shoes and carry a whip or ouzie…. Power is attitude…
May 6th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
I think you may have your cutesy meter set a little high. I’m not a floral kind of girl but I can see a seriously tough business woman using shoes like the Sofft ones to soften up a severe suit or add a little bit of personality, though a plain shoe without the strap would be more formal/professional.
Being short, fat in a pretty tough field (with an emphasis on attractiveness for its female members) I’m always wary about coming off as too stereotypically feminine or juvenile. I tend to skip excessive ruffles, low necklines, rhinestones always, and excessive florals, but I don’t see how wearing a practical shoe diminishes my power. I’m not tottering around on a narrow heel for anyone, regardless of the height. In my experience, it is exactly the girls who make the coffee that wear knock-off versions of those Jimmy Choos. Fair or not, that girl is usually hired in part because of her sex appeal and is generally seen as caring more about her appearance than the job. The women with the corner office? They tend to default to unremarkable block heel pumps.
May 6th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
I wonder if shoes are an especially sensitive place to take “cutesy” on? If Plumcake had put a kitten sweater or a baby doll style dress up there I would have been all on board. I have no tolerance for cutesy clothes. But comfy shoes can be a lifestyle requirement. (flowers on said shoes, of course, are not) I wear mary jane/t-strap style shoes most of the time, because I’ve found they stay on my feet and don’t give me blisters. I have yet to find a pair of ballet flats I can say that about, let alone pumps. I’ve found that the imperfections of the world are much more bearable if my feet don’t hurt.
May 6th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
I’m not crazy about the flower on the shoes, but I’m not crazy about anything too fussy looking. I like beautiful shoes for off hours, but I do insist on comfortable shoes for work. I work in a job where I have to move around and be ACTIVE (I’m talking crawling under desks or up on ladders, or even underneath cars on occasion, for heaven’s sake); it’s not like I’m going to be tripping around on high heels like Cinderella. I am (sucessfully) self employed though, so luckily I wear whatever I darn well please. But I agree about cutesy. It’s not a good look if you’re over the age of five.
May 6th, 2010 at 11:23 pm
I was a 25 year old lawyer in a traditional firm in the nineties. (Read sexist) I did the high-heeled expensive pumps. The men were confused. The secretaries liked my clothes, and after some initial distrust, liked that I dressed fashion forward and cool. But if the flower shoes are you—then that can work too. I think it just depends on a great sense of sytle and courtesy to others.
May 6th, 2010 at 11:31 pm
Some of us can’t help the cute — the good Lord gave me a face that screams “Kittens and rainbows and soft puppy dogs” and blonde curly hair with a mind of its own… no amount of fierce or meswear-inspired fashion is going to change that. In fact, I’ve tried structured and sleek and it makes me look like I’m trying way too hard. I’m happy to make the coffee, sure, but you’re (las in YOU, Plummy, second to last paragraph) going to ask me to based on the shoes or clothes I wear? That’s a little weird.
May 7th, 2010 at 12:18 am
I don’t make coffee, but I’d wear the hell out of those shoes.
Not with nude hose, though. Tights or pants.
I love a good Mary Jane because they stay on my feet. I’m past the age where I could reasonably be dismissed as “cute,” at least at the office. I’ve spent a long time cultivating a work persona that’s competent, knowledgeable, and slightly intimidating. And I don’t think those shoes are going to undermine that unless I go cutesy with the rest of the outfit.
May 7th, 2010 at 12:43 am
Just out of curiosity, Plummy, what do you think of Fluevogs in general? I find them immensely appealing in their mixture of classic and “off”. I really, really want a pair someday. The only trick is finding a style that doesn’t have a 4-inch heel.
May 7th, 2010 at 6:24 am
At the consulting firm where I worked for 30 years, the professionals dressed casually (including wearing their running shorts through the afternoon after working out at lunch time) while the “production assistants” dressed exquisitely. My area manager, a very snappy dresser, told his wife after his first visit to the place: “They’re all very nice, but they come to work in their pajamas.”
OTOH, nobody ever told anybody to make coffee for them! One young whippersnapper at a meeting asked the production assistant to get coffee and while we all cringed the vice president said, “Stay here, I’ll get it.”
