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Shoe Month! The 2010 Ferby Gallini Uggo Shooz Award Winner | Manolo for the Big Girl

Shoe Month! The 2010 Ferby Gallini Uggo Shooz Award Winner

Friends, I see a lot of bad shoes.

Some are just ugly by virtue of production and design, some are ugly merely because looks aren’t job #1 (or even job #200) and those? Those are fine. I have no beef with shoes that are ugly as a byproduct of comfort, because they don’t pretend to be anything but comfort shoes.

However, once in a great while, a truly spectacularly bad shoe will separate itself from the pack of the tacky and cheap and soar like a bedazzled eagle to the absolute heights of spectacularly made, terrifically ill-conceived fug that makes my very soul tremble.

That shoe is then awarded the highly-coveted Ferby Gallini Ugly Shoe Award, affectionately known as The Golden Uggo, so named after two of my very favorite people whose particular footwear aesthetic happens to be somewhere between “clown with a head injury” and “mmm, that’s some good toad lickin’!”

Ladies and gentlemen, without further adieu, I give you the 2010 winner of the Ferby Gallini Ugly Shoe award for excellence in wretched bad taste:

Guiseppe Zanotti Screaming Eagle sandals

No. Don’t speak. Just bask in its glory.

Oh, and check out the other pictures. It’ll answer your burning question “Is the mighty eagle’s beak covered in rhinestones like the world’s angriest discoball?” but then again, I think you know the answer to that.

28 Responses to “Shoe Month! The 2010 Ferby Gallini Uggo Shooz Award Winner”

  1. Wendy June 17, 2010 at 12:44 pm #

    And it zips. Up. The. Back.

    There are no words.

  2. Plumcake June 17, 2010 at 12:54 pm #

    @Wendy, WITH a tassel evocative of an eagle’s tail feathers. I actually have a pair of shoes that zip up the back and I love them, but I still call them my stripper shoes.

  3. klee June 17, 2010 at 1:50 pm #

    (attempting to pick jaw up off the floor)

  4. Margo A June 17, 2010 at 2:21 pm #

    At last, the perfect shoe for the Vegas Topless Baton Twirling act.

  5. Debs June 17, 2010 at 2:23 pm #

    Last I checked if you are a size 6 or 7.5, they could be yours. Which means other people actually bought these in the other sizes and are presumaby wearing them.

  6. SusanC June 17, 2010 at 2:47 pm #

    I’m with MargoA. But I also wonder if either Kate Perry or Lady Gaga has a pair, just in case of a misguided invitation to sing the national anthem at a baseball game shows up.

  7. Chickadee June 17, 2010 at 3:26 pm #

    priceless. $644 is a paltry sum for the everlasting fame you would surely achive by wearing those. i think those woudl get you noticed pretty much anywhere. Sr. Zanotti must have been high – no other explanation for it. let’s never speak of it again.

  8. Toby Wollin June 17, 2010 at 3:29 pm #

    Yep. Speechless. Stunned.

  9. Miss Louisa June 17, 2010 at 3:31 pm #

    @ Debs- I too was horrified to find that all other sizes were sold out. Who would buy these shoes? Who would wear them except the aforementioned Vegas Topless Baton Twirling Act? Why would you spend that much on an ugly shoe when you can buy something truly lovely?

  10. Abby June 17, 2010 at 3:50 pm #

    And just in time for the 4th of July!

  11. Deb June 17, 2010 at 3:59 pm #

    Wow. That fear I’ve always had of wearing the wrong thing with the wrong other thing at the wrong time? Gone. Thanks, Plumcake!

  12. dcsurfergirl June 17, 2010 at 4:34 pm #

    The Muppets are now mourning the loss of their friend and colleague Sam the Bald Eagle.

  13. daisyj June 17, 2010 at 5:39 pm #

    And for the traditionalist, you can wear them with the matching purse.

  14. Bree June 17, 2010 at 7:09 pm #

    @SusanC: I think those boots are even too tacky for Lady G, but Katy Perry I can see prancing around in them like she’s hot stuff.

  15. Twistie June 17, 2010 at 8:07 pm #

    As my great-grandfather (apparently, I never met the man, but I have it on good authority by someone who knew him) used to say: The things you see when you don’t have your shotgun.

  16. megaera June 18, 2010 at 5:07 am #

    Should that not be “bask in its *Old* Glory”? Also, look at “what customers who bought this also bought” at the bottom of the Zappos page. I can just see the glazed, traumatized faces of those poor trauma sufferers of that oft-ignored PTSD: sparkle shock. Desperate for relief, they retreat to a world of tasteful, neutral shoes, trying to put out of their minds forever the horror they are doomed to see for ALL ETERNITY.

  17. ChaChaHeels June 18, 2010 at 9:08 am #

    It bears repeating: that is some stripper shoe.

  18. ChloeMireille June 18, 2010 at 10:18 am #

    There are some things you simply can’t unsee. Those shoes(and the matching purse, OH GOD) are one of them.

  19. jen209 June 18, 2010 at 10:31 am #

    Living here in our nation’s capital, we see a lot of tragic patriot-inspired fashion choices come the summer months. I mean, I don’t consider it respectful of the flag to wear it as a tube top. Some people seem to think that there’s a rule saying you must wear red white and blue when coming to DC. All of this goes to say that I’ve seen a lot of flag-inspired hideousness in my day. But these shoes take the cake.

  20. KimKS June 18, 2010 at 12:08 pm #

    Living in Philly, within a few blocks of the Liberty Bell, we see a lot of horrible “patriotic” wear. Because of this. we have created the tacky Patriotic Dressed American Drinking Game. These shoes, along with the matching bag would cause the whole lot to take a few shots.

  21. gemdiva June 18, 2010 at 5:40 pm #

    @ Twistie your great grandad must have known my mom. That was one of her classic expressions, along with “kill it before it multiplies”.

  22. Meg June 18, 2010 at 8:06 pm #

    Sale!

    Why are American flag shoes made in Italy?

  23. abdabs June 18, 2010 at 8:57 pm #

    Wow. Just wow.

    To their credit, the spiel for the matching purse acknowledges it to be “An ironic and truly special piece.”.

  24. raincoaster June 19, 2010 at 4:11 am #

    KimKS, I think we need details of that drinking game. July 4th is coming up.

  25. Eilish June 19, 2010 at 12:50 pm #

    There are no words.

    I too would like to see the details of the drinking game. Plumcake, a special post just in time for the 4th?

  26. The Accidental Tangoiste June 20, 2010 at 7:39 pm #

    Oh my JesusGod, why is there only one pair left?! PEOPLE HAVE BOUGHT ALL THE OTHERS??

  27. raincoaster June 23, 2010 at 7:16 am #

    Sometimes I think people design things just to find out if people will actually pay for them. These shoes are in that category.