I lost 12 pounds last week.
Except of course I didn’t lose 12 pounds last week. What I did do is step on one medical professional’s highly-calibrated super special space-age polymer Star Trek scale and then, seven days later, do the exact same thing at another medical professional’s office.
One, or possibly both of those scales were off.
Now, I don’t keep a scale in the house and I’ve never put much thought one way or another into stepping on a doctor’s scale and in a way I kind of feel bad about that.
See, if there’s one thing a Southern girl –especially an Episcopalian Southern girl– loves it’s a ritual. And gin. Mostly gin. But ritual is great too, so I feel bad about missing out on what seems to be a common weigh-in ritual of the Removal of The Shoes.
It seems so…I don’t know…dumb. Well, maybe not dumb, but silly. If you’re going to take off your shoes, to get an “authentic baseline reading” (btdubs: not fooling anyone), why not take off all your clothes? Or why not weigh your shoes and subtract? Or make sure you only get weighed at the same time in your cycle after you’ve had the same meals and evacuated the same quantity of waste?
I’ll tell you why, because it’s a silly vain thing women do to get the lowest number on the scale, and while God knows I fully plan on someday becoming the patron saint of silly and vain things, you’re at a doctor’s office. Butch it up, keep your shoes on unless otherwise instructed and let these people get on with their jobs.
Weight isn’t static and physicians know this so while YOU might want to do all manner of tricks to get that number as low as you can, all it’s really doing is making the nurses roll their eyes. These fine men and women handle steaming cups of pee as part of their daily lives…do you really want to make their jobs worse?
That being said, I’ll cop to weighing in at my nutritionist’s a month ago and –after seeing that I’d gained seven pounds in three weeks– (which I’m pretty sure I hadn’t, I just suspect her scale went out of calibration between visits) having Very Angry Thoughts directed at my big wedge espadrilles.
So what do you do? Do you keep your shoes on? Take them off? I know some women refuse to be weighed at all (this I think is silly, but whatever. I’m sure non-weighers have their reasons) Medical professionals, weigh in too!