As a Professional Fat Person I get a lot of flak tossed my way about not dating big guys, the accusation being I am a hypocrite for wanting to be accepted as a big girl, but not walking the walk when it comes to my own romantic life.
Of course my immediate and correct response is to tell them precisely where they can put their accusation and how many times to rotate it once it’s in place because my romantic life is between me and my overeager Dominican houseboys. BUT never let it be said I am not open to constructive criticism. Is it possible they have something there? Am I a big fat hypocrite?
It’s curious trying to psychologically unpack the reasons why despite having an extremely active dating life –at least until the fifth date when they’re all Where Is This Relationship Going and I’m all STOP BREATHING MY AIR– I have not historically dated big men.
I tell myself It’s not that I wouldn’t, it’s that I haven’t. I don’t avoid them at all, but I don’t really seek them out either. And that’s true, but it seems unusual that since I’m the United Nations of failed relationships that in my entire romantic back catalog, I’ve only dated one guy who was more than just a little chubby.
I don’t object to the chub at all(TWSS). I don’t say I particularly yearn for a big guy the way girls who like their men “cuddly” do, but I think that’s more to do with the fact that my response to someone wanting to cuddle is generally along the lines of ritual suicide more than being turned off by a particular body shape.
A little bit of navel-gazing (which isn’t as fun as Naval gazing, but I haven’t been back to Annapolis in years so it’ll have to do) tells me I tend to date fit guys who are fit as a secondary characteristic to something I actively seek. For example: I’m a little, uh, intense, and so I look for that in a partner. Strong sense of self, enormous drive, a serious love of competition and discipline, all of those things ring my bell in a big way and traditionally men who have those traits tend to find themselves extremely involved in athletics at some point in their life and that keeps them trim. That being said, I’ve got all those things and I’m still closer to the Taft side of the Presidential Fatty Spectrum than the Lincoln, so do with that what you will. I’m just spitballin’ here.
Are all big guys cuddly? Of course not, it’s a stereotype, but it’s a stereotype that often holds true. Gentle giant, all that sort of thing.
Sometimes I wonder –pointlessly I suspect– whether it’s more difficult to be a fat guy than a fat girl. On one hand women are theoretically less physically shallow than men, and popular wisdom (if that’s not a contradiction in terms) tells us women are attracted to the men they fall in love with, while men fall in love with the women they are attracted to. On the other, fat is deeply ingrained as a feminine characteristic, and straight men who display feminine traits –especially traditionally negative feminine traits– often suffer for it.
I’m interested in what other big girls have to say, and if there are big fellas here, I want to hear from you especially! Am I keeping with a habit of a lifetime and overthinking things? Is “you like what you like” fair, and is it a hard pill to swallow when so many men seemingly have a No Fat Chicks rule?