Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

June 17, 2010

Shoe Month! The 2010 Ferby Gallini Uggo Shooz Award Winner

Filed under: Abominations,Ferby Gallini Uggo Shooz Award — Miss Plumcake @ 12:15 pm

Friends, I see a lot of bad shoes.

Some are just ugly by virtue of production and design, some are ugly merely because looks aren’t job #1 (or even job #200) and those? Those are fine. I have no beef with shoes that are ugly as a byproduct of comfort, because they don’t pretend to be anything but comfort shoes.

However, once in a great while, a truly spectacularly bad shoe will separate itself from the pack of the tacky and cheap and soar like a bedazzled eagle to the absolute heights of spectacularly made, terrifically ill-conceived fug that makes my very soul tremble.

That shoe is then awarded the highly-coveted Ferby Gallini Ugly Shoe Award, affectionately known as The Golden Uggo, so named after two of my very favorite people whose particular footwear aesthetic happens to be somewhere between “clown with a head injury” and “mmm, that’s some good toad lickin’!”

Ladies and gentlemen, without further adieu, I give you the 2010 winner of the Ferby Gallini Ugly Shoe award for excellence in wretched bad taste:

Guiseppe Zanotti Screaming Eagle sandals

No. Don’t speak. Just bask in its glory.

Oh, and check out the other pictures. It’ll answer your burning question “Is the mighty eagle’s beak covered in rhinestones like the world’s angriest discoball?” but then again, I think you know the answer to that.


  1. And it zips. Up. The. Back.

    There are no words.

    Comment by Wendy — June 17, 2010 @ 12:44 pm

  2. @Wendy, WITH a tassel evocative of an eagle’s tail feathers. I actually have a pair of shoes that zip up the back and I love them, but I still call them my stripper shoes.

    Comment by Plumcake — June 17, 2010 @ 12:54 pm

  3. (attempting to pick jaw up off the floor)

    Comment by klee — June 17, 2010 @ 1:50 pm

  4. At last, the perfect shoe for the Vegas Topless Baton Twirling act.

    Comment by Margo A — June 17, 2010 @ 2:21 pm

  5. Last I checked if you are a size 6 or 7.5, they could be yours. Which means other people actually bought these in the other sizes and are presumaby wearing them.

    Comment by Debs — June 17, 2010 @ 2:23 pm

  6. I’m with MargoA. But I also wonder if either Kate Perry or Lady Gaga has a pair, just in case of a misguided invitation to sing the national anthem at a baseball game shows up.

    Comment by SusanC — June 17, 2010 @ 2:47 pm

  7. priceless. $644 is a paltry sum for the everlasting fame you would surely achive by wearing those. i think those woudl get you noticed pretty much anywhere. Sr. Zanotti must have been high – no other explanation for it. let’s never speak of it again.

    Comment by Chickadee — June 17, 2010 @ 3:26 pm

  8. Yep. Speechless. Stunned.

    Comment by Toby Wollin — June 17, 2010 @ 3:29 pm

  9. @ Debs- I too was horrified to find that all other sizes were sold out. Who would buy these shoes? Who would wear them except the aforementioned Vegas Topless Baton Twirling Act? Why would you spend that much on an ugly shoe when you can buy something truly lovely?

    Comment by Miss Louisa — June 17, 2010 @ 3:31 pm

  10. And just in time for the 4th of July!

    Comment by Abby — June 17, 2010 @ 3:50 pm

  11. Wow. That fear I’ve always had of wearing the wrong thing with the wrong other thing at the wrong time? Gone. Thanks, Plumcake!

    Comment by Deb — June 17, 2010 @ 3:59 pm

  12. The Muppets are now mourning the loss of their friend and colleague Sam the Bald Eagle.

    Comment by dcsurfergirl — June 17, 2010 @ 4:34 pm

  13. And for the traditionalist, you can wear them with the matching purse.

    Comment by daisyj — June 17, 2010 @ 5:39 pm

  14. @SusanC: I think those boots are even too tacky for Lady G, but Katy Perry I can see prancing around in them like she’s hot stuff.

    Comment by Bree — June 17, 2010 @ 7:09 pm

  15. As my great-grandfather (apparently, I never met the man, but I have it on good authority by someone who knew him) used to say: The things you see when you don’t have your shotgun.

    Comment by Twistie — June 17, 2010 @ 8:07 pm

  16. Should that not be “bask in its *Old* Glory”? Also, look at “what customers who bought this also bought” at the bottom of the Zappos page. I can just see the glazed, traumatized faces of those poor trauma sufferers of that oft-ignored PTSD: sparkle shock. Desperate for relief, they retreat to a world of tasteful, neutral shoes, trying to put out of their minds forever the horror they are doomed to see for ALL ETERNITY.

    Comment by megaera — June 18, 2010 @ 5:07 am

  17. It bears repeating: that is some stripper shoe.

    Comment by ChaChaHeels — June 18, 2010 @ 9:08 am

  18. There are some things you simply can’t unsee. Those shoes(and the matching purse, OH GOD) are one of them.

    Comment by ChloeMireille — June 18, 2010 @ 10:18 am

  19. Living here in our nation’s capital, we see a lot of tragic patriot-inspired fashion choices come the summer months. I mean, I don’t consider it respectful of the flag to wear it as a tube top. Some people seem to think that there’s a rule saying you must wear red white and blue when coming to DC. All of this goes to say that I’ve seen a lot of flag-inspired hideousness in my day. But these shoes take the cake.

    Comment by jen209 — June 18, 2010 @ 10:31 am

  20. Living in Philly, within a few blocks of the Liberty Bell, we see a lot of horrible “patriotic” wear. Because of this. we have created the tacky Patriotic Dressed American Drinking Game. These shoes, along with the matching bag would cause the whole lot to take a few shots.

    Comment by KimKS — June 18, 2010 @ 12:08 pm

  21. @ Twistie your great grandad must have known my mom. That was one of her classic expressions, along with “kill it before it multiplies”.

    Comment by gemdiva — June 18, 2010 @ 5:40 pm

  22. Sale!

    Why are American flag shoes made in Italy?

    Comment by Meg — June 18, 2010 @ 8:06 pm

  23. Wow. Just wow.

    To their credit, the spiel for the matching purse acknowledges it to be “An ironic and truly special piece.”.

    Comment by abdabs — June 18, 2010 @ 8:57 pm

  24. KimKS, I think we need details of that drinking game. July 4th is coming up.

    Comment by raincoaster — June 19, 2010 @ 4:11 am

  25. There are no words.

    I too would like to see the details of the drinking game. Plumcake, a special post just in time for the 4th?

    Comment by Eilish — June 19, 2010 @ 12:50 pm

  26. Oh my JesusGod, why is there only one pair left?! PEOPLE HAVE BOUGHT ALL THE OTHERS??

    Comment by The Accidental Tangoiste — June 20, 2010 @ 7:39 pm

  27. Sometimes I think people design things just to find out if people will actually pay for them. These shoes are in that category.

    Comment by raincoaster — June 23, 2010 @ 7:16 am

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