Manolo for the Big Girl Fashion, Lifestyle, and Humor for the Plus Sized Woman.

July 24, 2010

Morning Has Broken

Filed under: Lazy Poll — Twistie @ 12:20 pm

As I stumbled down the stairs this am in my usual desperate search for caffeine… well, there really wasn’t much else on my – for lack of a better term at that point – mind. My one thought was “COFFEE!!! COFFEE!!!” and I’m not ashamed to admit that. Once I got the coffee, my one thought was a familiar one that I have most mornings these days: “I really have turned into my Aunt Louise.”

No, really, the very first time my brothers and I saw a rockhopper penguin,

we all immediately agreed that it resembled nothing so much as Aunt Louise before her first cup of coffee in the morning.

Yeah. That’s now me in the morning. I get up, look scary – yet oddly adorable – make coffee, grab a nosh after the coffee (darlings, if I attempt to cook before caffeinating myself, I would probably set the entire house ablaze and be entirely too dazed to save myself), and sit down to check my email. After that I can slowly ease myself into life

This morning, however, I had a third thought, which is pushing it for me before I’m properly caffeinated. I wondered how my fellow Big Girls wake up in the morning. Do you have a ritual? Something you need to do before you face the world? Is your morning face less terrifying than mine?

July 23, 2010

Happy Birthday Manolo for the Big Girl!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Miss Plumcake @ 8:54 pm

Today Manolo for the Big Girl turns three, but we’re only copping to two and a half!

Happy Birthday, Darlings!

P.S., We’re having some WordPress woes, so my post on cowboy boots didn’t go up today. Stay tuned for Monday!

July 22, 2010

The Hot Boy Speaks

Filed under: Dating — Miss Plumcake @ 3:31 pm

“It takes me more time to explain to a bigger girl why I like her than it does for me to hook up with a skinny chick.”

This from a friend who wouldn’t be remotely out of place in a Calvin Klein underwear billboard and whose preference is for bigger women.

He went on to explain that big girls often don’t believe he’s interested, or suspect he’s up to something. Now I don’t want to belabor the whole self-worth is tied to the men you can attract nonsense, because that way madness lies, but I do find it interesting that big women are –at least in my pal’s experience– less likely to believe a regulation hottie’s motives are pure (or at least not mean-spirited) than a thin girl.

What’s up with that?

As I wrote years and years ago, there are a lot of ways to get self-esteem, and none of them come by injection, but I hate to see a big girl tossing away the attention of a potentially great guy because she deems out of her league.

So where does it come from?

We’ve all heard of “dog parties” or “pig parties” where hot guys find the least-desirable women they can find in some sort of weird competition. However I have never been to a pig party, I have never known anyone who’s been to a pig party. I think they’re more the domain of urban legend and Very Special Episodes than reality, but it’s a boogie man for many big girls.

I’ll admit to being perhaps more suspicious with the Abercrombie and Fitch types –particularly the young ones– than with your more run o’ the mill fellas, not because I don’t believe they’re attracted to me, but because fat women, rightly or wrongly, are often known for their, uh, ease of virtue and I’m just not that kind of girl so I make it known in no uncertain terms that if he thinks his eight-pack will help him get All Up In This with anything approaching ease, he’s got another think coming. I don’t do cheap and cheerful in any respect.

Is it fair? Maybe not. What are your experiences?

July 21, 2010

Why dress well?

Filed under: Fashion — Miss Plumcake @ 2:02 pm

A friend of mine wrote an essay for the Anthony Bourdain “Medium Raw” essay on the subject in an attempt to answer the question “Why cook well?” (it’s in competition, so read a few essays and vote for your favorite) and it got my thinker to thinkin’.

One of the things that’s always struck me as funny is the assumption that as someone who cares deeply about style I must be shallow by default. Funny because I view my interest in style –the “refinement of detail” as Scott Schuman says– as part and parcel of being a thorough and complex person.

I’ve always associated shallowness with a sort of intellectual laziness, the same laziness I associate with lack of attention to detail in all manners of activity, personal furnishings included.

When I think of someone with a great deal of style I always think of precision, of thought, of discipline. This item was chosen because it gives this effect. It’s similar to writing, or cooking or anything that required attention to detail. You pick a particular word or ingredient not because it’s the first one that springs to mind or the only thing in the fridge not growing an intriguing though potentially scientifically important mold, but because you want a desired effect.

It occurs to me I don’t know any truly stylish person who is also truly lazy, and maybe that’s why as a big girl I feel the stakes are higher for us. There’s already a stereotype against us for being lazy and sloppy. I mean, if we weren’t so lazy lounging around stuffing our piggy faces with Crisco sandwiches and only moving to wash our corpulent frames with rags on sticks then we wouldn’t be fat, would we?

July 19, 2010

Ask Auntie Plumcake

Filed under: Uncategorized — Miss Plumcake @ 2:48 pm

I believe you all know my well-documented position on weakness glands and their unnecessary salty output.

Crying, like drinking, should be done in the privacy of your own home, alone and with the lights out. But for as much as I bluster about leaky people, I’ve gotta be straight with you: most big girls, myself included, have seen some damage in their lives and sometimes it’s hard to rally.

Miss Plumcake is not without a heart, and I’m not just talking about this one I keep in a lovely little box next to my magic mirror.

