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A Very Bad Shoe | Manolo for the Big Girl

A Very Bad Shoe

So you know how some people like to spread goodness and light wherever they go, and if they had say, an opportunity to reach thousands and thousands people on a regular basis they’d use that influence to do something good and noble like raising money for clean water in southern Malawi?

Yeah, I’m totally not one of those.

But I DO make up for it by bringing you the ugliest shoes on the internet to compete for the highly coveted (in my head) Ferby Gallini Uggo Shooz award, named for two friends whose hearts are as big as their shoes are seizure-inducing, and I’ve got a good one for you:

Let’s just bask in their tragic magnificence shall we?

Because this? Is a lot of stuff happening on a shoe.

We have poison green suede, which in loafer or even pump form I could get behind. There is a dramatic kitten heel. There are not one, not two, but THREE count ’em THREE bands of crochet work in clashing colors AND there’s green snakeskin detail on the cuff and zipper.

My question isn’t why so much, but why isn’t there more? Whither the rhinestones? The studs? Would a smattering of purple fringed tassels have killed you? Sure you bring the ugly, J.J., but do you bring ENOUGH?

(also, anyone who thinks I’m not a sweet girl who loves her readers should note that I was totally ready to make a Stevie Nicks joke, but I know how you cat people are with your Stevie Nicks and your broomstick skirts and useless liberal arts degrees and I’ve put your through enough already, so I’m not. EVEN THOUGH I WANTED TO.)

11 Responses to “A Very Bad Shoe”

  1. daisyj September 29, 2010 at 4:15 pm #

    These are just sad– Ugly but not fun-ugly. As you said, there’s so much more they could have done. Why not a turned-up elf toe? Fur lining? What’s the point of starting down the road to Batshitcrazytown, and then giving up and calling home from Mehville?

  2. that redhead September 29, 2010 at 4:24 pm #

    HA! daisyj stole my first thought on seeing this train wreck: they need a turned-up elf toe!

  3. Lindsay September 29, 2010 at 5:21 pm #

    Come on… they could work for say, a Wicked Witch of the West Halloween costume…

  4. Sue September 29, 2010 at 5:43 pm #

    Oh. Wow. A color-blind 7th-grader’s craft project gone horribly awry.

  5. Leigh September 29, 2010 at 7:17 pm #

    Hey! Cat person, liberal arts degree (not useless, though)–you’re talking about me! I don’t have a broomstick skirt, but only because they don’t work well on short people. Seriously, that is a lot of shoe. They do remind me of elf shoes.

  6. Lisa from SoCal September 29, 2010 at 8:26 pm #

    All that shoe needs to be truly fabulous are some LACES so that it looks more Stevie Nicks/Little House on the Prairie done by a Vegas designer look. The laces could be orange, to match that ankle lace, which give us some clever word play around the word “lace” and carry through with a major design concept–aka the story that a Project Runway contestant tells when their attempt to dye something goes horribly wrong and one winds up with orange lace because I can’t really resign myself to living in a world where somebody actually made orange lace on purpose and then tried to get people to buy it. Most upsetting.

  7. ChaChaheels September 30, 2010 at 5:12 am #

    I just never remember Stevie Nicks wearing a shorty boot. In my mind, she always wears the ones that climb as high as possible, on skyrocketing platforms. Like something KISS would wear, but in soft aubergine suede.

  8. BSAG September 30, 2010 at 7:18 am #

    The real shame is if you remove all the wickety-wack, they’re really not a bad little boot. I mean, I still wouldn’t buy them, but I’d accept them as a gift and wear them without embarrassment. The green would probably go with more things in my wardrobe than you’d expect.

    If I wanted all the frou-frou on top, I could still always knit a pair of really obnoxious socks to wear with them. Aren’t obnoxious socks this season’s big thing, anyway?

  9. txbunny September 30, 2010 at 4:12 pm #

    It just proves “crafts” and footwear do not belong together.

  10. Ravna October 1, 2010 at 4:33 am #

    As BSAG said. Remove the frill and the snakeskin and I know I would rock those boots. I loooove love love love green and kitten heels so that boot would be right up my alley. The green may be a bit more festive than the muted greens I usually go for, and in my neck of the planet we do NOT celebrate St Patricks Day, but I like to make a statement and that boot would looks so perfect with some of my Gudrun Sjoden clothes.

  11. rrose October 10, 2010 at 1:52 pm #

    They’re Leprechaun Lady shoes. I do love that poison green, though.