May 7th, 2010 at 7:35 am
I think you can do comfortable without doing cute. My shoes are very “meh” – flats with a small detail, loafers, my new Naturalizer (oh yeah) t-straps, and low, broad-heeled sandals. The t-straps flirt with cute but the rest are just neutrally boring. (I work in tech, too, and while I really respect the work our admins do, I do tire of being mistaken for one just because OMG feminine. Also, I insist that I be able to walk a mile in any shoe I own.) Someone with more style than me could surely scare up shoes that are comfortable, stylish and not cute.
(My cowboy boots, on the other hand, are comfortable and rock. I just avoid the loopier, cutesier designs they push at women and never tuck my pants into them.)
May 7th, 2010 at 9:06 am
I make the coffee because I DRINK the vast majority of the coffee. And I do cute, but mostly (hello, Geogrrl) Fluevog cute. I’m lucky enough to work in the type of office and the sort of role (creative) where I can pretty much wear whatever the hell I please, and I’m allergic to ambition and have nonetheless achieved a position with the ideal combination of grownup wages and no managerial duties.
People mostly judge me for the stuffed crow in my office rather than my clothes for some reason, anyhow. But if they want to judge me on my shoes, or the soy denim (soy? that’s what the label says) balloon skirt I happen to be wearing today, they’re welcome. I dress to amuse myself, primarily, but I don’t mind amusing others. I’m just eternally grateful that I don’t have to stuff myself into corporate drag or Jimmy Choos (borrrr-ing) all day every day.
May 7th, 2010 at 11:07 am
I try to balance style with professionalism. I’m a scientist in an outdoorsy town so having even a modicum of stylishness would cause me to stand out. I dress up more than most of my colleagues (at least until I go to Europe–then I fit right in) but I try to keep it on the “adult” side because as a short, blond woman, I’ve got cute just ready to bust out all on its own.
May 7th, 2010 at 11:18 am
In my experience, it is exactly the girls who make the coffee that wear knock-off versions of those Jimmy Choos. Fair or not, that girl is usually hired in part because of her sex appeal and is generally seen as caring more about her appearance than the job. The women with the corner office? They tend to default to unremarkable block heel pumps.
precisely what i was about to post, though with “taryn rose” rather than “unremarkable”.
May 7th, 2010 at 12:40 pm
I think we can all agree that each office has a culture, and part of that culture is an unspoken dress code. I take Plumcake’s point to be “Dress appropriately for your environment.” Yes, notice the sucessful women’s uniform (and at a large-ish place, I guarantee there is one) and emulate it. Also notice the unsuccessful uniform, and stay away from that.
Yes, of course there are exceptions – but the thing about these exceptions is that these people are generally so good at their jobs, so talented, so … well … exceptional, that they can get away with it. Most of us can’t.
May 7th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Oh, what a fun post! Really enjoyed it–was a bit upset at first because I’ve purchased and enjoyed a few pair of Sofft (not the flowered ones) but I get Plumcake’s point. One of the commenters said if you are stuck in a “get the coffee and pastries” position to move to a new position. And I second that! Even in this economy. It’s the ONLY way–vote with your feet! I did it, from the mid 1970′s (when there was a FIERCE recession) through early 1990′s–had about 20 jobs. And learned something new in each one, and the next job built on the skills learned in the last job. Now I’m in my dream job and still learning new stuff each day–and making a difference in the field of education and media. Do not be afraid to move on and move up!
May 7th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
I’m cute, blond and wear mary janes every day to work. The look on men’s faces when I open my mouth and they realize I’m no Doris Day is priceless.
May 7th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I can’t do cutesy because I am not cutesy. I haven’t been cutesy since 3d grade. I like to be a little stylish but I my terms. I love the look of jeans with a semi-fitted black t-shirt, boots and accessories. I wear mostly classic clothes at work. My daughter is almost 9 and she is developing a similar type of dress, her look is modern, clean lines and lots of graphic tshirts. As a mom I woul like to see her in more girly stuff but that is just not her. For now she has flair, I would not like to see her turn into the grunge person I was. I try to give her fashion guidance but the choice is mostly hers. At some point it will be all hers.
I love hearing about “delierately quirky” and “infantilizing footwear” I guess because I am in to neither and like it being explained and deconstructed.
OK the coffee making – does this still actually happen? I guess it does – yuk. I work in corporate America and that kind of thing doesn’t happen here. The sexism is very subtle and under the radar here.
May 7th, 2010 at 6:27 pm
I’m with Nerf and Lex. I’m a technical sales engineer.