With that in mind, I offer a new featurette Ask Auntie Plumcake that –depending on its popularity– might someday bloom into a full-fledged weekly –or let’s face it, semi-weekly at best– feature. Think of it as an agony aunt column like Dear Abby but with better hair and lower blood alcohol content (you KNOW Ms VB likes her toddies). Write in with your question and let me know how you want me to address you if you don’t want your real name.

If I think you’d be a good letter for the blog, I’ll ask your permission. If you put it in the comments it’s fair use. Okay? Great!

Last week we had a great discussion on dating big men and I read all your comments with interest. However, one really stuck in my recently-waxed craw.


Internet Friend Jane H. wrote:

I’m still not over my ex-husband telling me I was so fat and repulsive that no one would ever want to touch me again. That was 6 years ago. I am a size 18. I expect I will never be in another relationship because I have that drilled into my head. Isn’t that sad? For the past three years I have been dating a nice (heavy) man who made it clear when we started dating that he was only looking for a friend. I much enjoy his company but feel I am missing out- it’s just an affirmation of my ex-husband’s comments.

Dearest Jane,

Three things here. Four if you count the fact I love the name Jane.

Thing 1:

Your ex-husband? I hope he gets a riotous case of the oozing face herp.

Because he’s a jerk and LIED TO YOU.If there is one thing I have learned in my experiences asking for directions at gas stations across this great land is that no one, NO ONE is too ugly to be in a relationship. Have you even SEEN all the uggos in relationships? Where do you think all the ugly babies come from? And as for being repulsive. Repulsive to whom? To a poodlewang like him? Because I gotta tell you sister, If you’re selling something that will keep that sort of fella repulsed, that’s a FEATURE not a bug and I suggest you bottle it and count me in for at least a case and a half.

Thing 2:

You are not dating that nice guy.

You are friends. Not friends with benefits. Just friends and I don’t like the cut of his jib. You do not “date” someone for three years when one of them is very clear that there is not and will not be any physical romantic contact. I wish someone had tossed me some tough love back when I was going through the same thing back in my early 20’s. We can spend all day unpacking WHY you’re not dating him and what needs of his he’s meeting at your expense and if that really makes him a nice guy but the gist is this:

Jane, you are lying to yourself, and breaking your own heart in the process.

If he’s not interested in a physical relationship now or ever after THREE YEARS you are just friends and that’s never, ever, ever going to change. That sucks and I’m sorry, but that torch you’re holding has set your arm on fire.

Thing 3:

You have needs, and that’s okay.

What’s more, you have wants, and that’s okay too. Pretending you don’t have them or deserve to have them met isn’t going to change that. It’s just going to make you miserable. That’s the thing about needs, you’re stuck with ’em, so you can either deny yourself and NOT get your needs met which will make you miserable OR you can butch it up, Irma Lou, and start making sure mama gets her own. I understand that’s way, way easier to say than do, but there are therapists out there who can help you. You wouldn’t drive your car without maintaining it. You wouldn’t wear a pair of shoes if one of them has a wonky heel. Get yourself maintained, woman!

You are worth saving, Jane. You are worth saving and loving and getting in the odd round of hide the parsnip if you so desire, on your terms. Make it happen.

Gin and Tonics,

Auntie Plumcake

July 18, 2010

The Beets Go On

Filed under: Food — Twistie @ 11:41 am

Darlings, I have a confession to make, foodie what I am and all: I loathe beets.

Now this would not normally be that bad a problem. You see, most of the foods I dislike intensely are also foods that Mr. Twistie either loathes or finds too terrifying to contemplate. The difference here is that Mr. Twistie likes beets very much.

We recently joined a CSA and are now getting regular deliveries of yummy organic veggies. Now I was given the option to customize what we get and quickly knocked a couple things off the list for all time. Mushrooms? Not at Casa Twistie. Asparagus? Give it to someone who wants it. But when it came to beets, I said to myself that since I was taking the zucchini and the eggplants and the cauliflower and the melons and the blueberries and the… well, you get the picture, that I could find a way to deal with beets.

The time has come. In the last box, there sat a bunch of bright ruby beets.

Unfortunately, the only way I’ve ever managed to get a beet down me without triggering a most unladylike gag reflex is in a borscht with plenty of beef and lots of cabbage in it. That’s not an option with the sort of weather we’ve been having. I could try putting it in a salad and liberally disguising it with goat cheese… except that Mr. Twistie reacts to goat cheese the way I usually do to beets.

Basically, I need to find a way to prepare beets that won’t make me gag and that won’t make Mr. Twistie run for the hills in terror. I have about four good-sized beets and their attendant greens to work with.

Hit me with your best shots, guys.

Help Obi-Wan Big Girls. You’re my only hope.

July 17, 2010

Twistie’s Sunday Caption Madness: The Sticks But No Stones Edition: The Result

Filed under: Twistie's Sunday Caption Madness — Twistie @ 10:19 am

Hey ho campers!

Remember last sunday when I forced you all to contemplate this deathless image?

Eight of you bravely took up the challenge to come up with just the right caption.

You were all deeply funny and pithy. No, really, pith everywhere. I’m still cleaning it up.

In the end, though, there can be but one winner, and this week that one is the one, the only, the superfantastic Amazon Princess for both lauding and painfully mocking my own cultural background until I begiggled myself into fits with this delicious concept:

From Scotland’s little known coastal region – The Finalists for the Driftwood Caber Toss!

Congratulations, Amazon Princess! And thanks to everyone who played.

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