Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

Just popped across this interesting little tidbit from the New York Times, that essentially says what I’ve been saying –not nearly as well but with about three times as many words– for years.

Rather than rely on obvious logos, expensive products use more discreet markers, such as distinctive design or detailing. High-end consumers prefer markers of status that are not decipherable by the mainstream. These signal group identity only to others with the connoisseurship to recognize their insider standing.

It’s a secret handshake.

I think it’s tough for aspirational big girls because accessories are often the only things that fit and there’s a temptation to use visible logos to signal you’re fashionable, except it’s almost always a losing bet. There is nothing more cringingly middlebrow than seeing a perfectly nice, stylish-ish girl dressed in perfectly nice, stylish-ish clothes with a pair of sunglasses whose enormous D&G you can see from space.

It goes straight from decent girl in decent clothes to “As You Can See From My Name-Brand Clothing, I Am Not Poor”

I can’t believe I haven’t written about cowboy boots.

I will admit my bias right now: I don’t like western boots on people who can’t ride western. If you don’t know your way around a trail horse –and I’m not talking seeing Equus a bunch of times and reading a Catherine the Great biography– then you’ve got no business wearing western boots.

Or if you’re a Yankee. Yankees in cowboy boots are sad. Like diet cheese or an ugly girl that really doesn’t have a “great personality.” You have all the cool weather and the good lobster. Let us have this one.

A good cowboy boot –like a good man– is a joy forever, and the worse you treat ’em the better they act. Unlike a good man, however, getting the exact perfect one straight out of the gate is dead easy, provided you’ve got the cash.

It is not unusual for a good custom cowboy boot to cost north of $3000 and unlike some of the frothier fashion selections that demand $1500 for a slip of leather with two satin ribbons, you can see the craftsmanship and artistry that goes into hand-stitching and inlaying each boot. A pair of world-class custom cowboy boots are a rite of passage for many a successful Texas man and are passed down in wills from one generation to one generation to the next.

Witness the Alamo Boot.

Seen here you have the State Capitol building –which is ten feet taller than the U.S. Capitol btw– the Alamo on the back, plus an armadillo, a mockingbird, and “Remember the Alamo” stitched across the back calf. Yes there’s a lot going on, but that’s part of the cowboy boot charm and everyone knows we Texans are not a people of restraint.

That being said, you can get some perfectly decent –though admittedly less festive– western boots for under $200 and customized ones for about what you’d pay for a pair of Manolos.

This image is courtesy of caboots.com, the ONLY place I would ever trust online for customized boots.

For big girls who want to buy off-the-rack you can just skip right over the women’s section and mosey directly into the men’s boot section.

If you’ve got a wider calf you’ll want to keep your eyes open for two things:

1) a ten inch shaft (much more than 10″ can make a tough fit)*

2) a wide scalloped collar

A roper — a low-shafted boot– is usually your best bet, and provided the scallop is deep enough to spread nice and wide, it shouldn’t be hard to find a pair that fit your calves.

However, if you want a pair that goes OVER your calves, say a 15″ shaft or higher, you’ll almost certainly have to go custom. Custom is worth every penny, but it’ll take a lotta pennies.

You’ll also need a boot jack and boot hooks:

Trust me on this one.

That leather is stiff, it’s only been in the past year or so that I’ve been able to get my boots on without hooks and off without a jack. When my ropers were brand new it took me a good five –sometimes ten– minutes to get them on if I didn’t have my pulls with me, especially since I have freakishly short little Tyrannosaurus Rex arms, which is problematic when it comes to pull-on boots and –in a related vein– mechanical bull-riding.

As you can see, a 26 year-old Miss Plumcake about to be thrown from the mechanical bull at Coupland Dance Hall wearing a lovely pair of Lucchese cognac ropers.

See that glow? That is the patina of a pair of lovingly abused boots.

It might not really work for men, but treat ’em mean and keep ’em keen definitely gets the job done for cowboy boots. It’ll take a few months for your boots to get that worn-in character but be patient and don’t worry about some spotting and freckling when they’re new. I wear ’em in the rain, in the mud, in the snow if we have it (we almost never do) I just give ’em a good oiling once every few months and they just keep better looking. Not unlike myself, I guess.

ANYWAY if you’re serious about getting a pair of boots, your best bet is to go to a western wear shop –I like Cavender’s but I should also put in a plug for Allens Boots right here on historic South Congress Avenue in Austin, Texas– and get properly fitted. The guys are super nice and knowledgeable and understand that a girl’s first pair of cowboy boots is important.

A good pair of boots with a leather sole will last longer than your feet ever will, so get you some. You know, as long as you’re not a Yankee.

*THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID