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Happy Birthday Howard Webb (and also me) | Manolo for the Big Girl

Happy Birthday Howard Webb (and also me)

So remember how on Monday I said I was ALMOST finished talking about World Cup? That’s because I wanted to wait until today to go out with a bang. See, today is English referee (and South Yorkshire police sergeant) Howard Webb‘s birthday. He called the World Cup Final between the Dutch (ptui ptui) and the Spanish.

It is also my birthday, which marks 31 glorious years of Plumcakedom and the beginning of the feast of Plumcakemas, a month-long liturgical season wherein pretty much everyone has to be nice to me and buy me drinks because those are the rules I, uh, made up in my head.

Which brings me to my Birthday List.

I am surprisingly unmercenary when it comes to birthday boums, and though I am grateful for the birthday presents I get, I don’t really yearn for them as a rule.

This year it’s different. I’ve been yearning in a big way and here is my list of requests:

1) A Watermelon Shark

2) All The Toast I Can Eat

3) “You Really Got a Hold On Me” by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles, played with lots of pedal on a big pipe organ just for me

4) Fortuny fabric wall treatments in the original “Uccelli” print (in gold and rust please, not the cream and amethyst)

5) I want to rub a pat of butter on Howard Webb’s head.

Oh c’mon pleeeeeeease? It’s not weird or anything. It’s just, uh, one grown adult rubbing a pat of butter onto another adult’s shiny shiny melon just to see what it’d be like. I promise I’d go organic. And you don’t have to LIKE it, but please? It’s my birthday too, you know. Just this once?

Aww thanks Sarge, you’re a pal.

35 Responses to “Happy Birthday Howard Webb (and also me)”

  1. La Petite Acadienne July 14, 2010 at 10:20 am #

    Happy birthday, darling Plummy! The world became a much better place when you arrived into it. I hope that you have a smashing birthday and that this year brings you every wish come true. (Including the butter thing, weird as that is.)

    I am SO with you on wanting toast, however.

  2. klee July 14, 2010 at 10:38 am #

    Much birthday bliss to you, Plumcake! The watermelon shark is awesome!

  3. mywhimsey July 14, 2010 at 11:09 am #

    Happy Birthday and Happy Bastille Day to you, Plumcake! Hope you get “watermelon shark wishes and buttered toast dreams” on your natal anniversary!

  4. Violet July 14, 2010 at 11:27 am #

    I totally get it. OMG. I also feel that way about Robben and would be up for a butterhead twins performance.

  5. KimKS July 14, 2010 at 11:42 am #

    Happy Birthday Plummy!

  6. Style Spy July 14, 2010 at 11:56 am #

    If you could hear my loud off-key warbling of “Happy Birthday” I’m sure you would be charmed.

    Okay, maybe not charmed so much as horrified, but Happy Birthday anyway!!

  7. Manolo July 14, 2010 at 12:51 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Darling Miss Plumcake! You are indeed most super fantastic!

  8. Catherine July 14, 2010 at 2:45 pm #

    Happy Birthday Plumcake!! My life is so much better now with a watermelon shark in it. I am insisting that my mom make one to celebrate the birth of her first grandchild any day now. She googled the directions and posted them at http://www.lagrandedame.com/blog/

    Have a wonderful day and thank you again for introducing the world to the wonders of the watermelon shark.

  9. Rubiatonta July 14, 2010 at 3:04 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Plummie!

    And I triple yes the watermelon shark. With a side of rice-krispy-treat sushi. YUM!

  10. TropicalChrome July 14, 2010 at 3:10 pm #

    Happy Birthday, and many happy returns of the day!

  11. Courtney July 14, 2010 at 3:15 pm #

    Happy birthday! Good luck with the toast. :)

  12. The Accidental Tangoiste July 14, 2010 at 3:59 pm #

    Happy birthday and Bastille Day, Mlle Plumcake, and a joyous year to come!

    Thank you for writing, too; it’s been a pleasure exploring this blog!

  13. The Accidental Tangoiste July 14, 2010 at 4:00 pm #

    PS: How about all the toasts you can drink? ;)

  14. Kate K July 14, 2010 at 4:35 pm #

    Happy Happy Birthday Plumcake! I hope you have a birthday as fabulous and magnificent as you :D

    And your birthday list is PERFECT. How could anyone say no?

  15. theDiva July 14, 2010 at 4:54 pm #

    Plummy, you crack me up. Happy birthday, doll.

  16. dr nic July 14, 2010 at 6:40 pm #

    I really need a watermelon shark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does the recipe/instructions exist anywhere?

  17. dr nic July 14, 2010 at 6:42 pm #

    Found instructions here: http://www.watermelon.org/recipe_detail.asp?recipeDisp=300

  18. teteatete July 14, 2010 at 6:58 pm #

    Happy Birthday to a most splendiferous lady! I hope you have a wonderful day and then an even better month of Plumcake-centric events. The interwebs would not be the same without you. :)

  19. BSAG July 14, 2010 at 7:13 pm #

    Happy birthday, Plummy!

    My birthday is next month and I am totally having a party, like I usually don’t, just so I can make a watermelon shark.

  20. Constance July 14, 2010 at 8:42 pm #

    Happy birthday Ms. Fabulous Plumcake. If you were closer it would be drinks all around and a special pat of unsalted butter for your favorite bald pate.

  21. Jennie July 14, 2010 at 10:57 pm #

    Just heard that the Archbishop of your Pants smiled and gave a deep sigh knowing that on this day in the recent past, you came into this world. You bring a smile and a sigh to us all, GF!!!

  22. Susan July 15, 2010 at 12:03 am #

    Joyeux anniversaire, mon cher. Cake and champagne all round,
    Vive Miss Plumcake! Vive la Revolution!

  23. Rebekka July 15, 2010 at 3:26 am #

    Happy Birthday!

  24. mariebruxelles July 15, 2010 at 5:06 am #

    Happy birthday to you, Dear Plummy!

  25. raincoaster July 15, 2010 at 6:15 am #

    You’re a Cancer, not a Taurus or Leo? Okay, I guess why that’s why we always snark about the same things. I had a birthday over the weekend and have enough watermelon left to do a shark, but if I do a shark, I can’t do a vodka-soaked watermelon half.

    CHOICES CHOICES!

  26. zuzu July 15, 2010 at 10:44 am #

    Also Bastille Day. Liberté, Égalité, Happy Birthday!

    I will pass on the watermelon shark, having been traumatized by a watermelon whale as a small child (not to mention by the mocking laughter of my mother and grandmother when I was sent to fetch something from the fridge and stood there screaming at the glowing-red-mouthed sea monster staring at me therein).

  27. Plumcake July 15, 2010 at 11:26 am #

    @Rain, UNLESS you make the watermelon shark and then soak the watermelon chunks in the spirit of your choice.

  28. Lisa July 15, 2010 at 12:40 pm #

    Happy Birthday. Just make sure you save some butter for your toast.

  29. Peaches July 15, 2010 at 1:33 pm #

    The fabric is fabulous!!! Happy Birthday!

  30. Plumcake July 15, 2010 at 2:56 pm #

    @Peaches, Isn’t it? I love fabric wall treatments, and Fortuny did some of my favorites!

    @Zuzu, Thank you for your fantastic gift of letting me imagine you shrieking at a watermelon whale. Oh no, it’s Monstro!

    @Mariebruxelles. Thank you! I just checked your blog and it is charming, and I especially like your asparagus tongs.

  31. Eilish July 15, 2010 at 3:29 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Plumcake! I love the watermelon shark, I will have to make that for my husband and son, it combines two of their favorite things. Awesome. If you were having toast at my house, I would totally offer you some of the lovely apricot jam I made last week. It is very good on toast or croissants. I hope you have someone near you that can make you some fresh jam for your toast. (Really not a euphemism of any kind.) The butter on the head thing? Hmmm. I’m sort of getting a Mr. Clean vibe from him, so the butter just seems wrong to me. But to each her own! Enjoy your buttery, shiny head!

  32. mariebruxelles July 16, 2010 at 9:12 am #

    *blushing*
    Wow! Thank you for visiting my blog!