Good morning my little vuvuzelas, how’s every little thing?
It was a rough, rough weekend for your pal Plummy. Of course I’m taking about the World Cup. America’s loss to Ghana was sad because you hate the see the home team go down, but I like Ghana and if anyone deserves the psychological victory that comes with bringing home the big W against the U.S., it’s Ghana. BUT.
The England match.
Oh sweet buttered Bolingbroke, the England match.
Let me paint you a little picture: your pal Plummy is not only awake, but fully vested in her England soccer jersey and coordinating Hermès scarf (a girl’s gotta have a little glamor, especially when said girl will be drinking at 8 o’clock on a Sunday morning, because the difference between addict and enthusiast is all in the accessories) and enjoying a full Irish and a velveteen –like a Black and Tan but with cider instead of Bass, also called a snakebite– with my Irish expat friend at the local Irish pub.
The joint is packed with expats and a few wrongthinking people who support Germany –because fanatical Germans waving flags has ended so well for the world, historically–and they play We Will Rock you, which I am ashamed to admit makes me want to kick some ass (see also: the bagpipes. There is something deep in the genetic recesses of my whatever that, upon hearing a live rendition of Scotland the Brave takes me from my normal delightful and mild-mannered self to DOON WI’ TH’ ACCURSED SASSENACH! in about .82 seconds flat. Fun fact, if you watch the very dark video you can juuuust about see Miss Plumcake in the background here, talking to one of the drummers who was so cute in his kilt I forgot the name of my date, which wouldn’t have been so bad had I not known the aforementioned date for TEN YEARS prior to the incident).
The game started and then…bad things happened.
And the worst part, THE WORST PART, wasn’t that the English were ROBBED of that goal by a stupid bad call –which of course resulted in many enthusiastic chants, the favorite seeming to be “The Referee’s a Wanker” to the tune of “Nanny Nanny Boo Boo”– but the fact that after the game when I went to my ANGLICAN as in ENGLISH church, our opening hymn was “Glorious Things of Thee Are Spoken” set to the tune of Austria by Franz Josef Haydn which is also the tune for…you guessed it: Deutschland, Deutschland Uber Alles, the German National anthem.
ANYHOODLE, what’s been going on with you? Anything grand? Buy anything sparkly? Get arrested? Meet a new loooovair? Anything going on in the world of fattery we need to know? Put it in the comments!