Hey gang, I know I’ve been pretty quiet -uh, inasmuch as I’m ever quiet– recently and it’s not because I’ve stopped loving you or I’m just trying to shill merch. I mean I totally AM trying to shill merch (mama gots to get paid) but you know I could never stop loving you.
I’ve had a death in the family (don’t say “I’m sorry for your loss” I HATE it when people say “I’m sorry for your loss.” as if you left out the “for your loss” part I’d be wondering if you’re just really late in apologizing for confusing a Balenciaga sleeve for a Laura Ashley one.) and it looks like another one is eminent, so uh, you know. I got other stuff to do.
Listen, I can’t write a great treatise on death. I can’t even write a great treatise on remembering to pay your phone bill on time, but I can say that regret is a son of a bitch and the less you have of it the better. So speaking as someone who spends more than her fair share of time dealing with death and dying, I’ve got a few thoughts I want to share. Ready? Okay!
Have more orgasms.
Seriously, just do it. Have ’em by yourself, have ’em with a friend, I don’t care. Just don’t shuffle off before you get off. And I’m not saying be promiscuous, or skank it all over town, my position has always been: be thoughtful about the people you take to bed, but your body can do some fun stuff and it’s a damn shame if you don’t take it for a spin on a regular basis. If you’ve got difficulties in that area, address them. There are a like bazillion medical reasons getting your rocks off is good for you, but mostly it’s just good fun and there’s no reason you shouldn’t.
Really what I mean is be more harmlessly self-indulgent.
I can’t remember where I read it, but in an interview, Karl Lagerfeld once said he was his own greatest indulgence, and that it was only by indulging himself that he could indulge others. Well, as much as it pains me to do it, I have to agree with Herr Karl. Self-deprivation for its own sake is pointless and it’s showy. That’s right, I said showy. Don’t be a martyr unless you’re actually going to be, you know, a martyr. Fun is not wrong or sinful or a sign of depravity. It’s a gift. Refusing that gift is rude, not to mention a passive-aggressive swipe at everyone in your life who manages to be a good person AND enjoy a cocktail or twelve. As trite as it is, you’re not going to die wishing you had less fun. Or fewer orgasms.
That really blows that you’re going through such a tough time right now, Plummy. I hope that you’re finding comfort in your friends and family and that brighter days are on the horizon for you.
And yes, I agree. Life is just way too damn short to have hangups that prevent you from enjoying all the neat stuff your body can do.
Comment by La Petite Acadienne — December 21, 2010 @ 7:33 pm
I’m sorry not for your loss, but that you had to agree with Herr Karl. You have my deepest sympathy.
Comment by Denise — December 21, 2010 @ 7:43 pm
That whole last paragraph is going on my vanity mirror. Those of us who had a workaholic Protestant upbringing occasionally need to be reminded of these things.
Plumcake, if I remember correctly, you and your family have had far more than your share of sadness in the last few years. If this wasn’t the internet, I’d give you a hug and buy you a drink or five.
Comment by Emily — December 21, 2010 @ 7:48 pm
Oh hell. And yes maam, the world needs more fun people and fewer martyrs.
Comment by Constance — December 21, 2010 @ 9:18 pm
Well crap. I hope there are people around you bringing casseroles and otherwise helping to comfort you and ease you through this awful time.
Comment by The gold digger — December 22, 2010 @ 9:44 am
I am so sorry you and your family are going through this, Miss Plumcake. I’m from Minnesota, so the way of my people is to bring hotdishes to the bereaved. I wish I could bring you one now. (You call them casseroles, we call them hotdishes, but they’re the same thing: the grout that binds people together in trying times.)
Comment by Chicklet — December 22, 2010 @ 11:26 am
Hi Plumcake,
Thank you. For such wonderfully true post. You bring so much brightness to so many people’s lives. I hope you can hold that to you in dark times.
If a casserole would help, I’m local and I deliver
Comment by Thea — December 22, 2010 @ 12:42 pm
Thank you Miss Plumcake, for your wit and insight, even (and especially) in trying times.
Comment by klee — December 22, 2010 @ 1:38 pm
Thanks for turning your sad times into great advice. When I feel my chilly New England upbringing flooding me with shame and worry, I like to ask myself “What will I wish I’d done when I’m 90 and on my deathbed?” and so often the answer involves adventure and pleasure.
You regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did, I think, and I’d rather make my own mistakes than second guess my way through life.
I hope that the ongoing mourning and the upcoming holidays are a time for you to drink good gin with people you love and who love you back.
Comment by JenniferP — December 22, 2010 @ 5:57 pm
Kisses, Plummy. Thinking of you.
Comment by theDiva — December 23, 2010 @ 7:41 am
I’m a long-term fan, and your unflagging wit and unerring taste are always offer a genuine good time. I couldn’t let the season pass without letting you know!
Comment by Camo — December 23, 2010 @ 1:28 pm