I have the Sofft Calypsos in black, and with black slacks they allow me to do customer meetings and crawl under desks. I keep moving most of the day.
But when I have a sales call or customer training session I will bust out the dark red snake skin heels, and get compliments all day long.
I think there’s a place for both.
May 8th, 2010 at 1:29 am
As someone who ‘is a lamb and gets pastries for the meeting’ (i never have and never shall make coffee), I have to say that I resent the implication that I’m some addlepated lackey who gets a pat on the head and a “bless her heart” when she’s out of earshot.
I wear cardigans with trousers and flats, the occasional silk top. I don’t wear suits; my corporate environment doesn’t dictate anything more than my aforementioned uniform. I do not wear heels because I walk a lot at work. You know, rushing about, doing all the stuff my boss hired me to do. All with the knowledge that at first I didn’t even get this job because I wasn’t thin and blonde enough. So while I’m finishing my master’s and trying to make my way out of the secretarial quagmire, when i do become a boss? You can bet your sweet bippy I won’t be smirking at the support staff whose thankless job it is to make my job easier.
May 8th, 2010 at 10:01 am
Several of the Sofft styles, including this one, have a 40′s vibe to them. I don’t see these as “cutesy”, I see them as invoking a vintage style. It is helpful to have many of the commenters note that this brand of shoes is actually comfortable. I know that’s what the company asserts – but (sorry) many companies misrepresent this point.
May 8th, 2010 at 11:27 am
I’m a children’s librarian and I feel like I fight this war daily. When you work with children (either as a teacher, a day-care worker or a kiddie librarian), there’s this odd sort of pressure to dress in a cute way (see: holiday or character sweaters and jumpers) but I refuse. I am a professional. I have a masters degree and in a few years, I want to be running a department. I am not going to dress like a five year old just because I’m serving 5-year-olds. I think there’s an argument with people who dress cutesy that they want to express their personality which I think is total crap. I am a children’s librarian–I am fun, nice, goofy and smiley. I wear bright colors and statement jewelry but the bright items are in structured basics balanced with neutral pants or jackets and my jewelry, while big and flashy, is not something that looks like my 6-year-old niece would wear and I never overload it.
May 8th, 2010 at 2:42 pm
ruck put it well above:
“I think we can all agree that each office has a culture, and part of that culture is an unspoken dress code. I take Plumcake’s point to be ‘Dress appropriately for your environment.’ Yes, notice the successful women’s uniform (and at a large-ish place, I guarantee there is one) and emulate it. Also notice the unsuccessful uniform, and stay away from that.”
There are several hundred different industry and corporate cultures clotheswise in New York City alone, never mind nationwide or God help us globally. There are settings where that Sofft, flower and all, would carry more “seriousness” than a quality stiletto and where a big ugly black clog or hiking shoe would trump either of them. The point is to be awake, know where you are, what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.
May 8th, 2010 at 4:44 pm
There were a lot of posts talking about comfy shoes that aren’t round toe or cutesy.
I searched for 2 years to find a rubber soled ballet flat in metallic with a little bit of lift and a tapered toe that wouldn’t eat my weirdly sensitive feet. I tried Cole Haan, Clarks, etc. I found a pair, by Arche, that are a dream. They are tapered, neutral and don’t hurt ANYTHING which is a miracle.They also have a cool looking bootie that I’ll get soon for fall.
Apropos of nothing, Plum could you do a post on summer dressing? I know you discussed at length linen pieces, which was excellent and should be added to the textbooks of all graduting classes, but now is the time where I see people on line at the post office and supermarket in a bathing suit with a transparent cover-up, or while in Europe, see people in tank tops and short shorts trying to get into churches.
That was a really long sentence.
May 9th, 2010 at 6:31 pm
Although I have and still support Plumcake’s original point about dressing for success, I don’t take it completely literally and do wonder… are their still corporations in which one can start as a secretary and work one’s way to the top? That seems to be a corporate stereotype among people who don’t work in corporations.
But in the places I’ve worked, the only big career shift one can make is from worker bee to management. Other than that one case, engineers generally only become better engineers, administrative staff only becomes better administrative staff, sales people only become better sales people, accountants only become better accountants, etc. The only way to change your career is to retrain and then come back. I don’t know anyone who just ups and changes careers because they start dressing differently.
May 9th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
@ wildflower: From what I’ve witnessed, yes, there are corporations where an administrative staff member can work his or her way up to a middle or senior management position.
May 10th, 2010 at 1:00 am
@ wildflower: I didn’t take “the one who makes the coffee” as a secretary who isn’t moving up, but rather the type of situation where you have a co-hort of junior professional types. Some of them will shine and move up whereas others just get ignored and asked to do things that are categorically not part of their job description–make coffee, sent out someone else’s mail, etc. Though my particular field also happens to be one that divides heavily between professional men and paraprofessional women. It’s getting better, but I have to put forward extra effort to avoid getting sorted in the wrong professional category strictly because of my gender (in social situations–like going out for lunch).
May 10th, 2010 at 9:07 am
categorically not part of their job description
I’ve never had a job description that didn’t end with the phrase “and other duties as assigned.” Nothing makes me more nuts than to hear someone tell me, “That’s not my job.” Really? Your job is to do what is (legally and ethically) necessary to advance the interests of the organization.
May 10th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Thank you. Now would you please speak with my mother?
I think some of us may be taking this a tad too literally. Plummie’s general point, if I may be so bold and I almost always am whether or not it’s a good idea, is that grown-up ladies should not wear clothing, shoes, or hair accessories that might be found on your average third-grader. For the nine-squillionth time, sophisticated does not necessarily mean uncomfortable or impractical.
May 10th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
@Style Spy. No, thank YOU (I’m still not fighting that battle with your momma, though.)
May 10th, 2010 at 1:58 pm
Ahhh… Thank you, lucylang and Jana. I stand enlightened.
May 10th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
What a great comment trail to read through.
Thanks, Plumcake, for continuing to fight the fight against cutesy-wootsy-ness and reminding us that, although we may not like it, dressing like a 2nd grader means one is more likely to be treated like one. I’m sure many of the readers here could even wear those hideous cat birkies and not be asked to make the coffee, but not me. I aim for Hepburn elegance (Katherine, not Audrey) since I’m a college professor, and I need to project authority- both to my male peers and my 100+ students that love to do things like plead to write an extra-credit term paper so they can increase their grade. It’s just easier for me to cast that stern professorial glare of “you just asked me for WHAT?” when I’m not wearing big floral prints, fuzzy-wuzzy cardigans, or anything pastel. Cutesy = pushover in my book.
May 10th, 2010 at 6:46 pm
@ The gold digger: It isn’t about the task itself but about the context. If my work group is pulling a late night will we go coffeeless? Of course not. I’ve hauled hauled boxes to help out and set up people’s email when IT was busy. What I’m not going to do is get someone coffee or mail their stuff because they can’t be bothered. Just like you should dress for the job you want, if you act like you have a less impressive position than you do, other people will treat you that way. (I’ve particularly had this problem with older men at work–the fact that I’m a woman does not make me your secretary.) There’s no need to be rude but a simple, “You need those mailed? I’ll mention that to one of the assistants on my way out. I think *87 is their direct line.” works perfectly well to set the record straight.
May 11th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
I am the Executive Assistant to a pretty important bad ass woman- I make the coffee and I wear stilettos, not because I am forced to but because I like to. I am well educated, well compensated and I pretty much run my office. People see me as the right hand to the CEO and in being her right hand I occasionally have to get the coffee or the pastries, so be it.
I think the respect I get comes from doing my job well. The fact that I look the part also helps.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:26 pm
Oh my, i happen to be in that stage of high school where cutesy goes. I wear blazers and cowboy boots but i never get any guys. one of them actually said to me, “Christ, why are you so dressed up!” Sure i wear Mary Janes but a darling little pair of Mary Janes can’t stand up to a pencil skirt, a tuxedo blouse and perpetually threaded Veronica Lake eyebrows! i suppose i should be cute but i like where I’m at. just gotta wait for everyone else to catch up
May 16th, 2010 at 10:24 am
Sorry for me the black one says secretary or hopeless middle management. It is conventional, has absolutely no risk or individuality involved, is not elegant or stylish or anything at all, it is just boring. It is a shoe for a person that is going to be forgotten the moment she walks out of the room. The Jimmy Choo has at least its improbable height going for it, it says the woman wearing this shoe will do everything to have things her way.
We are not living in a time anymore, where being conventional gets you anywhere, if you want a career don’t dress to be forgotten or blend into the background, dress as you. In a lot of careers you may very well be the only woman around, you stick out anyway, why not stick out as you.